Did you just called me a b8tch?! < REAL title of the Ep.
…Not for him to have nor to hold.
*WARNING. I have rant to vent on the prejudice on HJ and YR, nasty on HJ, unpopular but no way biased on YR, skip this to just droolz on Eric and Yoomi caps. I have no time to edit my thoughts, nor words the pics r not loading on top of I have not fully grasped my train of thoughts on the episode…there is an Eric saying SWOONNNNNYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY things in candlelight!!!!!!!!!!!*
YR is a woman behaving badly, not according to what social norms dictate, for example having an emotional affair, calling off engagement to universal dreamboats *ROLLEYES*, and YR is hurting the 2 men she is involved with uncontrollably, she is aware. YR is fine with the 2 guys and 2 guys only calling her that or anything derogative but I am not. I’ve linked the definition I most agreed with in urbandict and I want to word every word of it:
A person , stereotypically is a woman – who allows their spur-of-the-moment negative emotional reactions to play far too large a role in their dealings with others.
The most recognizable characteristic of a bitch is a high volume of largely unmerited complaints about others. To qualify for bitchhood, these must be a conspicuously frequent feature of her conversation, and must strike most non-bitches as exaggerated if not completely unwarranted, at least occasionally to the point of making a big deal of things that strike most others as completely innocuous.
Note that a frank but perceptive critic of others is not thereby a bitch, even if completely lacking an internal censor. Bitches frequently think of themselves as such people, but in reality they have the frankness, but not the perceptiveness.
The bitch will often come across abrasive and unreasonable, except to authority figures who can benefit her. Most are narcissistic and/or hypocritical; favourite tactics include characterizing things as horrible moral wrongs which are unobjectionable save that they inconvenience him or her personally, and complaining that someone else has been rude to them, in terms that are vastly more rude than anything the complainee has actually done.
This is not the worst thing you can call someone, but it’s about the worst thing I would call anyone I might nevertheless be willing to voluntarily spend time around.
Does ANY of this apply to YR, ever?!?!?! My observation of YR is, she has her grumbles, her ‘grudges’ she bore within but they are understandable, and most importantly she is more guilty of keeping it to herself than not, but when she has a complaint she can not tolerate, she will speak up without overreacting, air it out and be done with it…unlike HJ. I want to NOT talk about HJ, it would put me in a very foul mood and I do not want to beat down on a miserable pitiable cute pup. I do not hate him but he is a flawed manchild that disappoints me…expectedly since he lacks the awareness and agency to grow. Well, I will dump it in one go and move on to where my heart’s at, the O!T!P!!!!
There is being a genuinely nice guy…. then there is trying. For someone lacking compassion, a sensitivity chip, can I buy him able to be sensitive and kind?!! I feel very little for HJ. Yes, you are lied to, and they were lovers, but they are all protecting you from the truth because you can not handle the truth that they WERE lovers. I can deal with him being hurt over the lies, but how he lashes out his hurt is very nasty, very uncomfortable for me to watch. He should reflect on that episode of how he lied to YR with AR, however innocent according to him, but it visibly devastated YR to tears and he left her cold, dry, hanging. Learn from YR how she handled your lie, your hurt instigated upon her, she forgave and trusted you with much less explanation and honesty from you on AR then. ( That was still the turning point for me never feeling much for NHJ because he is not worth my feels) For a more rational mind, whether they have dated or not should not be the real issue, the real threat is KTH is present and budging into YR and HJ’s life atvm and that was never kept from him, just his intuition of KTH’s plain words and actions. He is butthurt with or without the information because he is insecure, viewing himself as no match, threatened over nothing substantial in the beginning as YR is genuinely pushing TH away (of course now boat has sailed). It is hypocritical of him to ignore how his lies concerning AR hurts YR unnecessarily, it is merit of YR she figured out and trusted him that it did not cause a bigger crack in their relationship. I never felt HJ’s niceness is absolutely organic, spontaneous, he can be cute and charming but far from perfect. It is his free will to impersonate his vision of perfection. For every action, there is a reaction, but if his imperative is coercing for love back, and the is a discontent in almost being forced to be the nice guy, there is a fallacy of self-serving purpose. You can not use your past 99% (I’ll be lenient) of time being the perfect boyfriend to make it be known you are in your opinion, in an almost noble martyrdom, not truly willingly sacrificing but requiring repayments by unquestioning love and subservient obedience as if YR is a possession beneath you, and acting out menacingly when things do not go your way, most terrifying yet to instigate physical torture on the woman you are supposed to love SO MUCH, almost as atonement for your own hurt and insecurities, staking your authority over her being out of (your) line.
