No, this is not my craft project, playing along yuma’s usual banter this is ‘VERY HIGHTECH, VERY REALISTIC, VERY MAGICAL, MOST CONDORESQUE OF ALL CONDORSSSS’
The Return of Condor Heroes freaky circus is so spectacularly unfolding, and it gives me joy when our evilringmaster yuma’s silly games foiled, crumpling without fanfare, resorting to him deleting days of entries of weibos, changed his other ‘secret’ handle he has used to snide at MC for one as yu shenshen (yu ‘delete’ ‘delete’). I’ll take tiny sweet victories one at a time. Back to the shipping box you go, you hideous crying clown:
Cashing in on the lofty and empty words of your starlet with the label ‘goddess’ attached for far too long, encouraging her up your pedestal for nothing but roasting, yuma is at his game milking, contradicting every little utterance MC and himself said. Claiming she is the perfect fit instantaneously, a love at first sight, from her audition, barfed our ringmaster, then repeatedly posting up bts of the starlet PS’d till she is better suited to be in a commercial for bionic mask for real. The latest:
I was literally laughing till I am tearing up when the evilclown himself posted the above tweet, claiming the pic on left is the ‘original’ while whining at his PS guru to halt PSing the face too much of the natural beauty because obviously she is drop dead gorgeous enough. Obviously.
When we all know the truth is this:
It was beyond hilarious when yuma tells the world that he has rewritten SIXTEEN episodes of his amazing script to tailor for MC, the actress he labelled as THE perfect fit, ‘very beautiful’, ‘very goddessy’ and now he has inserted fresh adjectives such as ‘dopey’/呆 (dāi). IF it was truly a best of fit, why is the massive rewriting necessary? Since we are redefining classics and simple definitions of characters now, is there a positive connotation of 呆 I should know about?! The best of douchey clowns you are, I will give you a chuckle.
But as the frightening shock value of the casting is wearing off, ringmasteryu is not sitting easy, his butt itchy, time to bring back his trusted weaponry of hype magnet: RL dating rumors. Remember FengMi?! While I bought none of it as it was too blatantly for publicity and the actors involved are not masterful enough at the game to fool me, it worked wonders for the pair, 2 A-listers born out of the turd that is Gong. The same happened with Chen Xiao and Zhao LiYing during the Female Prime Minister days where they were obviously encouraged to repeat the feat of FengMi, posting endless chubby pics and be as ambiguously ‘dating’ as possible. It didn’t work as well because CX was not as complaint with the shrills as a FSF, and I could buy FSF as having a crush on YangMi, just not genuinely reciprocated is all. It always came out too obvious that CX wanted nothing to do with it and XLY whenever they appeared on variety shows or in interviews. I did not see anything naturally blossoming between them, I’m not crazy about RL shipping at all, but even after their drama wrapped and was a relative ratings success, yuma has never truly let them off easy, tactlessly poked at it incessantly, even during the promotion rounds for Gong the movie when CX’s OTP is Zhou DongYu and they are sharing more easy chemistry on and off screen:
Just when MC is on leave for the third time since primary filming commenced 2 weeks or so ago for her numerous glamorous endorsement engagements, this time trotting half the globe to Florence nonetheless, which is telling me one thing: she must not be having a hefty workload as a ‘main’ lead. And it is just when it’s a slow news day for RoCH anything, leaked pics and vid of CX visiting XLY on her set for her drama with YangMi’s RL bf Hawick Lau a while ago leaked out. They were very laid back, CX smoking like a chimney, very chatty, very close, for a second or so holding hands, as if every person around them, and there were many, were nonexistent.
I never really cared about RL dating of anyone not concerning myself but I thought it was a poorly staged hidden camera work. It was in broad daylight, very public in the yard and CX was seen twice giving some loaded knowing glances right at the camera:
To me this is the little actor defiantly ‘obeying’ the task set out for him by his puppetmaster yuma, before the MC casting, I would never have thought anyone could steal the limelight from CX as YangGuo, the true protagonist of the tale. Alas, everything has a silly place per yuma, this is supposed to be the Big! Bomb! after all eyes are attracted but lethargic by MC as XLN, we should be ready for something else to jab at, thought yuma.
ZLY is cameoing as Yang Guo’s birth mother Mu NianChi, and the pics were surreptitiously leaked, timed right at the exact day when ZLY joined the crew for her shooting. Yuma was so full of glee, teasing and flirting with the shippers he would post one pic at a time of the pair if his weibos were retweeted a certain amount and for almost the entire night he partied on himself, both CX and ZLY did not bother a retweet. They did not even utter a word about the ‘scandal’. CX deliberately posted some weibos with no reference to any of this.
