Or please yell some sense into me…I’m watching YuFkingZheng now.
I am watching or whatever I’m doing with Female Prime Minister. I am consciously aware of it eating my brain, yet the show will be on, like clockwork in my household, and I would sometimes gush at how pretty, how silly, while working, or online shopping. This all started because I caught a 10 min cut of ChenXiao in an even crappier YZ production 賞金獵人/Bounty Hunter playing the token scummy black sheep of a 大宅門/prominent merchant family. In the short minutes, he’s the hot and he knows it badboy who won’t hesitate to flirt/rape any warm female bodies, mostly ‘stepmoms’, and might have hands soiled in death of Daddy. I have a tried and true type with my drama loverboys, be one hot damned pervie scumbag I somehow shamelessly care and SWOOONNN~! And this Cdrama is conveniently showing on cable.
Yes, do rub it in, obviously I’m turning into its exact target audience: always parking brain and morals at doors/couches/TVstands ahjummas.
*L. E. S. I. G. H.*
SWOONing at CHEESE. Welcome to tease and poke fun at me.
The writing is so lazy with more gaping holes than my cookie rack it’s not even worth more stabbing. Plot is thrown together with the understandable thought to bring our OTP together most clunkily whenever possible, to allow them to twirl and embrace and their easy chemistry and easy on the eyes prettiness to occupy the screen very often. Because our OTP works, it is really a halfassed complaint. The other half of my ass is complaining why is after every skinship or eyesexing, sillier and sillier hurdles magically appear to force them to fight and be yanked apart, then it’ll be easily resolved and they’ll dash to the other like magnets, lobotomies are performed miraculously without a trace, they’ll hug and be chummy again. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
This is a first for me because my usual pattern is to be very flippant of crappy lazy writing and this post should be so disgusting with expletives and silliest of rants. I’m sure no professional scriptwriter is hired for any YZ show EVER. Why bother? A new appreciation of what is a hook in watching a YZ, everyone gets the satisfaction they can write better crap, even when we set out to write crap, period. This is still YZ’s usual mundane poopoo just less offensive than his usual butchering and plagiarizing of worthy works, rendering them absolutely worthless except for explosive snarkfests. Characters here still have no plausible growth but be swaying rag dolls serving the meaningless plot one way or the other. It’s like they show up for some ad lib scene of the day every episode, the actors working earnestly, then go home, sleep, forget about it all and show up the next day and do whatever they are told to do to move the story in all directions but nowhere worthwhile. Many tangents and characters will be left dangling without a care for whatever unimportant reason anyway, but will suddenly show up again at writer’s whimsy, to serve yet more meaningless whatever. Whatever, I don’t even want to waste my usual word diarrhea, gone is even the outrageous bizarre suckage, the shock factor, it’s now no longer interesting how predictable YZ tired lazy crap is, there is no element of shock to save it from being plain old bore.
But it does put my head to a state of blank relaxation, where the drama is the cause of some background noise humming while I can keep myself alert enough for other RL stuff. It’s also worthy for me to see decent young actors, surprisingly all of them, doing the best they can with crap, good worthy veterans (I so heart Maggie Cheung in her TVB’s golden days), earning their keep, saying awfully meaningless lines, every and all of them most sincerely, making scenes and characters worth way more than what’s shat on paper.
Tada!!!! Chen Xiao is officially in my pretty and talented C manrem. I’ve caught him here and there, seen ep45 on of his Swordman’s cut (very worth my time) and he’s absolutely show-stealing OMFG WOW!!! (have an MV or 2 or 3). He has nothing much to do as ‘Northern Qi Prince Gao Zhan’ (ha. Ha. HA! RIP historical accuracy) except being a man-vase, I can catch glimpses of him frustrated with the characterization and storytelling, but anyone with a right mind would in the general vicinity of a YZ. So I appreciate his wink for help! Safe me from this shiz! YET still working it. His OTP, the heroine, played by the young starlet Zhao Li Ying is so vanilla for any supposedly inspirational heroine and I’m still not sure if the actress has talent except the camera likes her, but somehow they clicked. It’s not explosive swoonworthy havebabies chemistry, but believable. They are making sense when they should not, not with this WTF writing. So somehow, I’m watching along because of their honorable feat, I’m somehow fascinated by how they can make notevencraptastic crap breezily watchable, making it the runaway ratings hit in Cdramaland of late.
