Yu mama is nth but predictable…yet he never fails to amuse me to no end HOW he stays true to his predictable highness, surprising me with new unimaginable lows.
唐宫美人天下Tang Gong Mei Ren Tian Xia …lulz
This is the most bloody awful preview I’ve seen. No way in HELL I’m watching this. Not even when I crave watching and eating shit.
But it’s comforting to go down Yu mama’s checklist of ‘hit in making previews’:
1. VERY long, longer, shittier the better. (drama proper can only go up fr here, no truer words)
It’s as nonsensical, incohesive as anything possible/impossible. I need the reminder it’s about Wu Zetian/Wu Mei Niang in bold charaters at the end to snap myself awake. She’s f8cking Tang dynasty equivalent of the capable queen, may not be virgin like Elizabeth I, but damn she should have a vortex of life sucking aura just with an eyelash.
2. Be chunky and Chop Suey. And this is chunkier than chunky canned soup. I am a loling pavlovian puppy when it comes to Yu mama’s silly ass pompous highly dramatized VO/’poetic caption’ but his lack of any literary sense left every word on screen…the most hilarious thing written. 
‘Deep in the court, saving the master, love is undying.’
‘Swords and sabers slashing dangerously nonstop.’
muahhaha. Creativity, is at the ever new hts with our precious Yu Mama, and flourishing in its new name: lame-ability.
I dissected the almost 20 min, it’s vaguely made up of a few chop sueys, all fav ingredients of Her Royal Highness Yu Mama.
- killing babies
- killing concubines
- scheming ladyspies/concubines fr brothels ie scheming prostitutes
- killing ladyspies who used to be prostitutes or fox
- craycray dudes in craycraycray hairs
- the lovely stinky tofu stench of Yu Mama’s plagiarism: whole verse of dialogues/scenes fr Sword Rain.
- mega meta-ing: YangMi’s nick is Wu li/Fox, she’ll be a white fox?! Same faces all around, having the exact same fate drama to drama. Rant: I kinda like that nice queen fr Schemes of Beauty, at least her face is not chunks of plastic, but she ALWAYS gets horrible deaths.
- Gumiwo’d our Wu ZeTian after she Meteor showered the Imperial Gardens!
3. Pick the lousiest actor on board and make him Guy1: MingDao…..stinks! I’ve never been a fan, shallow me is very meh on crossed eyes (and caterpillar brows). I just think it looks clownish esp when the actor is trying to angst. And I’ve sworn MD butthurt angsting will be what I wanna loop in my psych ward if I ever get seriously depressed. I think I’ve got more than enough side splitting material here.
4. OTT, OTT! O!T!T! I’m not cutting the others slacks, yes, I understand fully peeps you need to bring on your uber hamming game for Yu mama, but how inviting of SNARK is this?! The C netizens r sharpening their tongues/fingers already!!! XDD
5. My aesthetics do not go along with Yu Mama’s, at all, and I’m not sure if he just hates girls so much. The makeup is so heavy handed and gaudy, accentuating EVERY plastic surgeries his ladies have had, every flaw and pimple and just ages them by a decade. I hate the corpsepink lipcolor, my conspiracy prone brain will immediately jump to conclusion they are all dying of brain meltling poison VERY SOON.
:DDDDD What a fun snarky start of a Monday.
mookie 
This looks like a piece of shit – it’s nonsensical even accepting its fantasy premise, I already want to stab every main character through the face, and OMG the amount of moronic posturing from every actor in that craphole of a drama makes me wants to stab myself in the face so to unsee it.
Utter and complete disgrace. Yu Zheng continues to astound me with depths of his own asinine creations. He’s not just plagerising from others, he’s start to recycle his own shitn now. Un-fucking-believable.
And Yang Mi continues with her face transformation. I cannot even recognize her from the MiMi that was in RoCH2006, which she was my fave performance and the girl I thought was prettiest in the entire drama. She is so young, why with the PS? Why? I don’t get it? She was so fucking pretty until about early last year where she came out one time and I did a double take. *is sad*.
Hey, easy peasy on MiMi. She and our loverboy Yuan Hong have collaborated for the first time after that whole Tangren-Yang Mi fall-out on a LUX mini-movie/endorsement by a hotshot CTV host/scriptwriter, Kevin Tsai (who hosts Kangxi Lai Le with Dee Hsu). I predict other producers/directors with great taste will look towards Yuan Hong & Yang Mi as the next hotter than HOT onscreen couple. So for that, GAN BEI!!!
pimples are really annoying, you can kill them using benzoyl peroxide but it will also make your skin red.
I was just being mean, I have pimples XDDD so I shouldn’t judge.
But I’m ranty with failed plastic surgeries (plural). Yang Mi’s closeups are starting to scare children, she looks like she has chunks of cheek/jaw sawed off and just the thought/reminder of it, it’s like watching a walking, talking horror flick.