I do not care for HJ hollering at JH ordering him he MUST tell him everything about TH and YR’s past all along and not watching from the sideline… JH is a bystander, sideline is where he belongs. And his intention is putting your wellbeing first and foremost even when he has to be a lying liar pants on fire. I am not sure what I would do in JH’s shoes, there are pros and cons and JH is the ultimate judge of his own words and actions. JH has a very good read on HJ and YR, HJ is not as generous and forgiving as he aspires, YR handles stress in a relationship with an unforgiving imprudence HJ is still not aware the severity of. He thought he was the only saint letting things slide compromising in their relationship and know nothing of YR’s sacrifices, times when she put him above herself. HJ calms down giving it more thought with JH’s urgings, let bygones be bygones, but he can not understand why YR has a memory box of TH she is keeping and he is flipping mad.
Saturday morning, hyung is like the clingy cat in TH’s bed, resting after the hectic morning of cleaning up the mess of manpain. He is shoved up because Venomous President has work for him to gather all information on furniture conventions/competitions, prompted by YR’s wish of making her dreamchair. TH’s face lights up just with her work text asking him for more details on the furniture style they have decided on. Workaholics on a Saturday/O!T!P! united, KTH and HYR.
Sol voices her grumble on YR not coming home last night after confessing to her she is swaying for TH. YR taunts her what if she did sleep with him?! If her heart has shifted completely towards TH, not just wavering, why shouldn’t she leave HJ and be with TH, honest with her feelings and everyone involved?! YR stresses again she loves HJ and therefore she is staying with him, if she has stopped loving HJ, why should she stick around?! Sol should know YR is complicated because she stays true to her feelings and feelings can waver, flicker…her bff should embrace her for what she is, not fixating on judging her worst behavior possible,
I can’t say Sol is feeling any more at ease from YR’s frankness, but I am swooning for YR. In her hard place of containing her heart uncontrollably wavering towards TH and staying faithful to the comfortable, dependable romance she has with HJ, she has the wit acknowledging there is just so much she, any human being, can do, brave enough to admit if that is how her heart swings irrevocably, that is where she belongs. She heck cares about all the judging, it is her life and she is living it.
I hope some day, like a day like this, HJ will acknowledge JH is a very loyal friend that is always looking out for him, even when he can lie, it is out of concern to protect you and just give him a hug and kiss and a thank you.
TH is busily researching on chairs for YR as hyung reports on his progress: YR has won an international design award 6 years ago, hyung is impressed but it is a regrettable pity she did not continue pursuing the furniture artist route. TH tells hyung that is because the timing could not be worse, her father’s passing, their break up must have stressed her too thin and she quit her job at a prestigious design firm. Hyung projects from how volatile they are clashing they must be a bickering couple then, TH admits they fight all the time, both of them have a hot temper, selfish and uneasy to be with but they were oddly compatible.
The tension can be cut with a knife, HJ is obviously having a tantrum, YR reaches out for him asking for kimchi but he refuses to feed her so she feeds him kimchi instead. It reminds me of the dinner scene with Mom and PD ahjusshi, when you are in love, you can just put food on her spoon and watching her taking a bite will put a smile on your face uncontrollably…that must’ve been HJ all along until today.
HJ expresses his displease further cutting YR off mid chat, telling her to shut up and eat, hurrying her off to their date. I think YR has an intuition to pick out matching outfits with the guy on her mind. The scene is very beautiful to look at in caps… too beautiful it is disconcerting.
While she focuses on their date wholeheartedly, even being dragged hastily across town, HJ wallows in all the telling moments his instinct told him to be threatened by KTH, *oh! HJ did notice TH’s face in!) 1freshly pinching his ruffled nerves.
