A Small Condor Victory

No, this is not my craft project, playing along yuma’s usual banter this is ‘VERY HIGHTECH, VERY REALISTIC, VERY MAGICAL, MOST CONDORESQUE OF ALL CONDORSSSS’

The Return of Condor Heroes freaky circus is so spectacularly unfolding, and it gives me joy when our evilringmaster yuma’s silly games foiled, crumpling without fanfare, resorting to him deleting days of entries of weibos, changed his other ‘secret’ handle he has used to snide at MC for one as yu shenshen (yu ‘delete’ ‘delete’). I’ll take tiny sweet victories one at a time.  Back to the shipping box you go, you hideous crying clown:

Cashing in on the lofty and empty words of your starlet with the label ‘goddess’ attached for far too long, encouraging her up your pedestal for nothing but roasting, yuma is at his game milking, contradicting every little utterance MC and himself said.  Claiming she is the perfect fit instantaneously, a love at first sight, from her audition, barfed our ringmaster, then repeatedly posting up bts of the starlet PS’d till she is better suited to be in a commercial for bionic mask for real.  The latest:

I was literally laughing till I am tearing up when the evilclown himself posted the above tweet, claiming the pic on left is the ‘original’ while whining at his PS guru to halt PSing the face too much of the natural beauty because obviously she is drop dead gorgeous enough.  Obviously.

When we all know the truth is this:

It was beyond hilarious when yuma tells the world that he has rewritten SIXTEEN episodes of his amazing script to tailor for MC, the actress he labelled as THE perfect fit,  ‘very beautiful’, ‘very goddessy’ and now he has inserted fresh adjectives such as ‘dopey’/呆 (dāi).  IF it was truly a best of fit, why is the massive rewriting necessary?  Since we are redefining classics and simple definitions of characters now, is there a positive connotation of 呆 I should know about?!  The best of douchey clowns you are,  I will give you a chuckle.

But as the frightening shock value of the casting is wearing off, ringmasteryu is not sitting easy, his butt itchy,  time to bring back his trusted weaponry of hype magnet:  RL dating rumors.  Remember FengMi?!  While I bought none of it as it was too blatantly for publicity and the actors involved are not masterful enough at the game to fool me, it worked wonders for the pair, 2 A-listers born out of the turd that is Gong.  The same happened with Chen Xiao and Zhao LiYing during the Female Prime Minister days where they were obviously encouraged to repeat the feat of FengMi, posting endless chubby pics and be as ambiguously ‘dating’ as possible.  It didn’t work as well because CX was not as complaint with the shrills as a FSF, and I could buy FSF as having a crush on YangMi, just not genuinely reciprocated is all.  It always came out too obvious that CX wanted nothing to do with it and XLY whenever they appeared on variety shows or in interviews.  I did not see anything naturally blossoming between them, I’m not crazy about RL shipping at all, but even after their drama wrapped and was a relative ratings success, yuma has never truly let them off easy, tactlessly poked at it incessantly, even during the promotion rounds for Gong the movie when CX’s OTP is Zhou DongYu and they are sharing more easy chemistry on and off screen:

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Just when MC is on leave for the third time since primary filming commenced 2 weeks or so ago for her numerous glamorous endorsement engagements, this time trotting half the globe to Florence nonetheless, which is telling me one thing:  she must not be having a hefty workload as a ‘main’ lead.   And it is just when it’s a slow news day for RoCH anything, leaked pics and vid of CX visiting XLY on her set for her drama with YangMi’s RL bf Hawick Lau a while ago leaked out.  They were very laid back, CX smoking like a chimney, very chatty, very close, for a second or so holding hands, as if every person around them, and there were many, were nonexistent.

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I never really cared about RL dating of anyone not concerning myself  but I thought it was a poorly staged hidden camera work.  It was in broad daylight, very public in the yard and CX was seen twice giving some loaded knowing glances right at the camera:

To me this is the little actor defiantly ‘obeying’ the task set out for him by his puppetmaster yuma, before the MC casting, I would never have thought anyone could steal the limelight from CX as YangGuo, the true protagonist of the tale.  Alas, everything has a silly place per yuma, this is supposed to be the Big! Bomb!  after all eyes are attracted but lethargic by MC as XLN, we should be ready for something else to jab at, thought yuma.