There is a substantial rabid RL shipping fandom of ChenXiao and Zhao LiYing. I’m not one of them, to be critical when it’s not worth my time to be, their chemistry has a strange awkwardness always at their most intense swoony moments, while sparks are flying in any other passing scene they are sharing mostly due to those intense, you are the one and only I can’t take my eyes off you stares CX laid on ZLY every chance he gets. I love how he’s so intensely immersed in his OTP he’s almost coming across as not aware of the camera. ChenXiao is the REAL DEAL, and what I based the opinion on is how he can morph and be unrecognizable in his roles. He is not drop dead gorgeous normally, but if need be, and that is screen presence, charisma, IT, whatever we wanna label that intangible thing the real deals possess. And he has that suave that can turn into smexy manliness or bad boy pervie sleaze with a twitch. Not since Loverboy have I seen any C actor having chemistry left and right with EVERY nonOTP female (or male), even his slimy stepQueenMother. Talented fangirl YY an MV of him flirting with the creme of C period beauties. Needless to say I enjoy Girl2 Yang Rong and her messy fcked up chemistry with Chen Xiao’s Gao Zhan way too much. He is not technically perfect, but there is this ease of him to better any scene, any stinky PoS YZ throws his way, he can come off unscathed. He is shaping to be one formidable package. IF a collaboration of Chen Xiao with Yuan Hong is in design, get your earplugs, I’m not gonna stop my squeaking, ever. If not for him, I’m not breaking my ultimate drama peeve of no YuZit EVER. I’m shamelessly changing my drama nonoNONEVERRR! rule to no YuZitANDYuanShanShan. Maybe her face on anything, moving, is so traumatizing, anything without it, even a YZ usual crap is exponentially watchable just by her absence alone.
I know I can’t look away from ChenXiao’s turn in the upcoming Goong movie (he’s playing Prince13…sigh…how can I look away?!?!?!?! And I like Zhou DongYu, his Prince13’s OTP *I hope* ). This caption from the trailer is WANT!:
The trailer may be one of YZ’s best work:
And, for once, YZ hits casting gold with CX as YangGuo. *and pleasepleaseplease can Loverboy and ShiShi cameo as YangKang and NianChi in one flashback scene, hopefully the MAKING of YangGuo?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!??????????????????????????PLEASE YUMAMA!! If you make that happen, I’ll eat everything shiteous (but no truer words) I’ve said of you.* Mark my words, Chen Xiao will be perfect as is as the dreamiest hopeless romantic in wuxialand Yang Guo, and my bet he would even surprise, the very good kind, if he turns on full gears for this career making role. And as his fangirls are already screaming, he’s paid his dues with YZ, get the prize of the role of Yang Guo and GET THE HECK OUT OF HIS FAT STINKY PAWS!
YuZheng, if you are smart, pick a worthy XNL, Tong LiYa will be my pick from your list of reasonably priced regulars/slaves:
But I see the potential of Yang Rong surprising me. I thought she’ll only be serviceable in cute mousey roles but her scorned heartbroken entitled princess ex-love of hero in Female Prime Minister is so full of verve I can’t take my eyes off her. I probably will watch a cut of their CP in YunZhongGe. They are the only things truly dazzling pretty and can act anyway:
*please be excessive photoshop and not PS because this is not the same nose on YR*
I thought this was Tong LiYa, a compliment, sorta. Again, pray it’s just a nose by photoshop.
To prove my argument, see her oozing chemistry with CX’s Lin PingZhi in the everything else is fuckingblasphemyWRONG Swordsman:
This is how they are on variety show. CX said he’s not embarrassed at all kissing the older sista by 6, 7 yrs YR, actually they kissed 6 times first day of filming Swordsman, many forcefully by him, because they know each other so well. lolz CX said he’s inexperienced so he’s taught/led on well to which YR pouts is he implying she’s very experienced?!
And bonus love for any guy who can have believable romantic whatever with Miss Yuan:
I do not believe YZ will be mental enough to cast YSS as the inanimate frosty uberbeauty XiaoLongNui. Just don’t poop over ANYTHING unnecessarily with a YuanShanShan in any role from now on, please YuZheng. Because of all the things you should never ever mess up, you can totally do a decent RoCH revamp. It is basically a cheezy chicklit/romance soapy ‘wuxia’ anyway, ie your bread and butter. But if YZ got hit on his head repeatedly from now and miraculously gets it straight till cameras roll for his RoCH, pour half the budget on hiring Liu YuFei reprising the role:
Or I’ll swear my forever slavehood if you spend every dime in your savings acct on getting Fan BingBing, I promise. Because seriously FBB is still unbeatable in mindnumbing gorgeousness on the small screen and it would be quite a refreshing breakout if she can nail the token marble statue of female frigidity and purewhitesnow XNL so against her typecast of everything Foxy:
Everytime I see stills from Rouge Snow *YZ is the screenwriter coughplagiarizercough* it still takes my breath away for a minute:
Even though this is the opposite of what a XLN should don, this is basically a swimcap aping a jellyfish made out of gold and very questionable bangs anyone not FBB will look like a lunatic. I’ve not seen anything in C period more drop dead gorgeous.
ETA: I’m seriously days new to the CX fandom, his birthday was July 4th/5th and Yumama gave him a lovely grand party/fanmeet. This is how he taught his fangirls to call him ‘Hubby’/夫君 (fu jun) like his OTP did in Female Prime Minister and his cute >< face after the fan called him so. So cute!