Read this

Did you just projectile vomit? With brimming to throat snark to eat every words u've read and spit it out w/ colorful added expletives, no?

To quote:
"explosive sex w/ Mr Rochester"….
Catherine "enjoys bondage" w/ Heathcliff…
Holmes has a sexual relationship with sidekick Dr Watson.'


"We're not rewriting the classics. We're keeping the original prose and the author's voice. We're not changing any of that.

"But we want to enhance the novels by adding the 'missing' scenes for readers to enjoy.



22 thoughts on “MUAHAHAHA

  1. Brace yourself because P&P already has one. It’s called Mr. Darcy Takes a Wife. I know this because I’m pretty obsessed with P&P adaptations and sequels and have come across most of them over the years. So, yeah, this isn’t even a new idea.

    I love that they say “enhance” the novels. LOL. WHUT? Because P&P needs enhancing? GTFO.

    Damn that shady number novel for bringing smut to the mainstream. I’m unamused.

    1. *I’ve also read Mr D Takes a Wife. –fellow P&P Anon* It’s stupid and draggy and horrible but at least the author was honest with what she’s doing. These peeps r sick weasels who will make obscene amt of $ because they r devoid of shame and can stir shit with their own bare hands. To blatantly say ‘bringing the classics to a whole new generation of readers…’ OH I WONDER HOW THESE R CLASSICS IN THE FIRST PLACE AND HOW GENERATIONS KNOW OF, READ AND LOVE THEM BEFORE U SORRY EXCUSES WERE BORN!

      I feel so sooo soooooo sorry for the innocent gullible ahjummas and who has no prior knowledge at all to the word: fanfiction. To know they were first impaled by 50 Shades then this onslaught of brain sewage? I’ll pray for them.

      1. For sure. I give her credit for putting together her own novel and writing her own spin as opposed to these leeches who are actually tarnishing entire sections of novels with complete crap. If they’re going to do it, they should do it for real and re-write the novels.

        I rage with you on the whole bringing the classics to a new generation not only because they`re acting like erotica is the missing link when it comes to readability but also because umm, Bronte, Austen novels and the like are pretty obligatory reading in school so most people have read some form of the classics in their lifetime.

        But hey, anything to make a quick buck and fool people right? Ugh.

        1. I would’ve scoffed and carry on like this is just a blimp if they call it as it is: ‘fanfiction’ but then I guess they r not fans begin with to be in for sucha bottomless shameless exploitation.

  2. Haha I like smut, but only where it belongs. And uh, the whole appeal to the sexual tension in older works is exactly that, unspoken desire achieved with restrictive undertone. If it’s all out in the open, there wouldn’t be any tension to speak of -_____-

    1. I agree that it has its place but this is not one of those occasions. Heh.

      And uh, the whole appeal to the sexual tension in older works is exactly that, unspoken desire achieved with restrictive undertone.

      That’s another point I was going to make but my comment was getting long-winded. ITA. They’re totally missing the point when it comes to the tone of these novels.

      I can’t imagine how they’re going to keep the original prose and tack on these erotic scenes, lol. What a hilarious endeavor.

    2. so well put! We can put our imagination to use and we have channels to have some fun with it….then there’s these scumbags.

      We call it smut for reasons, no one with any love for the original material will be pompous enough to call it ‘rewriting the classics’

  3. wow man I’m so impressed. What are people reading these days?? Oh yeah, 50 Shades… heh

    I wonder if there’s equal # people who like that series vs. people that hate it before they even read it!! All this hype is seriously making me sick already.

    Please don’t slaughter the classics? They didn’t add it for a reason.

    1. I still have a hard time getting Twihards (even though I have family in that cult) but I actually get 50 Shades, which is fanfiction lifting the thinly veiled erotica/smut in Twilight, presenting what that franchise is really is in its bones. So if someone is into Twilight and hates 50 Shades, that person is lying to him/herself.

      I have problem with ppl mainstreaming stuff like 50 Shades. It has no literary values and should stay in where it belongs: the fringe of that fanatic fandom. It should not be a stand alone product. I’m really not a judgmental person (I think) but when I see women reading that book in public, I can’t help it but judge. Lucky for me (or the guys who r reading it) that I haven’t seen a guy reading it in public because I’ll laser some holes in his head to let out some of his silly brain with my glares.

