Discovery of Love 15 Infused with WKW

***I HAVE NOT SEEN 16.  PLEASE DO NOT SPOIL ME IN ANYWAY! ***

Tears of happiness, tears of sadness, the cosmic balance of memories.

 


No matter how much time passes, she’s still the only one for me. After breaking up with her, even if I meet someone else and find another love. That special one never becomes one of many people. Because there is only one of her. That’s Han Yeo Reum.

He runs on an emotional internal time where his memory of HYR is plunged in tears to eternity.

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If you tell this man to board a fantasy train to the dystopian future in finite number of years, 2046, 2054… a promise of meeting his love there, where nothing changes, memories, her, their promises, their love in his memory, oblivious to the passage of time…

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….and he would board the train himself,  he would take his love his memory of her with him….right there waiting, feelings never changing, but remove from her.  His own to have and to hold.  Better than her not even able to look into his eyes for fear he reads her heart too much.  He knows everything, all the possibilities of multiple choices in her mind playing in his head constantly she is at lost choosing, so much fear another look at him pouring love at her, her knees would give in, she would cry emotionally, hopelessly in front of him, because of him, because of uncontrollably loving him against her wish, her years of determination, for the third time.

Su LiZhen, in Days of Being Wild, the young innocent girl, falling in love with a guy at first sight, in a minute, replayed, lasting a lifetime.  I always thought one minute flies by. But sometimes it really lingers on…now I …tell myself that I have to forget this man starting this very minute.

Last 5 years, that was what Han Yeoreum told herself.  In an instant, he creeps back into her life.  It is good to see him again, she tells him later on, KTH is better, irresistible.  She can only evade his eyes.

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Look at me.

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When she can not cast her head down avoiding, hurting him with her guilt, her eyes are filled with her conscience:

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His hand, she remembers.  The instant they touched and they connected, like the tree, the wood, the hand of KTH she shook when they met when she fell in love, boarded the train and never came back.  Now she wonders how long it takes for him to stop loving her, can a touch reverse and no harm done?!
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They are on a different course all along, the ride they share is at the end he is refusing to leave, holding her, her unresponsive hand captive.

HYR needs DJH, the rational voice of a bystander, her protective oppa,  ranting out the black and white, right and wrong she knows very well.
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NHJ outside, waiting for her, begging with his physical presence, willing to ‘let her slide’ again after his aggressive outburst at KTH, he says he wants to understand her but can’t, the truth is to be spoken to herself with uncanny clarity, it is KTH.  But KTH in her memory is also pain, is also hurt, is utter devastation, is losing herself, her dream, associated with the grief of losing her Dad.  She is swaying, shaking, wavering, falling because he is KTH, because of her memory of KTH…yet because he is KTH, it can not be, the pandora’s box, the memory of him is the irresistible temptation to the hell she had with KTH she knows she no longer has any self-control from, she knows all along, playing the scene when they met again, aware her heart will still flutter for him, but 5 years is a long time of gutwrenching work, determined to let go.

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And YR needs Sol, her bff who is sticking with her on her sinking ship of badwomanhood.     The world, the rational mind can judge what HYR thinks or does, Sol will stand by YR with whatever YR wants.

Most of all, YR needs her Mom for the emotional steering.  It is only now I realize I love YR because of her Mom.   We are subjected to constant prejudices and judgments, social norms and above all a stricter sets of ethics and morality for woman, yet even if we try the best we can at the balancing act of all the elements with our heart, our wants and desires to stay afloat as a ‘good’ modern woman, nothing is in our absolute control.  Why not take the priority of taking the best care, be the most honest to the person dearest to you…yourself as Mom has been instilling in YR.  Even as the child of her Mom and her Dad, HYR will always be HYR first and foremost, making her own decisions with a HYR clarity, sticking by her choices, acting according to a moral standard she always adhere by.  With that instilled in her daughter, even when she admits to just being a good mom on one account, letting YR follows her heart, never imposing her any set rules or boundaries….what is there to lose when HYR can be the staunch stalwart of her own happiness, standing firm on her own even when she has a neglectful Mom?!   The naysayers of HYR is basically patronizing Mom how to raise her child to be one of a billions in the milieu, losing touch with her heart…the heart that knows the best what happiness is for HYR, the heart that when there is an intimacy with the mind, can be powerful in noticing what is going on in the heart of others.
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Finally in such simple succinct questions from a daughter, my fav scene of the episode is made.  There is very little Mom Daughter interaction to build up a rapport but whatever we have had, it’s so believable, and knowing them much more with so little, so effectively.  HR is asking her Mother who knows what is the best for her daughter, better than she does.  YR opens up to Mom about Dad by asking if Mom knows Dad so well is YR more taken after Dad, living his life committed to the marriage and duty and taking his life following his heart with his true love whom we can assume killed herself unable to live with loving a person she could not have.  Mom could never understand Dad nor tried to, her only pondering on Dad is why he stayed when his pursuit of happiness is elsewhere, when our first and most important duty to life, to ourselves is to be happy.  Holding YR’s hand firmly, soothing her nerves with both her hands, Mom encourages YR what she has instilled in her, her only worth as a mother… be happy, whatever choice it takes baby, be happy.