Both of them must’ve felt like a torturous eternity when they arrived at the concert.
And YR realizes:
Anyway, HJ is unseasonably odd, YR is too aware, dragging her in her uncomfortable heels and now calling the concert off. Obvious on the play of if the shoe does not fit, don’t wear it, yet YR decides on sucking it up and wears it, accepting the blame walking tall in her blistering feet.
HJ bluntly puts what is wrong on the table. YR knows she is being punished and decided to go along as he wished. HJ admits he deliberately torture her for hours knowingly *ARGH! such big turnoff, you are dead to me* but still stabbing her the self-centered YR would have whined and cried fake tears to get herself out of any disadvantage situation, strange she is so forbearing on pain inflicted on her. He goes on telling her he has seen the box and its contents, he knows of her history with KTH.
YR can only apologize relentlessly, HJ is not letting her off, biting full steam those are words coming out of her mouths too often lately after KTH is back in her life. Instead of saying she is sorry, the appropriate response according to NHJ is for her to be proactive, convincing him they will stick through this rough patch. YR does as he says, repeating his words, she would quit working with TH as soon as the project ends.
YR is not getting a break at work, on the contrary, TH pushes her further to stop regurgitating her old ideas, come up with something innovative and HYR. It is actually his roundabout way of anintervention, she, as a barely keeping afloat businesswoman with her workshop, should leave the worry to him, the successful president of his construction firm with budget to spare and stick with their contract of putting out her most excellent work which she should be the best judge of. The wine bar project was a success not because things fall in place by her initiative, it was wrung out of her being pushed by his harsh criticisms. He is repeating the tactics for her good.
YR answers HJ’s call thinking he is TH, she tries to conscientiously back track, but is it very testy when she is overworked and focusing on her work and he is understandably not in the mood to comfort her. He still says I love you, frustrating himself further because for the first time, he does not mean it. He is finally on the same page as YR, who is pondering what dreadful chapter they have to slough through, in their romance?!
After appreciating her work in secret with all the tenderness and love, TH takes YR out for a quick bite unceremoniously, he plays it down remembering she likes her sandwich without olives. But there is cause for celebration, it is TH’s birthday, YR takes a look at the date on her phone and remembers instantaneously, like every year. He has said one must share a meal with people dear to them on their birthday, and at a fast food chain, he is doing just that.
Since we are near the end, it actually frustrates me to no end how stagnant the secondary OTP is developing. I feel like writer-nim is suggesting more innuendo but the green young things just can not deliver anything beyond face value. Woe is me orphan princess whines about the scar is off too easy, she must wants it to be charming prince charming/daddy long legs dramatic, whatever. NHJ, either you grab her hand as a caring bigbro, or stop the grinning like a loon whenever in front of AR totally. I am also rubbed wrong the surgery is another coercion of more atoning HJ’s guilt than what truly AR needs.
There is a birthday celebration with cake and the obligatory cream on bday boy’s face. This bday hottie only has smiles and twinkling eyes at one woman and this is not even his celebration, the cake is for another minion, nobody is aware it is VenomousBoss’ big day too. YR learns from hyung TH never celebrates his bday, Needless to say, it must be the trauma his happiest memorable last birthdays were all celebrated with YR and he has lost his source of happiness without her.
We have HJ popping painkillers so often in the ep I am starting to fear of brain cancer. Do not Bali me writernim, M’KAY?!!?! Yeah, it is predictable she is the easy cure of his troubling headache (my bet is on the double entendre) with the sound therapy of the chirping crickets at the orphanage, their home.
I kind of want her to declare her love for him and giving him an easy way out of his funk. NHJ is desperate and needy in love to cover up his insecurities, I do pity him and I do not see him struggling extensively to move on with AR. His love for YR is intense but never deeply rooted, I know it’s too neat, tied with a ribbon a coda, but lets just hammer in the first love is owning and be done with them.
As YR and TH are rounding up the day, the project is coming to a closure, TH hands her his recommendations on the field of artistic furniture, her forte, the dream he knows she has kept in limbo after her Father’s death.
