Discovery of Love 6

OT. TO. KE.

At the back of my silly mind I was asking for best angsty thinghitfan ever for Eric and YooMi, give them a good iceberg, shake their OTP boat to the core in some perfect storm…so much faith in them yanking me through another emotional ride so unexpectedly intense.  Humor us, surprise us, most of us are hardcore stalwart of this unsinkable ship.

And.

Plot THICKENS.  I got more than I ask in one short episode with many min of giggly old silly bromantic almost kissy karaoke to begin and now I am lost at the end.

I…have stopped my OTP shipping (and jumping to sternly YR+Sol only and I kid not), my sole purpose to be obsessed since the wind of this drama.  I need a moment at bay to think through this conundrum.  I still want to irrationally ship the OTP, the intensity the chemistry when they are in a room suck its air out into a vacuum of nothing but hot swoooonnn, but the stakes are raised soo shockingly high I am at lost.

It was almost impossible for them as the QSS OTP to overcome all the obstacles and gave us that lovely plausible ending, every step of the way we rode with their characters, feeling what they feel.   It is still so awesome the case here but there is no way personally for me to overcome this unimaginable, insurmountable hurt triggered from this however dreamy the package of Eric is, to fall for him again in HYR’s shoes.   I was a bit taken aback how cynical a very scorned woman she can still be right after his ASDFGFHGHKJKJFGADSDDFGJKKLLLKJHFSADLL emotional drunken outburst last episode, seeing her emotionally shaken like a human being, yet snapped out of it faster.  I thought it was a tad cruel, even if understandable somewhat to be happy TH declared his love for her just to fulfill the pipedream for revenge of the ex who is bringing back nothing but hurtful memories. Someone who should mean nothing to you now, you r deliberately hurting showing up with the bf, but now I know WHAT that particular painful memory is.  The saddest demise they are in is, it was exactly as she simply put: his neglect is at fault towards the end of their romance 5 years ago, and the most infuriating part for her is he is still clueless (so soo soooo true in this new light), but how it spun into this irreversible regret that hurt her so terribly and clearly still hit her in vulnerable part of her heart she has tried to wall up since, making her so much more relatable with one plot point and a great light to her character’s very drastic turn on love…is nothing he would ever do with awareness, but it was done.  We can not turn back time, nor bringing back the dead.  It is his fault I doubt even YR is faulting him completely…..but there is no way i can see a chance to rekindle anything when his gorgeous hot face alone must be bringing back the worst haunting memory.  If last episode we almost have to chop our hands off wanting to reach into our screens to hug Eric like never before, I want to do the same to YooMi.   And now I am at the edge of the seat biting my nails, watching what I was led on for 5 and a half episodes this is easy fluff of the swoony summery PlotWhatPlot pleasure…and now I am in a dark unexpected delicious twilightzone guessing PLOT, what will TPTB/writernim pull out to sway me back on course?!?!?! Let alone we are going memento piecing back what forms a figment of memory to an individual.  My brain is berserk and we are nowhere close to having every piece of the puzzle yet from YR and Mom… on her Dad.

 

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The only thing he regrets coming out of his mouth last night was… narabang.  Not the hundred or so words of heartbreaking confession on love and hell even when he remembers everything, including her wicked smile.  It was a heartbreaking mix of regret and longing bursting with emotions but I have calmed down taking in the pov of YR: He was basically admitting he did not truly love her while they were dating.  It was taking her for granted and he could have said millions of apologetic words on what little things he did wrong because of neglect, but bottomline is he could not understand what she was going through in love with him…because he was not truly in love with her.   It is nothing new for YR, sad but true, it is only for TH and us to realize even in such an intense delivery that would still sting no matter how many times he was saying he likes her, likes her, likes her so very much like hell or beyond, now, when she has fallen out of love with him. The narabang scene is hilarious and embarrassing as expected and we have bromance and tonnes of Eric shaking it or almost kissing SJ gifs.  All’s well.

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BUT I was hoping for this:


Dirty Carnival ending, super spoilerish.

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The usual, we want to be a mic, a tambourine, a mist of cologne on Eric’s neck…his phone.
Ego has taken a BIG blow and now he is interviewed about it.  His hyung can somewhat help savage his pride as his imaginary fangirl on the other end.   I have a feeling KTH’s phone has no female friend on it, EVER.

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I do not know that time capsule photo memory box is so prominently on display all along on that dresser.  Hmm.