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KTH is doing what Mom’s preaching, making YR happy…be it sending her off with his swooning longing eyes to dinner with HJ, giving Sol all the research on viable options for YR to enter into International competitions, fulfilling the dream she had.

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As she deletes the visual of him in her camera, she replays the memory of him giving her the keys to his company’s workshop for her to pursue her dream entering into the competition she was planning to.  She let her heart took full control, but when it shut off, her dream died along.  The fond memory, the dream reignited, is what is fueling her content, with KTH in the memory and without KTH in her life now.

They…do not blink, but their eyes quiver so slightly I do not know what bizarre muscle control it is, reining in the emotions so very good now, it only skims the surface like a tiny pebble on calm waters, a slight shaky flicker of the lids that can not be voluntary, a barely there tightening of the lips, tinier than a nuance, an aperture, a figment, a swerve, her head determined not to look up, miniscule fractions of seconds of fraying, an eternity of stoicness, overcome by the evocative moments never unnoticed by KTH brimming her emotions for her… but she has taken in everything she can of him when unnoticed,  her gaze never leaves his back before he turns around facing her, their proper farewell.
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Whatever she wants, her decision to never see each other again, a hand shake, a forever farewell, he has no regrets, he has loved her with everything he’s got.

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New memories formed, old memories revisited.  He has no regrets.   He has learned how to love HYR, properly, unconditionally, unrequitedly love the one and only woman he wants in his life, when she should not.
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Mrs. Chan Su LiZhen, in In the Mood for Love, in the mood for love with a guy, Mr. Chow, the older and wiser doppelgänger of her first love, wild, lost in the jungles of youth… knowing well what caving into a minute of emotional rapture can damage for life.

You notice things if you pay attention.   –In the Mood for Love

It is a restless moment.
She has kept her head lowered,
to give him a chance to come closer.
But he could not….
She turns and walks away.

That era has passed.
Nothing that belonged to it exists any more.

He remembers those vanished years.
As though looking through a dusty window pane,
the past is something he could see, but not touch.
And everything he sees is blurred and indistinct.

—Chow Mo Wan, In the Mood for Love

They properly farewell reminisce of how they met 10 years ago, as if reversing the handshake, with him initiating instead, rewinding the tactile memory recording the touch of falling in love.  Years later, YR felt  a connection with another guy, perhaps his hands holding hers felt like the guy she fell in love with, so randomly, so unforgettably, on a train ride.

cr:

Take care. Maybe one day you’ll escape your past. If you do, look for me.

— Chow Mo Wan, 2046

The Black Spider, the hustler with her own stacks of cards in love, lucking out on the black ace, twice.   In the enigmatic qipaos as the Su LiZhen of his past, he will hold onto till 2046, she is no longer the LiZhen she was yet she can not escape her past.  She is Su LiZhen.

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.…I should give her a passionate long kiss, but I do not know how long it should be.  We did it for so long that we ran out of film.

-Mr. Tony Leung, star of Mr Chow Mo Wan, 2004.

Briefly holding her head up, barely feeling, avoiding the touch of her face, her skin, holding her hand in a handshake to eternity he hopes, she is not hoping it will end…I wonder, and I hope KTH flips several times in his head what if he kisses his Su LiZhen like her Chow Mo Wan, so long, so passionate they run out of film, of time to bid goodbye.

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Prompted by AR’s farewell letter, another confession she made in his place he is not brave enough, another good bye he is too weak to face, HJ decides he should let YR go with a proper break up instead of dragging this out, dragging her pain when her heart no longer belongs.
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She wondered when he was persistent and ignorant, hopeful of her changed heart, wishfully thinking that was the worst they would suffer in the many days ahead…when now they can not afford another day together, YR hurting him, living in the guilt, suffering herself within.
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Just as they fell in love over a passionate kiss, they say goodbye with tightening the embrace, feeling the comfort the warmth of the other for the last time, no introspection, no insight, their relationship could have been simple, comfortable, easy…but train is set to move on.  Writer nim lets us in on the peek of the script,

these three did not sleep that night…will they ever love again?!

