唐宫美人天下Tang Gong Mei Ren Tian Xia …lulz

Yu mama is nth but predictable…yet he never fails to amuse me to no end HOW he stays true to his predictable highness, surprising me with new unimaginable lows.

This is the most bloody awful preview I’ve seen. No way in HELL I’m watching this.  Not even when I crave watching and eating shit.

But it’s comforting to go down Yu mama’s checklist of ‘hit in making previews’:
1. VERY long, longer, shittier the better.  (drama proper can only go up fr here, no truer words)
It’s as nonsensical, incohesive as anything possible/impossible.  I need the reminder it’s about Wu Zetian/Wu Mei Niang in bold charaters at the end to snap myself awake.  She’s f8cking Tang dynasty equivalent of the capable queen, may not be virgin like Elizabeth I, but damn she should have a vortex of life sucking aura just with an eyelash.

2. Be chunky and Chop Suey.  And this is chunkier than chunky canned soup.  I am a loling pavlovian puppy when it comes to Yu mama’s silly ass pompous highly dramatized VO/’poetic caption’ but his lack of any literary sense left every word on screen…the most hilarious thing written.

‘Deep in the court, saving the master, love is undying.’
‘Swords and sabers slashing dangerously nonstop.’
muahhaha.  Creativity, is at the ever new hts with our precious Yu Mama, and flourishing in its new name: lame-ability.

I dissected the almost 20 min, it’s vaguely made up of a few chop sueys, all fav ingredients of Her Royal Highness Yu Mama.

  • killing babies
  • killing concubines
  • scheming ladyspies/concubines fr brothels ie scheming prostitutes
  • killing ladyspies who used to be prostitutes or fox
  • craycray dudes in craycraycray hairs
  • the lovely stinky tofu stench of Yu Mama’s plagiarism:  whole verse of dialogues/scenes fr Sword Rain.
  • mega meta-ing: YangMi’s nick is Wu li/Fox, she’ll be a white fox?!   Same faces all around, having the exact same fate drama to drama. Rant: I kinda like that nice queen fr Schemes of Beauty, at least her face is not chunks of plastic, but she ALWAYS gets horrible deaths.
  • Gumiwo’d our Wu ZeTian after she Meteor showered the Imperial Gardens!

3. Pick the lousiest actor on board and make him Guy1: MingDao…..stinks! I’ve never been a fan, shallow me is very meh on crossed eyes (and caterpillar brows).  I just think it looks clownish esp when the actor is trying to angst.  And I’ve sworn MD butthurt angsting will be what I wanna loop in my psych ward if I ever get seriously depressed.  I think I’ve got more than enough side splitting material here.

4. OTT, OTT! O!T!T!  I’m not cutting the others slacks, yes, I understand fully peeps you need to bring on your uber hamming game for Yu mama, but how inviting of SNARK is this?!  The C netizens r sharpening their tongues/fingers already!!! XDD

5. My aesthetics do not go along with Yu Mama’s, at all, and I’m not sure if he just hates girls so much.  The makeup is so heavy handed and gaudy, accentuating EVERY plastic surgeries his ladies have had, every flaw and pimple and just ages them by a decade.  I hate the corpsepink lipcolor, my conspiracy prone brain will immediately jump to conclusion they are all dying of brain meltling poison VERY SOON.

:DDDDD What a fun snarky start of a Monday.

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