Hyung is such a sweetheart, since now I am shipping YR and Sol, I have to ship TH and Hyung, he has bought the breakfast he likes exactly and that is sharing a sandwich and cream cake and black iced coffee.  Sharing a sandwich and identical breakfast food preference is so CP.  He can sense you want ears to listen about girl trouble, it is not any day you ask to look over the contract with Summer and Pine how much it would cost you financially to break it, in the same breath the cost emotionally falling for a ‘married’ woman like Great Gatsby, as your hyung is nudging it has a BE.  (Now drama, I am seriously warning you I do not want any of these people dead and in that order:  Sol, DJH, HYR, KTH, taxiahjusshi,  writer assistant lady, NHJ, NHJ’s Mom and HYR’s Mom.  Lets sign in blood and bind it in writerdramafiendcontract or my hands will have ur blood on ’em.

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I can’t even cap him hiding in a nanosecond with the whiff of YR and Sol in the building!   She caught him redhanded but did not snuff him out, casually chirpy, asking him about how he is doing, whether he got home safe last night.  She says she was so drunk she blacked out like last time…and you believe her?!  Not that she is putting on a very good act so you will stop you childish charade huh?! So silly.

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From the manchild who is horrible at acting cool to a hot Eric drinking his own hot sauce, all it takes was a click of HYR/JYM in scene, touching his collar, or out of scene (but eying her back to give him a forced smooch my fangirl 6th sense is saying)

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It was a close shave, all his one-sided feelings fall in her ears but her ears were passed out deaf, his pride is intact, he thinks.   He is asked to join the crew for lunch, and I do not know all about pride and stuff but I’ve counted and KTH glances over at a very nonchalant blankfaced HYR fishing for a hint of a smile, nod, nudge anything, for 4 times but gets nothing. He still goes along because she is going. He said he has somewhere urgent to go… that is before catching her face with the corner of his eye, like a very unsure of himself schoolboy fretting for a pat from his favorite teacher he is crushing on

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We have eyesmexing:

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I actually admire what HYR is doing, taking control of her love life, advising the girls to live life for themselves first before ever compromising to anyone.  Love is a battlefield and she had PTSD, it is no place to be sweet, nice, a pushover caring about others no more.  Been there, done that.  He is not manning up, still faking nothing went on last night. She will teach him a lesson illustrating with an anecdote or two of her romance with him: how it fell apart and for KTH specifically, why he got a big fat Nope. Here is your medicine.  And I have a BF.

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He used to giggle thinking she was the cutest messy thing teasing and kissing her why she needs to clean up.

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A few years later, when she was still the messy thing getting food on her face, she was nobody~ , not cute anymore.  All he did was shaking his head pushing box of tissue, not even helping when her hands are tied to…fried chicken.

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You know you drink hot tea very hotly in a very bothering mankind kind of way DONT YOU ERICSHHIII!!!!

Sorry the world is full of men and women who would fall for that smolder but sad for you not HYR.   She is leaving early just with a little courtesy thanks on her way out.

He stops her, offering her a ride because of nothing he said last night nor she is sending him a public stab under the table, so sure he can never treat her so horribly.  There must be something wrong with her memory because he can remember everything and only recalls the cotton candy fluff.

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YR lets him be, taking on what opinion that suits him, but he is not letting her go.  We only remember what is most important to us.  We all have selective memory.  It is almost a fight or flight, one of them held on all things sweet and worth savoring in denial of the harsh reality, the horrible shadow of what he was; the other equipped with all the dueling scars, ‘badges of honor’ of the bitterness to never forget fighting against letting herself be the weak pushover in a romance power struggle ever again.
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Oh snap.  She is hanging him out to dry, repeating every word he said last night to his face, the ones he pretends never escaping his mouth…and you are so sure she is the one with faulty memory huh?!?

In hindsight, YR can not be more straight forward, brutally honest about her feelings towards KTH: she does not (allow herself to) have any.  That was a very intense speech on what he ‘must think it is love’. She remembers every word, he got his feelings professed, but the feeling of one party involved is not all there is to love from her experience.  He can love her all he wants and be in hell, she is not obligated to do anything about it, be it reciprocates, nor cares about his feelings, AT ALL.  KTH, you think longing for someone you are having strong feelings towards, someone no longer yours to have is love and hell in one neat package deserves at least empathy…wait till when you are nothing to her and she can make you as small as she cares to, or not even.  And she is not mincing words this is your own medicine, served just because you have been begging and pleading nonstop from her, reappearing in her life, causing nuisance and havoc.
That is very GOOD HYR.  Not just on the revenge front, biting him where it hurts when he asks for it, but that is a lot of sense shaking him off his pedestal, doubting himself. Not to be too harsh on KTH, he was an ignorant prick when dating YR, no one is doubting he is quite madly in love with her in his way this very moment, not even YR, but so valid it does not have to matter a thing to YR.  She can be evil, horrible to a non-issue KTH all she wants to safeguard her happiness with the man in her life now, who can argue with that.  Last on earth would be you, KTH.