 

At first glance this is an episode of reinstatement, revisiting…regurgitating, but with a rewatch this feels so lived in  Nothing is left unsaid, no stones unturned, but how does life continues?!  How do you move on after calling it quits?!  It just does.  A handshake, a determined evasion, a most earnest last embrace, closures with no regrets.   And we move on, fresh start at EP 16!!!!!  *SOBZ*

PS:  It is a given I am soooooooooooo flailing for Eric,  I think he is doing a forever improving job in 15 with less explosively charged scenes but he packs his own arsenal making me cry before KTH even lets a tear drop.  What is going on with me?!  (LOVE, duh) I am not worthy witnessing this revelation.

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13 thoughts on “Discovery of Love 15 Infused with WKW

  1. I was blasted by this ep. Eric and Jung Yu-Mi are amazing.
    I loved too the interaction betweem Yeo Rim and her mum. And I just realized her dad died because he didn’t follow his heart… which she was trying to do when she wanted to marry Nam Ha-Jin. A guy who didn’t have any interest in her passion for wood and furniture (cannot understand how you want to spend your life with someone when you don’t share a bit of their interests…)
    I was starting to feel dislike for Nam Ha Jin… The fake gentle guy who knows pretty well how to impose himself. But then, he understood and let go… There’s hope for the guy.
    Kang Tae Ha… You sinned five years ago (pretty badly! that was horrible!), were crucified today, are you going to resurect tomorrow?
    I hope Yeo Rim will find peace and love again. She deserves it.

    1. (and about 15: Sigh. SIGH. It was so… complete and well-tied, but not finished. Or I don’t know, I need to chew on this a bit more probably – wasn’t my instant fave episode upon first watch, but if I end up re-watching later I will probably come to appreciate the closure in greater detail)

  2. Gosh, this is that ‘type’ of ep. The one that gets you slowly, belatedly…without you realising…

    I understand YR’s choice. At this point, it would have been easy for her to choose TH because you can just see the amount of effort (and genuine care for her happiness) that he has put in for her just because he does truly wish her well. That he still loves her. But when you think about really making that move, you are then not so sure again, not about the relationship/ whether his love is genuine or not as such, but whether the things that they have gone through will seep through, in silent moments, will the hatred/ hurt resurface… Being over 30, there is just more bigger-picture-down-the-road-could-this-really-be-the-wisest-decision? thinking that naturally becomes the driving force of not survival, but the mechanism unknowingly employed to ensure that we experience calmer, steadier days, because it’s just that stage…that period in a person’s life where they want someone that certain boring stability that in truth isn’t boring at all- a comfy reassuring spot. Just because there’s love, doesn’t mean it will work…

    I absolutely LOVED the line I have done absolutely everything I could (loved her) -no regrets pretty much. The writer is good and the director is good and Eric is good for being able to convey that effortlessly. There’s pain, but this farewell means that he could sleep I think. Yes he will miss her, but he will be able to sleep. It’s not an all self-serving crusade for him to redeem himself so he can feel better about the past& get back his love, instead he has learnt a lot about the person he loved/s, the person he was, and now he has really grasped what it really means to love someone. He has become strong, because he was able to love earnestly, with all that he had. And for that he can thank YR, and the influence she has had in his life up until this point.

    I was not sad while watching this ep. But then, after a while, I seriously felt like there was a big lump in my throat after reflecting, reading this post and listening to the beautiful OST I miss you as preparation for my closure to this very beautiful yet realistic outlook on love, and experience that we have been lucky to indulge in, credits to the writer and the actors’ performances. This is ep was downright tragic in the most understated/real life way!<— which makes it all the more heartbreaking. No dramatic lines wishing each other happiness and whatnot, just thanks, and goodbye.

    JYM is crazy good. She should really get as many projects as she can. I wanna see her in a movie! One where she's fighting for something-no romance involved!

    1. Chingu! This is so lovely to read, thank you for putting my feelings better!

      The most scary part rekindling a relationship is the revisiting of the traumas… esp in their case when it was worse being deliberate but a natural course of a relationship, the inertia, lethergy… resulting in neglect and hurt. As fluttering as the heart in, as many sweet memories revisited, the horrible experience with this person can creep back and too aware there is guarantee it is probably going to happen more than not, and perhaps worse.