I swear, I loved her. I do! *sob*
Yu said this is a 1 billion RMB production. I guess he needs a trustfund for impending lawsuits of plagiarisms?
even in the preview, it’s scene by scene cut and paste fr CCTV docu 大明宮 CCTV!
http://ww1.sinaimg.cn/large/675b6a99tw1dg51v07c9lj.jpgClearly the recent censorship on time traveling dramas has sth to do with Yu’s Goong. But to see him popping up all shocked and uttered in real words there could not possibly be anything to do with him and his epic Goong. I’ve lost my capacity of loling. Now BBJX and the even more serious 后宫甄嬛传 with Chen JianBin are all indefinitely postponed fr airing. *RAGEEE* Yu can make his shit, I can choose not to watch it, but now he’s having a negative impact on the industry proper and robbing me MY dramas!!!!! ARGGHHHH!
And now he even has the face to tell the world Goong2 was never intended to be time travel, it’s a ‘100% new creation, never seen before’ I’ll give him a nod on the never seen before (shit) part.
*sigh* I’m sooo sad with YM as well. It really does not take much conscious judgment to tell Yu’s stuff is shit. Big loads of commercial shit not unlike Wong Jing’s movies in the 90s that u do some to up your exposure, earn urself some $$$$ in btn ur acting. But YM sticks with him and is doing project after project nonstop, proud and happy with her collabs with Yu. I can’t swallow that.
What flipped me the most with Yu, he shat and leaves after denying he stank up the place, his plan is to go and rape every single dynasty and Tang and Ming r up next. He is doing a new Ming dynasty drama with Angel Dong and Sheren Tang. I really really really love them. They are already ruined:
anonymous1
The translation of the “couplet” on screen caps had me laughing out loud…thanks mookie!
First time sitting through a YZ trailer (turned off Gong’s after about a minute into it), and I can see why the formula works here–this has some appeal to the trashy side of my sensibilities (the side that wanted to see Memoirs of a Geisha despite knowing it will be a piece of racist crap)…It’s the Tang dynasty costumes that make me go “ooh, shiny”… That, and seeing just how many buckets of dog blood/girly pink petals can be splashed all over the screen.
One more thing, can’t we come up with another nick for YZ, pretty please? Calling him Yu Mama is just so so degrading to women everywhere, you know?
Re: anonymous1
lolz, hi there anon1!
Oh he has a formula for sure. I’ve watched ALL 40 eps of Schemes of Beauty and I bet if I have the time to breeze thro’ Goong, I won’t be able to turn my eyes away. It’s entertaining shiz, guaranteed roaring laughs mile a minute, and yes he LOVES his girly pink plastic cherry blossoms flooding the screen pink whenever he can.
hahahahahha do u have a better nick?! I’m dying to hear!
nicknames
Well, on the Chinese internets he’s also known as 于抄抄 aka Copy Copy Yu, but that doesn’t seem to have the same ring to it in English. Then there’s 于娘娘, which is pretty much the same as Yu Mama, unless you want to go the “Her Highness Yu” route…
Do you have any ideas mookie (or better translations)?
-anon1
Re: nicknames
lolz I like the ring of Yu mama most, I’m HKer, I would call him Yu See Nai (directly outing him as an ahjumma in the ‘highest’) hinting on his nagging stereotypical ahjumma tendencies. For some reason I can so picture him swinging his purse as the most brilliant ‘see nai’/ahjumma weapon and engage in loud banter in the meat market for an extra chicken feet or sth.
But muahahaha, I guess the biggest insult would be just callin him by his given name YZ.
anon1 again
Oh, and by the way, does anyone else find the sight of Zhang Ting in the guise of Empress Wu just ludicrous? The lines of her brows, eyes and lips tend to slide downward, so she looks like she’s got a perpetual hangdog expression.
“he shat and leaves after denying he stank up the place”
Yup, that about sums it up. I guess I’ve gotten numb cause I’m not even angry.
Re: anon1 again
I’m not even familiar with Zhang Ting tbh, till I wiki’d her seeing she’s in The Bronze Teeth / The Eloquent Ji Xiao Lan III and I’ve watched many episodes. She’s ok as a side character but really u need so much screen presence to be Empress Wu, the more to splurge the better and she has zilch, negative, nada. We call that ORZ face 囧, haha it’s most widely used for Myolie Wu’s crying face when all her facial features r scrunched tog most hilariously.
You know how appalled I was with the choice of cast in Goong, and its production value was so horrific, like Yu is pirated his own stuff that’s more plastic and fluorescent gaudy a palate to begin with instead of shine and real authentic glamour. I’ve watched enough to rem a Prince got married (of coz in true YuShiz style, there needs no proper etiquette and announcements of ANY sorts)…but there’s 3 or 4 tables-ful of ‘guests’ LOLZZZZZ I was in tears!TEARS! roflamobbq.
this looks so sooo soooooo much worst than Goong. The main actors/actresses can only be bunched in the 3rd/4th tiers in the industry (except YM..or MingDao?!). I know Yu is luring me in because I love an absolute stinky shiteous trainwreck like my stinky tofu. *sighhh*
There’s a mystery in the background? That sounds more promising. LDW’s character is not too much of a jerk is he?