He is doing this because there is not much he can do for her, he has missed his timing, his chance, regretting not treating her better, not understanding her, not loving her as he should when they were in love.
I see a hint of deliberation sparkling transiently in YR’s eyes as she leaves the room. It was not one or two passing snaps of TH he happens to take the clue and bumps into, it was a series of him backlit by the light behind, must be as gorgeous to her as the day she met him, she has a photographic, perhaps her only eidetic memory in her head now captured physically in her camera. TH is understandably intrigued, knots and twists the monarch butterflies inside.
Pleasant surprises come in hordes. She remembers his birthday, AND she is celebrating with him.
6 years ago the same day, all his birthday wishes, and he is greedy, were all dedicated to HYR: earning more money to help her out with startiing her studio, wishing she would win the competition which YR promised him she would and she did. These were two young people building a bright future together, TH was movingly asking for YR’s hand to have and to hold even without a perfectly cut diamond ring in the standard robin blue box, spelling it out the exact words but all his wishes were for her, she was more important than KTH was to KTH, she is his everything.
She is no longer hiding behind the mask she does not remember their sweetest memory. With her handmic, just like six years ago, she asks him to speak out his birthday wish.
I am not sure if YR is pining for TH to speak up again of his genuine feelings for her by probing him with all the triggers. She is bravely saying to TH she is moved and swayed. A few short weeks ago, this is the KTH who was cursing for her sky to fall so she would definitely come back to him as he was madly pining for. The KTH who wishes her well, genuinely, shaking her feelings to resurface by avoiding her, staying out of her life because of love and now even progressing further with his love for her, this is the KTH who is putting action on his words powerfully, effective encouraging her to strive for a dream she has herself put aside gathering dust. He is wishing her well, better than she can even dream of. He is simply telling her to be HYR, not harping derisive commands on how she should properly align herself to another person. KTH is encouraging her to be herself, the best of HYR, when her self-worth is at its lowest taking hit after hit for the uncontrollable feelings of her heart she keeps trying and trying at wretchedly to contain, hurting HJ beyond repair which she can do nothing, do not have the desire and leisure in her heart to mend much than wordlessly, repeating like a metronome the same words of I am sorry, taking in his onslaught of abusive revenge, none of it is telling her she is worthy to be herself staying in a relationship with HJ. On his birthday, what is HYR to lose to show him she cares about him, her genuine feelings, and an opening for him to release, if it would just be a moment of sweet reprieve for both of them?!
I think YR is also, perhaps shamelessly going with her heart longing for a simple I love you from KTH, she can not fight the urge to want to hear it, sweet words she desperately wants to escape in, and she has set her mind to acknowledge her feelings for him but no, she will not leave her fiance, knowing if she said it out loud again, having absolute faith TH will stop further tempting her to wavering even if his intention is all noble…because YR is at her weakest, her last straw of strength fighting against her will to stay with HJ.
But he is KTH, he has so much more in store for HYR even though she knows his exact feelings before he even speaks the words. KTH wants to be HYR. He has enough of his intuition, as accurate his read he knows, it is still a guess and he can not be sure how much his wishful thinking is influencing his judgment being too involved, he wants to read her surely as herself, without her perfect game of mental hide and seek.
I want to know why you waited for me, why you cried, why you have pictures of me in your camera…
YR will never tell when her mind is firm on censoring the feelings of her heart, he wants to feel YR’s heart as a first person, how she is uncontrollable thumping for him.
I still love you, I still want you, I still can not send you off to someone else… take one step further as I am doing…
*sorry dear OP fr tumblr, I forgot to jolt down the source to properly credit you…*
Stay with me.
But she can’t. Just on her Father alone, she can not get back with KTH. She was still wishing futilely to lean on KTH for strength to do the right thing, speak of the feelings of their hearts out in the open for once and leave it as is…if she has to speak out about her Father as the ultimate reason to push him away, she is desperately grasping for the last shred of honor, decency, duty of a good woman imposed on her…because no girl is missing what KTH/Eric is suggesting, she knows she will be too weak and they would ML that night and all hells break lose, talking about a real pandora’s box unleashed.