As the pics trickled out, yuma retweeted in his deleted weibo above, all chirpy, cheekily oops a surprise! surprise! while winking: ‘Oh, is palm reading in vogue?! kekeke’ But as crying wolves go, this is more than three strikes, and the tabloid leaking the pics and vids did not get the explosive chatter yuma planned, no sweeping of headlines yuma expected. There are not as many diehard shippers of the pair as yuma thought. Peeps against the RL pairing (and why do they think they have a say to begin with) are pissed things are not going their way apparently, some CX fangirls are heartbroken because from their pov, he put up a charade of nonchalance towards ZLY for so long while he truly has the hots for her (I have no problem of charades if they want to keep it private). However, they would prefer him having genuine feelings for her than to believe this is all a tasteless act for publicity (which sadly imo was the most plausible scenario). All in all, it was just a few patting and holding of hands of non-A-listers, very harmless in this day and age as no one is compromised, horizontal on a bed or sth and flaunting some private body parts.
So yuma’s latest silly scheme deflated without the ripples he has hoped for. YES! Hallelujah! He then lost his marbles, and flipped an ugly weibo (now deleted) at the tabloid for lying about him being against the couple, therefore they have to keep their romance a secret.
HAHA he used the words 太无耻, too shameless, accusing the tabloids. Who knows the characters were ever in his dictionary?!?!?!?!?!?!
The most eye-rolling thing about yuma’s rampage was when he gushed on an unconcerned party MC in the same breath, so out of place as in ranting on MC’s pay, ‘no matter how much capital she’s bringing into the production, it is not going into your pocket!’ Hm. This is as clear as to why MC is truly cast.
And MC continues to get the most thick-skinned delusional crazie award:
…where she says she wants to be Huang Rong the most out of all LC heroines because ‘she is so witty and mischievous.’ Lady. ‘GODDESS’. Please. Stop. Your XLN is guaranteed memorable enough lasting my entire lifetime. I swear.
We are all beyond worried sick how yuma will rewrite the story, not how much it would authentically stick to canon obviously, but I, for one, am hoping for it to be absolutely outrageously unrecognizable. Its only saving grace is to distance itself as far away from LC’s RoCH and be the most rambunctious silliest LC spoof ever. I’m not alone:
This is a proposed storyboard in video format outlining plot by plot what yuma should do, the handiwork by the genius behind a CCTV channel 10 cult favorite, the now cancelled 第10放映室 . It was a program where they did honest in-depth movie/drama reviews injecting the wittiest snark most appropriately. The host is still continuing the legacy online, posting videos of their latest entry of their snarkathon since 2004.
- YG is a notty boy acting out after his mommy died. He sexually harrassed GuoFu (and other girls), thus is sent off to the juvenile detention center at Hua Mountain where his punishment is to be ‘reeducated’ by the uglist XLN ever.
- The urchin fell in love with the only female, his auntie XLN soon after. But the dopey XLN is not interested in the as unrefined little urchin. Instead she sets her mind to seduce the tall, rich and handsome Yin ZhiBing of the prestigious Hua Mtn Sect
- One fateful night, her wish comes true. But like all rich bastard, Yin left her hanging after the one night stand.
- XLN is heartbroken, and it is then she remembers the urchin, her ‘spare tire’/rebound.
- But the proud YG would not settle as a charity case, instead he hooks up with the other auntie in the tomb of his same heartbreak hotel, Li MoChou
- XLN, after the romping with Yin, caught syphilis from the douchebag, her body starts to rot, trusting some old shaman’s bs, and it is the age before modern medicine, she jumps off the cliff on top of the Passionless Valley to find the secret syphilis antedote Passionless elixir
- For the next 16 years, YG and LMC lives seemingly happily romancing each other but LMC has not forgotten her first love Mr. Lu, YG is only her ‘spare tire’.
- YG gets so furious knowing the truth, they fight a wuxia fight. She chops his arm off and he burns her to death. With her last breath she recites the love poem by 元好問: 雁丘词 while longing for her OTP Mr Lu
- Heartbroken, YG then thinks of of his Auntie XLN at the bottom of Passionless Valley some 16 years ago. They reunite. Alas, her syphilis is not cured.
- More manpain, YG leaves with broCondor for good. From then on broCondor and YG’s own left hand keeps him company at land’s end.
That is at least entertaining and makjang and within the abilities of all the actors involved. yuma, take note!