      The finale was neat and tad too tidy, odds and ends skimmed upon, editing/transitions can be better. YR is a bit too unbelievably optimistic what time apart can change but Eric anf YuMi savaged it to swoonworthy awesome. Did u like it?! I did, shortcomings and all.

  3. Hay Mookie!

    Yeah I agree that part is the saddest…just the natural course of a relationship when you’re comfortable and tired…know the person too well already…the gradual neglect. Ahhh too sad. This drama captured the breakdown of what was, a solid and sweet relationship extremely well.

    I haven’t watched 16 yet because my laptop was being weird when I tried and now I have to plan for my new job lol but will be checking it out this weekend! ( I will be watching the final ep of PoH too lol)

  4. I liked it:) I mean there were a few too many HJ scenes, but overall, it wasn’t an ending that I hated.

    The final scene where they were both laughing and asking each other what was so funny was so natural. They really do seem like a real couple.

    Now we’ll just have to wait for the next exciting project that K-land has to offer…~

    1. Lol Chingu, rem the days when u were head o’ heels w NHJ?! 😉

      Exactly my feels even after it sat a few weeks. A bit too neat, too easy…etcetc but doesn’t diminish the fact i liked it, still shoujoing about that easiest effortless chemistry/kiss of Eric+Yumi.

  5. Oooooh Mookie! How smug of you!!!hahaha Ok, ok I admit I was wrong and take everything back about HJ! LOL

    I can’t believe Yumi’s in the type of movie I’m wanting to see her in. Just plain weird. I’m not sure if I will check it out though because I haven’t been impressed with the movies I’ve seen lately.

    However I just wanted to that thanks 2 u, I have returned to watching a j drama which I haven’t done in what feels like dinosaur years because of my tiring new job!!! I love Ayase and am really enjoying her new drama atm! (only seen 2 eps though so it could go downhill!)

    Anywayyy, hope all is well with you:)

    1. What Yumi movie(s) is/r perking your interest?! ^^

      Hugsssss on the new job! Tiring but new challenges are always exciting! Are you watching Misaeng perchance?! I have just started 2 episodes, totally enthralling got me line, hook, sinker. Lovely perfect nuanced Kdrama about ordinary office peeps, everything about it is just leaving me wordless speechless in how awesome yet everything is grounded right, what are the odds we have sucha thing in kdramaland?!?!

      I am also still watching and enjoying Ayase very much, it is a nothing hurts kinda deal with little cute touches that are not worth me squealing in swoons but making me smile a little a dorama for some TLC. I am just a sucker with a doggie with character in my doramas. This strangely brings me back the fondness of a lesser, sillier, shoujo form of Kekkon Dekinai Otoko

      me ok, just hectic RL wise with some big decisions I have to think over hard. Nth too serious either way just choiceschoiceschoices and responsibilities being an adult sth like that hahaha

  6. I actually don’t know what her new movie is called. I think its in production at the moment. But it’s something action-y or thriller-isn I think!

    Thanks for the congrats!! *Hugs back* the job’s so tiring I end up using most of my pay buying anti-wrinkle products and face mists LOL

    Ooooooh I will need to check it out when I have the time. If you are going to go that far, it means only one thing- I will have to join ya!!

    Ayase is so loveable in her roles! Ep 4 was kinda boring though…wondering if the quirky humour will be completely dropped by ep 5. Still I am forever a fan of hers!
    hahaha being an adult eh?? I think it’s great that you have a lot of choices to make! It means there are a lot of things happening in your life and it’ll help keep you occupied so you can appreciate the free time more once you have it:)

    1. Gf, hugs sorry for the late chat bk, packing half the house is so not fun…

      I actually still loved the Ayase shoujo, but i am just at 5… nth rabid just everything in its place i have little to rant, puts me in a good fluffy mood…there are actually more than the norm doramas i quite like the first ep this season but cant find time for and alas Dec and new yr, new season in weeks~!

  7. Hay! lol wah life must be hectic for you!

    I have also never been so exhausted in my life that I actually took a day off work today to catch up on…WORK! So sad but I was actually excited about having the day off even if it’s to complete unfinished work lol

    I’m also still enjoying ayase and the drama too~

    December’s always busy but I hope you’ve made some decisions already and are handling all that adult-y, mundane stuff well.

    I, on the other hand really need a holiday~!!

    2014 is nearly ending! How crazy is that??

    Hope 2015 brings us even more surprises with dramas!:)

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