Background: I’m still puzzled with what sort of TV this 2-hour ShenZhen cableTV kids show is (I skipped all nonYH parts, of coz). I think it’s catering to parents, to watch with their toddlers with the intention this is a Dora the Explorer and Diego reality show, they’ll travel to another part of CN, this episode is Beijing, thus learning things about that city. It then morphs into a peeving me out live freak show of tigress moms, tiger dads showing off their gift fr God fluent in multiple language IQ200 smug preschoolers. Argh.
It started with a very meaningful task for our RL Dora and Diego: Help a toddler and his lovely farmer grandpa living in a poor rural community celebrate the New Year by somehow getting train tix for the parents working in the cities who haven’t been home for years. *sniffs* To go with the BBJXPrince13 theme, they have to find 3 traditional yet in vogue things that represents Beijing, things (a Chinese yo-yo/percussion instrument, 1000 yr traditional fabric shoes and Ma Qua/traditional Qing dress clothes) YH can use for his Qing/BJ themed taping of a CF. YH then makes a cute ‘Mama I love you’ banner with the babies and hangs it off the roof of his hotel so the Moms can come reclaim their babies. He also commissions a revered calligrapher/ veteran actor, a colleague fr his set of MuLan for a gorgeous piece of calligraphy to be auctioned off so the tods can complete the task of raising $$$ for the baby with grandpa missing his parents. The babies do say the most fascinating, darnest things, scripted or not (I can’t decide).
This is my trans (and lots of spazzing) of the first 5 min of the vid above:
Diego calls Yuan Hong Gege (big bro) first thing arriving at Beijing airport. haha and he doesn’t waste a second of air time for task at hand:
Diego: YH Gege, I’m here in BJ looking for you~!
YH: For me? Who are you, dear?
D: Can you give me some $$$
YH: *lolz for realz?!* Are you kidding? Who is toying with me? Are you really asking me for $$$?
D: I want you to give $$$ to a kid who has no $$$!
YH: Oh! You are the 2 cuties from the show ‘Babies Koala-ing Big Stars’, right?
YH: Where are you?
D: I’m at Beijing airport.
YH: I can’t get to BJ tonight, lets meet up tomorrow. You guys look for a hotel to stay for the night. **@_@ the whole show of faking the babies r taking flights their own, carrying their own luggage and $$$ and now booking their own hotels and wandering all over town talking to strangers…wayyy too much WTF. My sensibilities in so. Much. Shock!**
7am, CNDora calls a mysterious Uncle who have tips on how to bribe YH.
Dora: What does YH Gege/bigbro like, mysterious Uncle?
MUncle: Remember, he’s Prince 13 (13 ge) in BBJX, he must love little Princesses and little Princes.
Dora: Let me tell you, 13 Ge is the thirteenth princess of King Yee Hwa (she means 玄燁/KangXi, and is mistakening Ge/Bro/Prince as GeGe/Princess)
MUncle: ? Erm… If you dress up as lil Qing Prince and Princess, he’ll love it very much.
7:30am, YH greets them at his door, they are screaming ‘Prince 13!!!!!’
YH: Please come in! *am dead seeing YH bending down helping the lil boy with their luggages and every second keeping eye on the baby not to wheel over his tiny feet*
Dora and Diego: *WHO IS HE?!?!??!*
YH: Please sit! Anything to drink?
Dora: I want an OJ
YH: OJ?! This will be difficult.
Dora: *look of ‘then why are you asking <_<?!’* Who are you?
YH: Aren’t you here looking for me? You do not know my name?
Dora: I’m here to meet YH Gege.
YH: You are here for YH Gege…that’s why when I say Susu/Uncle, you can not connect it’s me?
Dora: YH Gege can bend his waist and do a bridge. Can you?
YH: You are using it as a test of whether I’m the real YH? *ahhhhh he’s so pretty with his starry sparkling eyes looking at Dora!*
Dora: Hurry up! Tell me if you can do a bridge!
YH: This is a bit difficult…Can you?
Dora: Of course.
Diego: Splits! Splits! Splits!
YH: *sweating bullets* *HELP ME~!!*
(Dora does a bridge like a boss)
YH: Bravo! Bravo! *sweating more bullets* This will be hard.
Dora: Can you do it? Show me. *like a boss*
YH: I’ll try. Can you spot for me?
(YH winces in pain doing the bridge. *OH MY OLD STIFF (fr too much exertion) SPINE *)
YH: Now, do you believe I’m YH gege for realz?
Dora: *shakes head* *na-h*
YH: Still not believing me?!
Dora sits back next to an utterly unimpressed and bored Diego, and thinks up another test.
Dora: Are you BFF with LiuShiShi?
YH: *nods enthusiastically while instantaneously uttering…* YES.
Dora: Then do you have her #?
YH: I Have!
(Diego is knowing this is going flailing HongShi territory, eyerolling while holding in his little headache)
Dora: Then PLEASE give her a call, will you?
YH: *grinning like a Derp* NOW?
