Blades and Petals

I have lazed under blossom trees, looking up the sky:  the blue, the intermittent breezes with the petals fluttering down my body, all gone in the next swift.  I may snap a dozen pics, but fail to capture all the little sensory ripples that stick.   This happens every time I want to spazz about Blades and Petals.  *the pic is here because I like it and it calms and I can’t ruin my life further droolzing with an open mouth at CMS and UTW*

Where you have the stark enhanced frames of visual, those undeniable steely stony cold globes of CMS you are not sure ever flicker, because you know The One True BAMF does not let out a single emotion, there is no weakness in his fortress, both literally and figuratively, his dwelling is from Architecture Digest Gogureo Edition, his rooms, sparce because once he enters, he just takes up every nook and cranny and my attention.  There is no accessory, not one embellishment out of place, he knows every drop of water residing, he can lie with his back to the world yet his cocoon is selective in permeability, nothing escape his observation, but nothing is leaked out from his steely stance.  I have found myself simply staring at his unwavering glassy globes to spot a flicker or never.   He will place himself that particular spot where the silvery moonlight will diffuse through the slots crossed with shades of shadowy greys, a zebra crossing adorning his physique, meeting his wayward son shielded in the obsolete darkness at the side of the frame, to which he’ll tell him to step into the center of the room he’s set, and face him.  Then I flashback to the beginning of the episode, when UNFFORCE is stroking the wooden planks wall of his housearrest prison and the thin horizontal beams of light and hope from outside glows his face and I want to be the wooden planks, I seriously do.  There is all these stark, inanimate objects, a hairstick, one crude character etched on a pillar, that can set a fire, in me.   I do not know how long this will last, so I’m just going to enjoy I caught myself forgetting all the involuntary physical machinations in my drama ritual, not much reading subs, no pausing to spazz here and there, I mean I still got these tighten chesty feels, skipping of heartbeats,  those inner squeals I hope it stays inner and only deafening me, I vaguely recall these are all there, but I’m pretty sure at times, I caught myself, not even remembering to breathe, nor conjure up a thought, pulling myself from the experience just a logical little step away.   Maybe this is called losing my mind, maybe, most splendidly.  Can some kind sweet soul direct me to a tumblr of nothing but gifs ChoiMinSoo in this? *IF I dl’d 1080 I would learn, swear.  But I’m lazy to dig and it’s making not even a ripple much w/ the always dependable CN fans, that, in itself is making me depressed, very.*  I’m begging and will forever be your slave.

But it didn’t stop me from being haunted, savoring a moment, a scene, how brilliant it is for the music, which I am a fan now, to be absolutely in sync with the visual, but also with the exact temperature of my emotions, and it even sync with that tear Kim OkBin is dropping on her flawless cheek.  Thank you Miss Kim, for doing such a great job holding ur own (the embarrassment of just thinking of all the unmentionables I would REALLY do if I’m in the room with C!M!S! or U!T!W!), because You/卣 ie vessel in chinese makes me beat my heart and weep my tears with you and through you I’m OTPing with…ahhhhhhhhhaaaahh.   How the music fades just when UNFFFORCE! halts, to take in the visual of his princess and my heart has not been the same.  Every pause, every still has not just a purpose, but the intentional effect on me.

Choi! Min!Soo! the definition of a badass hegemonic overlord.  He’s put on this blank immovable sheen of a constant intensity in his globes like this is his last wall of defense from all that turmoil and never resting emotions rocking inside, but we all have no business even noticing.   He’s himself a fortress that cease to let any stray emotion in, or out, but it’s roaring behind the floodgate.   He emotes explosions,  inanimately.   The camera, and music is at his disposal, exactement he demands however much punctuation he pleases.  I can’t wait to see a crack, a break, and ALL HELL break lose at the fall of the mighty even though now we are all rooting for him, all of us, right?! *<— I do not know where words, from my fingers I supposed, come from.  If I can translate it to my kinds of speak it is:

ADGFSHGHKGJSFHAGXDSGVDHKGJFHADGFagshhkjfshadgaghjfgdsfafgu^%e$weqrwteyruyutrsfdagshdmh<ku^#!$@%#^&*%&$^!ersfghsadvbfadshgsadg *BREATHE* YES REMEMBER TO breatheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee OH THE HECK WITH IT fdagshdgjkhgaffsgdfqretw@%#^&&%$@^$&%(*^#adfgshdjgafgsfhdjklfjdhgsjhafgagshjj@$#%^$&#%@@ *sighsighhhhhsighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh* *tears* *SCREAMS* *SQUEALSSSS* OH KIMOKBIN I AM CRYING TOO!

PS:  CMS or UTW, can either or both of you come claim me?   just take me, whatever that’s left of me… to the nearest asylum? or just pull me off my pool of droolz lest I drown .   Both of you have to take responsible for slaying me a thousand ways every second you are on.  I have lost all energy to even squee.  Can’t even move a finger.  Flailed so sO SSOOOO hard. XOXO


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