Mom has a ‘Vit D habit’ a bit creepy if you ask me, sitting off court watching on young boys playing football.  There is a fear causing my tummy queasy, especially when worn sneakers are purposefully mentioned, greasy ahjusshi is also in the picture, on top of she is too kind and keen towards a stranger boy 9, 10 years old.  We can do math and DON’T do anything else, Writernims.

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They are still on the subject of dead spouses or dead romances.  Mom says she does not believe in afterlife perhaps because all of us are sinners.  All. Death is a finality for the physical demise of person…but not the intangibles left behind be it love or hate or usually the deadly mix of them she is still harboring for her dead husband (who must have done sth irrevocably hurtful 10 years ago)…and perhaps the guy sitting a few feet from her right now.

In a passing flashback of TH reminiscing them brushing teeth together last episode, we got how dear TH must be to YR’s Dad and he had a close bond with the old man.   I did not give that info much thought, until now we know that was the little pebble starting the big ripple.  TH remembers YR’s dad loves soy sauce crab and asks Sol to bring Uncle some…when he literally has his living daylight, life, air sucked out of him as Sol tells him Uncle was dead a month before they broke up.
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That is why Sol hates him, now he knows, for heartlessly breaking up with her bff at the worst time in YR’s life. Sol also knows now KTH has no idea of the death, he looks so devastated on the news of Uncle’s passing it can not be he does not remember when he still remembers what YR’s Dad loves to eat.
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Hyung confronts TH finally what he must have an irk for a while, they have dated, but what he can not figure out is the very douchy thing TH must have done to cause her holding a vengeance still?   He also does not know TH only just realized what particular horrible thing he was possibly capable of.

HJ gets SOOOO delighted over the kimbap date (BARF).   It is kind of scary when drama puts my mind at ease this guy loves YR so much and yet he can be taken over by an obsession totally forgetting simple rules of dating you just promised your gf/fiancee, neglecting her every specific word of what is bugging her: this juice/gimbap girl, going on a date with this specific girl, going on a gimbap date with THIS specific girl and all the endless lying…and for what?!?!?!

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If he is keeping the info he is the Oppa from her because: 1. She can not recognize him when she insists she could on strong enough first love voodoo so he is not robbing her the magical reveal *barf* 2.  Because he has a gf he puts it as things can happens in da years between while he still can do everything that is dating/leading this long lost first love on because, he can?!  *barfbarfbarf*  3. Because she is obviously joking she will kill him being the cause of her demise, ie guilt BUT he can still insert himself in her life all jolly on gimbap date, free surgeries on her friends, yes please press his doorbell when she drops him free raw juice so…maybe he can give her a ‘ride’ before class?! On top of saying shit like he wants her to eat nice food and asking all these questions of I CARE ABOUT YOU LOTS.  *barfbarfbarfbarfbarf* None of the above makes an aota of sense for me.

Even if I can be un-superficial about the plastic on barbie AAR, she knew he has a gf when YR answered his door last episode, so it is at least lacking sensitivity chip or the stereotype of barbies do not have brains of her to ask him out on a gimbap dinner date the freaken next day when she is supposed to be this super hardworking CandyCandy no time for sleep, not even breakfast! ohnoes nor game.   None of that platonic, just friends oppa dongseng BS when you turn around and look/droolz on as he drives off with an ‘ OH HE IS SOOO FINE!’  That is textbook fangirl behavior and none of us just wanna be friends with the oppahs and wetbehindearsQTpies  *BARFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF*

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For future reference, he did not turn the phone off, he just chooses to not answer YR’s calls BECAUSE HE IS ON A DATE WITH HIS OBSESSION HE DOES NOT WANT TO LEAK OUT HE HAS A GF

END RANT

phewww

I am a normal ajumma not lying down taking any romanticizing of peeps cheating and stealing bfs/gfs AND faking it as some noble LUBLUB notion of first love between a 7 and a 12 year old.  GIMME A FKING BREAK.