YH: *pleaseprettypleasepleasepleasepleaseLemmeLemmeLemmeGimmeGimmeGimme SQUEEEEE. All on his face* Give ShiShi a call NOW?! *OH.YES.PLZ.MAKE.ME.DO.IT!*
Dora: Ask her to lend you a place to stay… for 100 days. *kekeke*
YH: *pokerface* Ask her for a place to stay for 100 days?!? *just 100 days?!?!* ME, ask her for her place to stay for 100 days?!?!?!?!? *comeon babydoll, her place is my place, YUNoKNOW?!?* How much rent should I pay her? *trolling but best Actor perf faking shock/serious/I can’t believe the absurdity/Oh how dare you ask me to strip stark naked/do obscenity little girl!?*
(Diego is giving us more eye-rolling head-desking face)
Dora: No rent! BFF do not pay $$$. (hmmmmm… Diego is smirking his eyes out of sockets, having my same thoughts, maybe less dirty. Dora, my lil gf, is obviously going down the same gutter as mine. $$$ is not the only form of rent, just sayin’)
YH: Can you help me ask her? (alrighty, since my mind is full of filth, so should you. YH is going to ask LSS if he can stay at her place for 100 days ‘rent free’ and I’m sure he’ll pay SS back by gimpery/domestic helper-ish ‘chores’ and he’s asking a lil girl to make said proposition. Shame on you, Loverboy!Not really)
Dora: No can’t do. (captions: Do you own shiz!)
YH: *leaning back, thinks he’s one-upping the little thing* Talk to her for me, will you?
YH: Don’t you love LSS Jeijei A LOT?! (*coughslipcough* *low, is imposing one’s feelings on impressible toddlers*) Tell her yourself. (hmmmmmmmm what is the saying Do as I say, not as I do, doing in my head, I wonder)
Dora: I am not HER BFF. (kekeke, you go girl! It would be more priceless if u really did a ‘kekeke’)
YH: Tell her you are my BFF. [meanwhile, working my logic101 braincells hard: SO… in YH’s mind: LSS will lend home to ANYONE, rent free, 100 days as long as they say they’re YH’s BFF because that’s just like saying LSS will lend home to her BFF (YH). Note to self: YH’s BFF = LSS’ BFF, LSS’ = YH’s so…the kicker: if I get myself into LSS’ home, I can already smell the sweet scent of my loverboy filling my pervie lungs]
Dora: I’m not. *want nth to do with ur loveydoveys*
YH: *blimey* (caption: SO pathetic!)
YH: Speak to her for me. I am too embarrassed to say it myself. (Excuse me while I loling my tummy off and reattach it: so Loverboy, what’s so embarrassing?! Embarrassment is when u r snuffed out publicly doing sth socially unacceptable. We have no prob of you living at SS’ as ‘BFF’, but other things on your checklist, yeah not in front of toddlers. If same thing out of 4 yo’s mouth is fine, but out of urs is ’embarrassing’ I have an IDEA what you are thinking of saying. MUAHAHAHAHA)
(Diego and I had a brainmeshing moment, obviously. Suddenly he’s awake and grinning mad at the above thought)
Dora: *had enough of the blushing bride shenanigans* Fine, let me say it.
YH: Cool, you do the talking. *phone sooo ready in hand, pressing a few shortkeys* *can’t hold in an fleeting grin*
YH:OK, here you go.
Dora: Hello? LSS jeijei!
Dora: Can you lend YH gege a house to crash? For 100 days.
LSS: I don’t understand what you are sayin. What do you mean?
YH: *lol-ing out loud*
Dora glares at YH, who is still NOT hiding any of the sweet grinning. (caption: What the freck r u sillygrinning at?)
Dora: Lend him ur place for 100 days, to crash.
LSS: Which one (of my places)?
Dora: *huh?!* (Caption: Do you have a LOT of houses (/lovedens)?!)
Dora: Your home.
YH, the dude claiming he’ll be easily embarrassed, is lol-ing. He grabs phone.
YH: Shishi, I’m (ur)LaoYuan. The kiddos are asking me to prove I’m THE Yuan Hong. *he’s rubbing the sofa , embarrassed to be openly smalltalking romance a la redfaced 14 yo girl playing with her ringlets talking to le boyfriend on phone* That’s why, we have to call you. And ask, if we are really bffs, you will lend me your place, for 100 days…Hey, you ask LSS jeijei yourself, will you?
Dora is busy playing with and teasing Diego like kids imitating grownups and staying out of his PDA phone call. So when shoved again, she just holler, ‘Yes, or no?’
LSS: No problemo!
(caption: FOR REALZ!?!)
Dora is now totally giving us ‘geez, get a room!’ face.
YH: Now, do you believe I’m YH gege? Do you believe me? (YH: Do you believe in HONGSHI?! SHOUT IT! LOUDER!!!)
Dora is then totally ignored in giving her affirmative, ie the whole purpose of exercise while YH is not wasting another second chatting, on tape, in public to his SS.
YH: ShiShi, thank you SO very much (for firmly rocking our Ship!) Dinner’s on me ( me so smart, I got myself a date with you on top of living in with you for 100DAYS!!!!!I’ll cook u a candlelit dinner everynight), k?
YH (rubbing it in): Do you believe in YHgege*coughHScough* now? She has agreed to let me live in her home for 100 days (ie marriage) *gloating like a newlywed*
This is up to the 5:06 mark. The rest is a lot of YH being so insanely perfectly yummy and cute and loving and awwwwwww with the babies. Brain is mushed to pick up on convo, can only focus on his dreamy sparkling face everything