On his birthday, in plain view of both of them, their raw feelings put in words, in actions, desperately palpable, YR still walks away from him.
…but she can just make herself walk away from him for steps before crumbling. In her mind, she is willing TH to grab her, hold her, if he did, like HJ did that night, she would have gone away with him to ends of the world. She would, there is no otherwise, she has no strength to distant herself fr TH further…
She is curled up bawling in fetal position, have some compassion, NHJ, you seems to have forgotten she is a person with her own mind and feelings and someone you proclaimed to love so much and never to be in any discussion of breaking up. It is at these harshest moment when his ego is threatened, when things are fraying and imperfect he can not shove it under the rug NHJ is at his most hurtful and revolting. In her tremendous distraught, her fiance is barking at her to drive herself back home so he can obviously leech out his anger on the person she was going to escape the dreary of THIS reality with giving up decency of doing the right thing she tried so hard to upkeep, in hope of a happiness so attractive even if it will crash and burn again…. to spend a lifetime with, with KTH. YR is almost pleading HJ to stop his rage and take a care of her. Just a care, but HJ is in over his self-serving head.
If I were in KTH shoes, I would not be so coolbeans witnessing HJ barking at YR, it must be slicing my heart open in rage I would need to hit the jerk right there, even if I should know as TH he has no place to. He still honors YR’s choice.
But when man to man TH brings in his potent ruthlessness. YR has expressed willingly and unwillingly her wavering for him, so strong she has to beg him to stop tempting her when she just made a gigantic leap of faith, agreeing to marry this guy who knows nothing about HYR to be remotely good for her. TH must have tried to silenced his biased disgust with HJ, but he has fuel from YR’s feelings for him he is a viable opponent. Even if YR refuses to come back to him, this guy won’t do, as he always said from ep1, and really his intuition has been spot on.
I thought HJ will be more menacing, threatening as what he can dump on YR earlier on is any hint but it is the same old wimpy stay away from her, she’s my possession, I will make her quit and out of your life. Like a chihuahua biting at a lion, scratching his itch, not even.
With one sweep of his words, TH knocks HJ out. It is more than a taunt, it is brutal truth of NHJ’s insecurities towards YR, his inability to make her love him more than herself that prompts all this controlling posing. Instead of reaching for YR, knowing her as a woman, a person, her dreams and desires, what she has given NHJ, the extend she is sacrificing (eg KTH) so as to read her for her real needs and desires, NHJ is just imposing his ideology on NYR, content with her staying with him betting on she only needs someone to settle with stability and security and loving her, live a living with, without any desire finding out what inspires HYR to dream as an individual.
As much as he is telling HJ his deplorable inadequacies to be a part of YR’s life, her happiness, I don’t think HJ is missing the nudge TH is staking he is everything he can’t…and asking for a good beating, hoping the physical pain can mask up the emotional torture eating him alive inside.
I find the ahjumma too much driving in the point they are fighting for one woman and love is not worth it blablabla. It is a good stab though for a president of a construction firm to break furniture in her shop and for a plastic surgeon to beat the crap maiming pretty faces.
^ That is not the look of a concerned fiancee. Deflated, disappointed, not a bright, hopeful disposition it is suggesting.
I love this serenity running over YR when her lovely mind has done all the work and made a realization, a decision she is relieved and proud of: This is it. This is her bottom, the bottomline NHJ has crossed for her to stop loving him and she will sternly walk away and be damned than be the perpetrator of more pain, more hurt on NHJ…and on KTH…and on herself. This clarity, this calmness taking over her, giving her almost a relieved smile on her face is rewarding, if this is the worst she will feel breaking up with NHJ, it is not worth her staying.
True to character, NHJ is not taking it well, the last thing for an independent woman, who used to run on nothing but her free spirit is for someone to patronize her further this very moment, shoving the ring back in her hand, imposing his reaction of her decision is worthless because this can not be their end, he won’t allow it. blablabla, it frustrates me too much to rewatch his tirade.
NHJ asks what he would regret, how she can be so sure about what she knows of love, she can…
because of KTH
She is looking straight at his eyes, nothing to hide. He wants every piece of truth in her mind, her heart, why she is crying, things he can not understand, serving NHJ what he is asking for. She knows of love because of KTH, she is crying because of KTH. You, are not KTH.