ZLY is cameoing as Yang Guo’s birth mother Mu NianChi, and the pics were surreptitiously leaked, timed right at the exact day when ZLY joined the crew for her shooting.  Yuma was so full of glee, teasing and flirting with the shippers he would post one pic at a time of the pair if his weibos were retweeted a certain amount and for almost the entire night he partied on himself, both CX and ZLY did not bother a retweet.  They did not even utter a word about the ‘scandal’. CX deliberately posted some weibos with no reference to any of this.

As the pics trickled out, yuma retweeted in his deleted weibo above, all chirpy, cheekily oops a surprise! surprise! while winking:  ‘Oh, is palm reading in vogue?!  kekeke’  But as crying wolves go, this is more than three strikes, and the tabloid leaking the pics and vids did not get the explosive chatter yuma planned, no sweeping of headlines yuma expected.  There are not as many diehard shippers of the pair as yuma thought.  Peeps against the RL pairing (and why do they think they have a say to begin with) are pissed things are not going their way apparently, some CX fangirls are heartbroken because from their pov, he put up a charade of nonchalance towards ZLY for so long while he truly has the hots for her (I have no problem of charades if they want to keep it private).  However, they would prefer him having genuine feelings for her than to believe this is all a tasteless act for publicity (which sadly imo was the most plausible scenario).  All in all, it was just a few patting and holding of hands of non-A-listers, very harmless in this day and age as no one is compromised, horizontal on a bed or sth and flaunting some private body parts.

So yuma’s latest silly scheme deflated without the ripples he has hoped for.  YES! Hallelujah!  He then lost his marbles, and flipped an ugly weibo (now deleted) at the tabloid for lying about him being against the couple, therefore they have to keep their romance a secret.

/@于正1978:我不介意你们偷拍艺人的私生活,那是狗仔生存之道,但YY我阻止神马的就太无耻了,我那么忙,写作已经累疯了,哪顾得上管艺人的事,他们有自己的经纪人好吗?而且我还挺鼓励艺人恋爱的,可以吸取更多经验把戏演得更好,还有演员的价格,为什么好奇这个?她拿多拿少又进不了你

HAHA he used the words 太无耻, too shameless, accusing the tabloids.  Who knows the characters were ever in his dictionary?!?!?!?!?!?!

The most eye-rolling thing about yuma’s rampage was when he gushed on an unconcerned party MC in the same breath, so out of place as in ranting on MC’s pay, ‘no matter how much capital she’s bringing into the production, it is not going into your pocket!’   Hm.  This is as clear as to why MC is truly cast.

And MC continues to get the most thick-skinned delusional crazie award:

…where she says she wants to be Huang Rong the most out of all LC heroines because ‘she is so witty and mischievous.’  Lady.  ‘GODDESS’. Please.  Stop.  Your XLN is guaranteed memorable enough lasting my entire lifetime.  I swear.

We are all beyond worried sick how yuma will rewrite the story, not how much it would authentically stick to canon obviously, but I, for one, am hoping for it to be absolutely outrageously unrecognizable.  Its only saving grace is to distance itself as far away from LC’s RoCH and be the most rambunctious silliest LC spoof ever.  I’m not alone:

This is a proposed storyboard in video format outlining plot by plot what yuma should do, the handiwork by the genius behind a CCTV channel 10 cult favorite, the now cancelled 第10放映室 . It was a program where they did honest in-depth movie/drama reviews injecting the wittiest snark most appropriately.  The host is still continuing the legacy online, posting videos of their latest entry of their snarkathon since 2004.

The storyboard:

  • YG is a notty boy acting out after his mommy died.  He sexually harrassed GuoFu (and other girls), thus is sent off to the juvenile detention center at Hua Mountain where his punishment is to be ‘reeducated’ by the uglist XLN ever.
  • The urchin fell in love with the only female, his auntie XLN soon after.  But the dopey XLN is not interested in the as unrefined little urchin.  Instead she sets her mind to seduce the tall, rich and handsome Yin ZhiBing of the prestigious Hua Mtn Sect
  • One fateful night, her wish comes true.  But like all rich bastard, Yin left her hanging after the one night stand.
  • XLN is heartbroken, and it is then she remembers the urchin, her ‘spare tire’/rebound.
  • But the proud YG would not settle as a charity case, instead he hooks up with the other auntie in the tomb of his same heartbreak hotel, Li MoChou
  • XLN, after the romping with Yin, caught syphilis from the douchebag, her body starts to rot, trusting some old shaman’s bs, and it is the age before modern medicine, she jumps off the cliff on top of the Passionless Valley to find the secret syphilis antedote Passionless elixir
  • For the next 16 years, YG and LMC lives seemingly happily romancing each other but LMC has not forgotten her first love Mr. Lu, YG is only her ‘spare tire’.
  • YG gets so furious knowing the truth, they fight a wuxia fight.  She chops his arm off and he burns her to death.  With her last breath she recites the love poem by 元好問: 雁丘词 while longing for her OTP Mr Lu
  • Heartbroken, YG then thinks of of his Auntie XLN at the bottom of Passionless Valley some 16 years ago.  They reunite. Alas, her syphilis is not cured.
  • More manpain, YG leaves with broCondor for good.  From then on broCondor and YG’s own left hand keeps him company at land’s end.
  • FIN

That is at least entertaining and makjang and within the abilities of all the actors involved.  yuma, take note!

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18 thoughts on “A Small Condor Victory

  1. Yuma really is a nauseating piece of crap. I honestly don’t know how he gets a hold of some of the better actors. The idea of Chen Xiao working under him just makes me sad, he’s super talented yet he’s stuck working for some begger sect or another. It’s such a waste!

    As for Michelle, she really has become delirious, I actually like her in some of her previous works, she’s fine playing the deer stuck in the headlights, but damn the amount of photoshop required just to make her ‘appear’ XLN is mind boggling, if she’s already this stupid then there’s no hope for anything even close to acting coming out of her.

    1. I was naively holding out hope this would be decent, honest, perhaps the most watchable yuma in years and years to come. Then as shit unfolds I was firmly wishing at least CX would kickass and hold this ship afloat. Now I don’t even that. I want this to flunk so disastrously, combined with yuma’s upcoming dramas on rotation in the cables (Beauties of Emperor, Gong3 *seriously this franchise’s horrible death is long overdued* Yun Zhong Ge) and we are on track of ridding a yuma.

      Because if this in any way becomes a hit, CX will still be tied to yuma because he’s profitable, if this bomb, and as gong the movie did awful as well at the box office, perhaps CX can negotiate himself out. I do not see him having the passion and excitement on the set when he should with such a role and I’m weeping inside. This is sosoooo early on in the production, it is absolutely beyond me why yuma has to go all out this low when the end product is not going to air many months later. *shrug*

      1. Probably because he know’s it’s going to all end rather awfully for us viewers anyway, and being the sociopath that he is, why not make us rage a little more?

        1. But I mean this is terribly low and nobody is fooled to even rage at his silly publicity stunts When he was clapping and all gleeeeeing at CX and ZLY rumors, he’s the only one making a big fuss about it then claiming no meddling, then deleting, all without much fanfare. I think he’s exhausted every bit of our morbid interest in a liar lying through his fat ass.

          And how on earth is he expecting to keep this circus somewhat newsworthy for the next half a yr plus?! That he and CX are married and have children and he is actually a she?!

  2. that damn condor looks like retarded, even my baby cousin can do a better job than that. I was bored , so I went on Baidu post board for some news, then, holly mother of cow, that Photoshopped vs. Real picture of Michelle Chen made the top post, it freak me out, no, still freaking. CX and MC are decent actors in high demand now, i honestly don’t want their career to go down hill because of that hideous plots of Yumama. Mr. Louis Cha might goes crazy due to yuma shitty remake. Well, there you go, yuma, you have destroyed many people childhood memories of the wuxia world. congratulation .

    1. That is why in my previous rant I’ve kindly attached that real silly stuckon mask thing because I truly see no difference in how freaky they are PS’ing her face to the hilt than putting on that mask and call it a day.

      CX is a decent actor, MC is so not in my books, that is why even though I can live with a miscast, I have absolutely no faith she has the ability to elevate from the hole she dug herself.