END RANT FOR REALZ

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Human Zipper does open and close letting info in and out, on and off…but he has a very sharp and clear sensibility every time just letting out exactly how much that is required for the peace of his universe and the happiness of his darlings, not a drop more.   Say, he has never mindlessly uttered a word about his crush on Sol (I insist) because it will only trouble Sol.  The only information he lets YR pick up is AARGH works as salesgirl on top of being a juicegirl and bikeshop girl all of which YR knows already.  No harm’s done really except the always giveth hyung himself is punished to do a month of dishes just because of the few seconds he did not tell YR what she found out with technology right after.

Eric, is hottest when he has a slight frown we all want to smooth it out with kisses and knowing frown will pop right back.  Hmmm. Hmmmm. Hmmmmmm.  Oh yes, scene is he is HOT!angsting Duh.

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I…remember everything?!

The ring still fits and why are we cheated of the scene in real time he is wondering and reminiscing if this first kiss is true by his usual acting habit of letting his lips and tongue do their godgivenjob to a pillow at least!

It is when he is not as sure of himself that memories he has forgotten hit him, horrible of him when he has visual reminders of his precious cameras still on display.  They were more important to him than her, he made her feel so.   She was at his place that night and while it was a lovely sweet time for him remembering the good, the sight of this camera on his open shelf must have hurt…more so if she really did a mistake that night and slept with him, which he has taken as hints when she even entertained the doubt, just like her uttering hate and his name while sleeping was interpreted as she still has feelings savageable for him.
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I am pretty sure now if you ask me my favorite feature on Eric is his frown/forehead/eyes/nose/lips/neck/shoulders/thefrown/theeyes…

Sol, oh Sol.  She turned off her phone the entire day anticipating making her grand entrance, all pretty, at the schoolmate reunion that night after working up some interest from her justfrienddouche.   I do not think YR smells just roses about her gameplan but what is a bff if she is not totally supportive dolling Sol up for the best chance at happiness she wants?! (But it would be better you call/text and worry about how she is doing every step of way, on the ride back, just saying)

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Instead of dazzling the douche what he is missing, our girl occupies herself with gulping beer… he has brought along his new gf, they met at the training/orientation for his new job at the best company of Korea.  You could have told her, you know, even just as a friendly DOUCHE.
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Would’ve. Could’ve. Should’ve.  But she downs it instead.

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It is vandalism (and hihi Ahjusshi~~~!) but GOGIRL!  He is not man enough to tell you he has a gf, snapping you out of it way earlier, he will stay the wuss no uttering about a broken window even knowing fair well it is you with the stone taking the place of your shattered stoned heart.

Human Zipper lets out a cautionary warning his Bro needs to watch his step… in cheating.  Goodness gracious I can not.  If you are trying to keep this fr YR, be WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY smarter.  Be a decent cheater at the very least.  She is not even trying to be stalkerish, you know she is heading to your clinic and you are having a date with a girl you are deliberately keeping any intelligence from her, not answering her call is so very suspicious, within a pinging distance.  Terribly dumb on top of douchy and you are SURPRISED?!

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Sizing up her ‘competition’, and just a little nod why I like YR: she is not hiding from HJ, borrowing the bike is blatantly telling him what she is doing, checking out his kimbap girl in the open…if his brain is still inside his skull and not way down the anatomy to figure it out, that is.
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It is generous of her to give plastic barbie a compliment she is a nicer girl, but it is not true.  I think you are nicer, everything, truly.

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She is not even asking for a better explanation after getting her point so across she HATES gimbap and the girl and you going on a gimbap date with the girl, so many strikes all big nono she laid it out and you broke the trust, you lied and got caught the first time.  All you are offering is a kiss and cute face eating up the gimbap when she could have get to the bottom of seeing you with her eyes you did not answer her phone.  I would have gone berserk, but you are luckier.  She is letting you slide but you will be the ramyun next time and knowing you, I am looking forward to witnessing the snapping in half.

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TH has asked hyung to do a thorough investigation on Dad’s death and there is no record of the car accident Sol said in front of the pharmacy near YR’s old home.   Ahhh writernim, what is up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I do not know I sign up for Murder, She Wrote.   My faith in TH lies in he is such a perfectionist. He plays fair he could never intentionally cause harm on anyone not because he is sensitive/considerate/nice but he can not allow himself the flaw, he can not forgive himself.  He would have knelt and let her hit him or he would flagellate with all her woodwork tools nikkid if that can be used as an apology for his devastating neglect/mistake in the past.