As she walks by JH, he calls her a bitch ( bad woman in Csub, but I’ve checked several Esub outlets and they all use the b-word)…really?! Argh. I hate a guy bff calling a woman that and mean it under ANY circumstances. *cringecringecringe*
Pain, they all have it. The manliest of them all, HYR, manning up to the pain she has inflicted on others, taking whatever punishment, insults they deemed necessary, head up, spine straight, conscience clear.
I LOVE spending time with YR, authentic and unique an individual, she deserves to be treated as a human being first, before a drama protagonist, to twist Sol’s quote. I love writer is giving her a chance to voice the prejudice against her breaking the 4th wall. Who can call her a b*tch really?! Her dilemmas are raw and real even if it does not happen often to everyone of us, her trials and tribulations, always intriguing and exciting to mine. The character is written with the utmost priority of portraying her with thoughts and opinions of her own, uniquely from an individual with her own coloring, Han YeoReum, a young woman trying to navigate life applying all the lessons from experiences she has painfully learned, superlative in dictating her mind, stifling the free-spirited impetuous soul she always is. She is in a damned if she does, damned if she doesn’t nook when a mass of viewing audience is involved. A drama experience is hard to immerse into if we do not insert ourselves in the character’s shoes somehow. When I ask myself what would I do in YR’s shoes, vying all ‘options’ I always think her choice are sensible, considerate and…moral. On one hand we like the fantasy of our drama heroine to follow her heart oh so fantastically romantic!; yet otoh we put her through the strict drama character ethics as a bystander because we are forcing her to be the projection of our collective stifling social mores. YR is in love with HJ with all her sensibilities, in love with TH in her senses, her acquired programming in her 20s that can not be undone. If she just follows her heart, she will be going back and forth between the 2 guys and be just as obviously a ‘badder’ woman, unable to give up either one of them, a tug of war between sense and sensibilities we all are fighting constantly large or small. Instead YR outwit most of us, she sets herself a boundary never to be crossed: to be faithful and committed to the relationship with HJ, but she allows herself in the privacy of her inner self the freedom of her heart which she is not going to follow blindly. Let me digress with a scenario: a mother of a still missing child with years passed without closure (her relationship with TH), she has learned to live life without the child physically, but everyday is braving through numerous memory triggers she can only put up with. She has mourned the lost of the child physically, stilled her heart but she will never negate the child (the love) is still alive, unattainable. YR’s relationship with HJ is the living child she tries to love the best she can and she does, but she has secret sanctuary in her heart warded off from him she is keeping her missing child alive. Now that the missing child is found, can we ask her to make a choice on the spot to abandon any of her children now whining for her undulated love?!
We always say hey I like the heroine, flaws and all and since we are close to the penultimate episode (what an emotional owning me ride I do not want to end but kinda want my life back), let me put it out there: I do not see flaws, faulty faulty flaws in YR at all. Lets start with the pandora’s box. HJ had a raging confrontation with JH about all of them lying to him. It is easy and understandable to be on the accusatory for HJ, but after spending 14 eps with him, at e8 our hunch is he has a controlling violent streak hidden within. He has a volatile irrational temper like a dormant volcano and when his fuse is off, it’s stubbornly uncontrollable. Worse yet he is not aware of this flaw, sanctimoniously basking in his own perfect nice guy glory but nothing (nothing except romance dept) misses JH. NHJ lacks problem solving social skills, he decides secularly what is best for others around him and that includes AR as well, where he would passive aggressively let you slide and compromise but fuss about it to no end inside till he can not hold it in. He has never truly let anyone in, not a fault of his because he has to hide a big secret within, building walls around it against his will, but that is why he sees no need to know YR better in the 1 yr and 4 months they have dated to the stage of proposing. Not saying there needs to be strict standards, but if you are aware you do not know her as much as you should but you love her so much you can deal with it, then DEAL WITH IT. The woman you are in love with atvm is a 32 year old YR, whether she has 12 KTHs in her life prior (geez how many milky ways with pups and unicorns does one have to safe in each past lifetime to earn that karma?!) , it is not altering the fact she loves you as much as she can and promises her hand to marry you. I do not see why YR can not keep that memento box even if deliberately (and it’s more she can not bear to get rid of it, it has crossed her mind, we know). It is 5 years of precious memories of her life, it is HER choice what she wants to do with her memories, and memory, by definition means it happened in the past, it is stored in our mind and retrievable anyway. Breaking up is a form of grieving and is there a strict rule we have to throw every keepsake of our dearly departed once they are physically gone in our lives?! Whether she burnt the box would not directly correlate her wiping memories of KTH. KTH is her ex, she can choose to carry on a relationship with him, treating him as any other human being across the street if she wants to, or not. Her choice, not NHJ’s, because KTH is her ex, not his. He does not own EVERYTHING that belongs to YR. You just do not own and dictate another person’s life, no matter if she is your wife, or your children. It is her past life, we are only 20sth once, and NHJ you are not in it, woe is you, but you could’ve had the chance of a life with her as you wanted from her 30s on and you lost it because you are so insecure and jealous and greedy of what you can never have and should have been contented with what you have, IF you truly love YR as is and at the capacity you are putting forth.