      I honestly do not think LC cares about these silly TV remakes no more, they must be paying him so handsomely, he turned a blind eye counting his pensions in units of mansions, just like the Hollywood A+listers all of them out of the woodwork, not for anything legit but so out of element at some opening ceremony for some film city in CN

      1. ha.. i though so too, LC must have gave up of these silly remakes. But, on some thoughts, his decisions kinda upset the fans. CN have so much classic tales and resources to make TV shows great, and yet, there so many limitations in production process and the gov. stages/ topic concerns to be pass. what a waste, just look at Da Mo Yao. The fact that big cash been paid to shut the author/screenwriter’s mouth really question their responsibility and the future of TV drama. It might take for ever for CN show to match the level of HBO/AMC, not that i want any Chinese zombie.

        1. haha I want Chinese zombie, if they are focusing on the right human elements, they are undeads afterall!

          I’m a proponent for censorship like DaMoYao though, the book disgusted me on how outrageous it twisted historical figures, and the author lady really has no respect for history claiming her chicklit is a plausible scenario of who knows?! and an influential hazard to the younglings, because of her fiction, there is a fan of hers carving words like the protagonist of the story, the general hero did not die here or something at his Han mausoleum.

          The industry is swarmed by peeps who have no artistic integrity but business vulture capitalists like the backers of yuma, here to make a quick buck. Hopefully the fad will die down once it’s not as overheated/lucrative

  3. If MC (or her company) was hoping that being XLN would help further her image as a sort of “nv shen” after becoming (every?) male’s fantasy as “Shen Jia Yi”, then it’s not exactly a good choice.
    I liked MC decently enough despite her limited range, but considering the flak she’s getting as XLN and how she’s managed to totally destroy her previous image even to the males who worship her (because how can one compare XLN to SJY…); I can only wish her good luck from now on.
    ROCH is hardly my favourite LC novel (though it doesn’t mean I want a YZ to butcher it), but it’s no surprise that people are getting up in arms about XLN, perhaps even more so because of what XLN is supposed to be.
    Considering how awful the costumes are in ROCH, and Yu Ma’s plagarism, he should
    have just “inspired” Big Bird from Sesame street and be done with it. (Sorry, I just can’t help turding at Yu Ma, he’s just an awful person…does karma not exist?)

    1. Are you familiar with the anime Doraemon? If not, it’s a story of a little boy Nobita who is a…loser, who had a robot ‘cat’ accidentally entering his world, his home, in the story there are characters who are bullies, then there is this nice girl Shizuka who is a league above him (yes we’re still talking about gradeschoolers) but is kind and nice and sweet and a good student and his best friend. Shen Jia Yi is what my hubs called a Shizuka for a Nobita. A normal nice girl who serves as an approachable wet dream for ‘losers’/nerds/geeks <- all affectionate terms meaning no harm. So in RL I know of very few guys who regarded MC as a 'nu shen'/goddess or find her attractive, and those 2 of them (literally two) are the super geeks/densha okotos. But it is not like I can not understand the charm of a nice girl, with many affable qualities be a dreamgirl of any regular boy as wife material…BUT that is as drastic the exact opposite of a XLN.

      Usually we can count of yuma's shenanigans to rile up a shitstorm online, but that is not the case, so I think his end to have any clout even in just being the most widely hated douchebag is coming to an end, and when nobody is paying him any interest even just to hit the bejewels out of him, we will all have a party here and cheers and give a proper toast to our gf: Karma!

  4. ROFLMAO TVB’s 80s version had a better condor than Yuma’s 2013 version.

    I don’t blame CX for feeling unmotivated and bored about the production – I’d be feeling the same way too if I was in his shoes!

    The amount of PS they do for MC is ridiculous and I really wonder how much extra time they have to waste to do so much PS for the whole production.

    MC is getting to the point of being extremely irritating with her delusions. FFS she’s not satisfied with screwing up XLN, she wants to screw up the most epic wuxia heroine of all time (Huang Rong) too?!! PFFFFFT

    1. *sighhhhh* MC is super overrated to me and almost everyone I know in RL but I did not give it a care because if she stayed in her niche being the goddess of the nerds, she is cute and sweet looking enough fitting those shoes, BUT apparently she truly thinks she is a goddess of the masses and now attacking the top wuxia heroines. Yes, we are all complaining why is there a need to rehash an LC adaptation, but still the last one was in 2006, 7 years made a whole generation of upcoming actors and actresses vying for a place amongst the A listers and a YG or a XLN is proven THE role to most safely do that job…and she’s robbed a much more deserving actress that seat, and more damningly affecting CX’s ascension to be a true player of the industry and rid himself of yuma <- that is what I was hoping for, the most urgent thing for the sake of CX's career out of this turd. XLN is buying her a lot of noise, she is a lucrative commodity legit in attracting eyeballs for better or worse, and wind is the biggie production companies do have the rights of every LC, and will churn them out without much care for the guaranteed profit in an LC overload next few years and that includes LoCH seriously in talks for pre-.production. IF MC truly lands Huang Rong as well, I will make it my life's mission to slice her if only on my blog. She would be my most hated actress EVER.