He is manning up on all the selective memory lapses he has blocked out, now rushing back, all unsavory light on himself right away,he truly loved her Dad and it is hitting him hard.  There is no possible way he can forget such trauma of losing him as he has evidence from hyung the car accident did not happen any day that year.  He is confronting YR because his deduction brought him to the conclusion she kept it from him.
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She did not tell him straight up.  She could have, but she did not.  Instead she made calls after calls begging for him to be by her side, perhaps unable to utter the truth she was unable to accept…all the while she was at her Dad’s wake, the most awful terrible frightful lonely night we can piece together now for her to endure, the night after which she got herself so beyond drunk passed out spending the night at a park and took into the police station for trespassing… and they were still dating.  He knows not a thing about any of it.

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Eric and YooMi have upped their game again in perfect emoting bouncing off precisely all the messy knotted emotions as only this pairing can treat me. YR is showing TH a rolodex of her exact feeling he had inflicted on her meshing with what he is freshly stirring up as his every word hits her, unhinged. Her face softens to a tenderness, her unique innocent beauty he said she has lost… is on her face, like the best bianlian mask changing sichuan opera master just with nuances of her face, the regrettable longing of a love gone still vividly in her memory is the next flicker, and in a snap she takes it all back as her face freezes over with another of his words, not by manipulation but expressing the temperature of her heart as she reacts to him. She has not forgotten, I am sure now she can recall every drop of sweetness in their relationship as promptly, as vividly as TH is going through, but every drop revisited, she is hit with the bitterest, harrowing aftertaste of him stop loving her, the neglect, the root of all the hurt, insecurities, desperation and stress he has caused bound together with her Dad’s passing as well, his ‘loving‘ her because she has morphed by his rarer and rarer sweet nothings he still could show her till the end when she was pushed to a devastation, into a hopeless pathetic loser pushover she was hating herself and not seeing a way out, staying. Everything was spiraling into a negative vortex…let alone the blow he does not even care for her repeated pleas for him to be her lifesaver when she is drowning emotionally, not a care to let her break the hardest, saddest news to him her DearestDad she was so close with, begging her very busy bf to go fishing with, has gone forever.  She was pushed into a dark miserable corner where everything hurts just being with him.

It is easier said than done with all the what-ifs, the obvious one for TH is why she did not simply tell him Dad’s passin.  But for what?! It could finally be the trigger, his wakeup call he would have otherwise treated her differently?  Why should there be an otherwise?  Wasn’t her mustering up the shamelessness to call him, begging him for something they had own so naturally before, love. Why was it so hard for him to grasp she was in so much pain and grief just with the accumulation of her calls alone to badger just a bit of pity from him to be anxious, worry enough what was wrong with her and it was the death of her Daddy?  As if the mourning can be used as a fix, TH?!  And YR was so beyond insecure by then she could not trust TH to give her the love and support. No one could expect a guy ranting constantly the excuse he was so drown at work, but outrageously had an afternoon of leisure to painstakingly clean his precious cameras instead of showing up on a date with her friends two hours late and counting, a promise to her he did not truly forget, but must’ve weighed he had better things to do and things dearer to him like his camera he could not part to let his gf he has just hurt and snub to release some frustration.  I would not even imagine the hurt on top of her grief if he most probably would fail to be any comfort if she told him.  (Please can we get the swoony TH back he was meticulously cleaning his camera prepping for the trip later!?)

I can not begin to relive their last trip to JinJu, how she still braves it for him, just a month after the passing of her Dad because it was their anni and it is a rare nice treat from him she must be giving him the very last chance she kept giving him just to cherish her, keep her.  And… he poked fun at sleeping on that train ride just the other day.

Gawd i need to curl up and cry for YR. She was never going to tell him, keep the bothering he would not have an easy explanation, an easy way out to be at peace.  It must be a nice little revenge in the interviews he still did not know this crucial last straw instrumental in their breakup.

Even if the sky crashes down, she would not go back to him.  I do not appreciate the arm grab, TH, and it is not fetching what you are saying claiming as if you would wish her sky crashing down just so she would come back to you.   Bad choice of words even when that is a very effective face of pain, apologetic regret, of you writhing in your hell on earth.

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IF, if i dare myself to rewatch drama fr the beginning, i am sure there would be ugly crying for YR every scene i swooned prior with Eric/TH in it with this new piece of the puzzle discovered, and fangirling how strong HYR is I am ignorant to not give her much credit for.

One thought on “Discovery of Love 6

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