  4. Ugh! Is this the same as the Wild and Wanton garbage edition that’s been out since last year or so? If it’s not, then these people are copycats. If it is, that’s still too bad since people have been making smutty fanfic of the classics and publishing them online for ages.

    1. We’ve read more than what’s in this silly collection/waste of trees many times over in fanfictions for YEARS. You are too nice to call them copycats! 😉 I don’t think I’ve seen it packaged so vile.

      1. I did a bit of research, and this is different from the Wild and Wanton edition dirtying up the classics section of my country’s bookstores. It’s disgusting how people would do anything for some moolah. Why anyone would bother to spend money on trash that has been done many times before on the Internet is beyond me.

        1. My RL is: take the cases of my mother and mother in law, they do not wander in the interwebs, and have no idea of how thriving and part of our lives fanfictions and memes r, at least it’s not packaged so conveniently into books and movies and tie-ins. So when Twilight came along, which is a glorified fanfic written by someone who obviously can’t write a lick, and it went virally popular, they wanna check it out and it sold them some old school romance. My mom didn’t turn into as insane a Twihard than my MiL, who travels with the ebooks and movies anywhere, and quip at me being ‘not romantic enough to dive into its world’ and Bella is the all self-sacrificing female model who is selfless when it comes to her family and she holds the ultimate power to safe, ie symbolic of how magnificant womanhood is (true words and I did cringed and barfed silently). Bottom line its pages r filled with poorpoor shoddy writing but it doesnt matter coz it provokes the imagination in the fans to romanticize its everything and THAT is what they r in rabid love with, the fantasy, not the prowess of the author. I’m learning to live with that notion.

          1. Twilight was SMeyer’s published wet dream. 50 Shades of Shit is the (disturbingly popular) fanfic.

            IA with everything. I find myself losing faith in humanity sometimes. Everything can be turned to garbage for aquick buck; nothing is sacred.

  5. I’m pissed beyond words.
    But I also find it funny they think they’re “enhancing” the classics.
    So conflicted.

    I’ve never read that 50 Shades thing but one excerpt I read involving period sex made me happy I didn’t. STOP RUINING LITERATURE!

    1. I’m not least bit worried it’ll ruin literature. We all know this will bear no resemblance to the classics no matter how laughable they r spinning it. I’m just sad with the state of humanity knowing this silly trashy trampling on all things holy has an enormous market to mine. There will be pea-brains desensitized with all the instant gratifications having the opinion of this is more ‘entertaining’ than the classics. Romance/love is not in their lexicon no more.

      1. The fact that 50 Shades of Shit has such a huge cult following makes me weep at the state of humanity. FFS I thought Twilight was bad enough, but nooo, now the craze is a (most likely unedited!) published Twific! SMH

        1. I actually made it a tiny mission to read raves on 50Shat and I can’t make it through one of them and I have the nosiness of 90 cats.

          I can make do with 50Shat’s fandom being a slice of the Twihard pie. BUT there really r genuine fans of just 50S out there. And that’s why this article is so soo depressing because no matter how beyond our imagination horrible these turds turn out to be, there WILL be a sizable fandom guaranteed. Because the classics r established like luxury brandnames, no matter what insanity some uber chic fashion houses churn out this season, their ready to wear WILL have buyers.

  6. URGH I think I just vomited up weeks of dinner after reading that. FFS it’s bad enough that shit like 50 Shades (prose worse than kids’ in high school, glorifies misogyny and abusive relationships, etc.) has become mainstream, but they reckon they can “improve” the Classics? Those idiots need to leave Austen and Bronte alone. >_<

    As for the Holmes rewrite? PFFFT. Desecrating the pioneer of detective mysteries makes me wanna *%^!*^%@*#&$*@&$*@!@!


    1. I dare not mention 50 Shits to my Twihard kin because IF IFFFF I know anyone of them reading it, lest loving it, I’m left with no choice but disowning. I didnt read it myself but I know all I need to when such yucky!BDSM stuff evokes comments such as ‘BORING! SNOOOZEFEST!’ most frequently, because puking which it should be naturally associated with, is oh so not boring.

  7. The samples sentences from the article are sooo vomit-inducing. I think the fact that they are keeping the original voice of the work bothers me the most. That just seems like such a DESECRATION. How DARE you try to imitate Jane Austen’s voice!!

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