      1. Oh dear God, if MC plays Huang Rong…. *facepalm*
        I think I’m gonna cry out of despair for my favorite wuxia heroine…. And if you post about it I’d read your posts with pleasure.

        At this point it wouldn’t surprise me if the production teams of Cdramaland remade all of Jin Yong’s works, because that’s how crass and money-focused they’re become, no longer caring about the quality of their art as long as they make $$$. *sigh*

        Poor CX is just gonna have to tough it out and get through this production. Hopefully there’ll be other producers/directors who notice him and then he may have a chance to escape Yuma’s greedy clutches…

        1. GOSH. Lets hope that post of mine would never have to materialize. It would be written in spit out blood, gallons of it

          I’ve given up on RoCH doing CX any good. If we can notice his potential both in talent and stardom <-which can be directly translated to $$$$, the insiders must've taken note. In my head I could've lived with MC as XLN now, IF they still stick to every aspect of her character, cold, aloof, unworldly, stubborn…..except the drop dead gorgeousness, YG did not fall for his gugu because of her appearance anyway and I honestly give up vexing what yuma would do to whitewash the rapist lusting over the out of the world beauty, axing it all and make Yin the conventional puppy guy2 is so probable.

    1. LESIGH

      At least the proposed changes made some sense…we can never underestimate what yuma could do. He just said on his weibo, YangRong (Yue LingShan of Swordsman, cute and pretty and much younger looking than her earlier 30s) is going to be Mei Chaofeng (梅超風) and there would be the romance LC himself ‘revised’ between the young apprentice Mei and the maestro Eastern Heretic Huang YaoShi, part of the love triangle with his wife whom Huang supposedly mourned the rest of his life after her death. Why this has anything to do with RoCH when that was just a passing (cringeworthy) vignette at the very beginning of LoCH, one may ask?! Typical monkeying of yuma. He has a bunch of very young looking gorgeous 30sth playing the older gens and sounds like he would make use of them to the max. This could probably be LoCH+RoCH+HSDS all meshed into one fucking mess.

  5. Mookie you are just too funny! This makes my morning reading your blog! But you guys just got all sad and depressed at the end:(

    I know money and connections are important but at the end of the day, CX’s future will depend on how strong his resolve is. Unless there really is no way out?? I dont know, but to become the slave of someone who behaves this way, isnt that way more pitiable than a no-name actor who spends more years carving out a name for himself?

    1. My hubs walked into me staring and laughing my butt off at that condor contraption and asked if it’s some mommy’s condor piñata for her unique child gone a bit awry, and said I was mean, it is still cute (considering he thought this is a craft project filled with candies for the kids to smash the heck out of it)

      It is a double edged sword though, the industry is not healthy and normal, every actor entering the industry has a drive and an ego, if you are a no-namer, you won’t even get work, where is the leisure to carve out a name? I assume you know enough (haha way too much) of my Loverboy Yuan Hong, he stuck with TangRen for almost 10 years, a few of those with abysmal amount of work, his late 20s, practically wasted. It’s good he got out when he still has a convincing face to be a young leading man, but not for long, if he didn’t have a breakout soon in these 2 years, his window to sneak into leading man status would be gone forever.

      So I do support CX to leave his old company Hua Brothers, the biggest management in the industry because he had very few opportunities, only notable work is for a min in Detective Dee and another episode here and there over the few years, and after he signed with yuma, he has been working endlessly and without the exposure, I would not have noticed him. So I cheered for him to make the best out of this RoCH, make YG his best job to date, and other managements will notice him as a hot commodity, like a Lin GengXin, and doors will open for him to ship this sinking ship, but alas, this looks like the worst of turds yuma ever churned out. :~(

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