The fact that she is emotionally wavering, I can not fault her, especially when we really spent more than half of the drama with her directly, blatantly ruthlessly pushing him away…and she got flack/called a B for that as well. Is it an emotional affair?! What if her feelings for KTH has stayed exactly constant at a plateau, and the wavering is just her inability to control the exact infatuation from precipitating?! What if YR and HJ has never had an emotional soulful bonding because that emotional attachment has never left KTH in her heart?! Does it really CREATE new distance in the committed relationship between YR and HJ?! I do not think so. Now we know KTH will always reside in her heart, but it is not known to HJ. If she is determined to do nothing about her feelings within, which she has been living with, taken over by last 5 years with or without HJ, again, it is strictly YR’s decision, and IF there is a decision to be made, it incurs there are choices, options, either ways. I have yet to be given an absolute rationale she MUST tell HJ the ‘truth’ and involve him in her past she has not sorted out enough to process herself. Let me be very silly, if HB is going to run to me like I am running to him in my dreams and kiss me, I would NOT let him go, would squeal out loud I love him till death do us part blablabla that very nevergonnahappen moment, but that does not alter my love for my significant other. Do I have to tell my husband the ‘truth’ I am going to kiss and fall in mad love with HB just for that instant with fatchance so fking slim just to be utterly honest?! OK I just told him, but thank goodness he is not NHJ. NHJ, TRUST her, at least have faith in her, a 30sth woman surviving in a conservative Asian society, to put a lot of weight and thought into the sanctity marriage. Do not trivialize how brave and difficult the decision is for any woman (and man) the older we get to commit, let alone the KTH factor unbeknownst to you. She cried at your hallway and the obvious conclusion is she regrets terribly losing you, now I wonder if there is a dark place in you doubting those are crocodile tears of manipulation.
Let me rant about the negative connotation labeling YR as manipulative towards HJ. Yes, YR has control over HJ when things are dandy BECAUSE he let her, very aware and said it out loud. She has the ability to influence his behavior, emotions and actions…but isn’t that a definition of falling madly in love when that someone has the ability to influence your everything!? Moreover YR’s ability to influence HJ is very limited because he never truly wholeheartedly wants to compromise, lest we forget how he ignores her feelings whatsoever with AR. HJ has been passively accusing YR she controls him into always be the one saying sorry first, saying I love you first, but that was just his guess of what YR needs to love him, again his inferior complex at work. YR does exercise her control, her ability over him so things can go in her favor…but what is to her favor?! They stay in love as long as they can, that is, exactly what HJ wants. I naively still have faith love is when we never thought of using a scale to weigh and note every sacrifice as IOUs, there is an insatiable desire to put the one you love above your own and you act with abandon without calculations. This is mutually to his favor as well. YR is understandably once bitten twice shy in love, she is insecure and apprehensive, if she finds a way to maintain their relationship by him easing her insecurities, which in effect eases HIS insecurities as well, put a judging label all we can, YR will shrug it off.
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