Wabi Sabi

Whim… …from staring at a rotten pear from grocery delivery.

I made my concocted kimchi: leftover napa, salted, rinsed and chinese chives sadly dying in fridge drawer because I do not know what to do with it… in a goo of gochujang, sichuan dried chili I got fr…Sichuan running rancid, sweet paprika, mashed sad pear, fish sauce.  It looks beautiful fermenting/rotting in the jar swimming in its permeating juices and bubbles overnight…it does not have to come out of.

For years dating, I was in a functioning long distance relationship, functioning, imperfect, with enough sappy love intangibly there along with mundane stress and melancholy.   Life’s good now except… wish he is here even just giving me a stinky eyeful making a biohazardous zone out of the kitchen with another cook fail, being a forever spoiled child at heart I can be around him.  Every minute carrying on, with life, quite sufficiently, constantly arresting the urge…leaving behind my semblance of 90% clicking, for that crucial element absent, craving, compromising.   It is never about worthiness or pragmatism, is it?!  As much as I want to adhere to priorities, responsibilities, goals, out of confines of being an entity of my own, my heart is humming the tune of who cares?!

Not me.

Nor do I care about engaging, admiring a deep immersive conversation with anyone, anything, a drama.  It could be an unknown bulk of time at the airport waiting, with nothing much to do, easiest for the restlessness be watching…a drama, as my logic/instinct goes.  I have lots of choices piquing my interest normally, to check out, but what is there to be assessed when mood is not to engage… no desire to fall head over heels over anything, to indulge in addicting to something ‘worthwhile’, rejuvenating my mind so I can be more attuned, energized to…miss him more?!   I love this missing him. I love the longing, gravitating towards asperous, ascetic nothingness for the unexpected simpliest stirring of a swoon out of nowhere, atvm, my dirty sink of dishes I do not want to wash, but he would.  There is a calmness, the wabi sabi in the heightened clarity that nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect in life.

Instead of being the snarky over every flawed things not deemed worthwhile, I could jolt down pretty intimate moments touching me the week, translating into bursts of emotional expansive swells instead.

A night stroll alone, on a business trip, a few days apart.  The innocuous sight of 2 young ladies snapping pictures reminds him of her.  ‘Seven years, with another man.  Admit it He YiChen, you are jealous as hell.’   He knows, there is no way he can soldier another night, in another city away from her.

Ep15 of Silent Separation, a scene simply done in standard idol romance beats, playing out like a 4 min MV loitering every episode under the sun, flaws perhaps in the obsessive overuse of glares, to a cheesy ballad I have warmed up to, keeled me over to be this shoddy product placement vessel’s captive.

He just missed the green light, frowning, most likely at the wasted seconds away from her.  The pause let him see her from afar, unaware, playing hopscotch with the tiles and fallen parasol leaves she loved to do back then, always, waiting for him.

Intentional or not, the block of glare framing WC’s YiChen so often in the scene is deeply magical to me.

I asked for more poignant visual poetry of the parasol trees last Friday, and drama, you listened in this episode aired the day after my rant.

♪The sun is blinding, there is a symphony of heartbeats. ♪

♪You are my….pretty sunshine ♪

Aside from how perfect Wu Qian is for a younger MoSheng, I love the impact of the physical difference of MoSheng reminisced here playing in YiChen’s head, if I may.  It gets the point across it does not matter how much Zhao MoSheng has changed outwardly, inwardly, she is still this constant in his heart, his sunshine, a few seconds will rush all the feelings back, untouched.  The girl who captures his eyes at first sight, his glares held slightly lingering at her only, who colored and warmed his youth just with her simple smile is still here in front of his eyes.

♪Ripples, threads of our story unfinished as time is changing, and we are wavering. ♪

♪(my world, without you), tasteless, colorless void.♪

It took his breath away hearing her voice, saying to a stranger,

My husband…

His face is warmth by the glow of smiles.

She will wait for him.  That is

Good.

Swell, his heart, said He YiChen.

But she is not in the conference room waiting for him, he frowned.  Instead she went out with their senpai from college whom he is shooting all the jealous beams at.

Very smart lawyer Bigbro immediately excuses himself of the ‘poor reception’ because of karma as a horrible dude.  YiChen, thorns, wariness and all snubbing a dinner date with MoSheng, is texted a message not to be senselessly jealous dumping it on the poor lady who just asked bigbro out to ‘bribe’ him to keep an eye on YC, making sure he eats and rests.

And immediately, he smiles, even almost unnoticeable.

He took her to an intimate restaurant he is a regular at.  A restaurant that is famous for dishes of an ingredient from her hometown, their hometown, she loves, and he used to hate.   He has not been here for a while (needs not since she’s back).

My wife.

-We are famous for our bamboo shoot dishes.

Can’t you tell.  From my eyes.

He does not like it

He realizes she remembers still.

Mr He orders it every time.

Can’t you tell.

It is hard to turn it down.

Hard to resist missing you, eating what you like, thinking of you.

She indulges herself watching him taking a bite as he does the same.

Are you going to wait for me home?

Please, with pleading eyes.

But MoSheng is just stating the obvious he won’t have keys.

I am not used to keeping others waiting.

He plays down the yearning.

Unlike you.  Seven years, MoSheng.

The night before, he moved his flight up to be back late into the night, walking into his house, now permeated with her touch.

♪moved into my sweet dream.♪

Is it a dream, he must be asking himself, with her, on his bed, in his home, living with him.  Married to him.

He drives her to work so matter of fact while lying he has to be in court nearby.   She asks him out for lunch but he curtly refuses, not even looking at her when she says her goodbye, lingering a stare at the space of hers after she left, reining in the overwhelming stupor of happiness he has not felt for too long.  This is little touches making He YiChen ‘special’,  he never loses his bearing being a functioning adult, believably, never out of character as a competent lawyer.  Work is work,  but never a conscious moment he stops loving his MoSheng in all the most natural, mundane subtle ways any other guy would, making him real, yet unreal.

But he almost lost his bearing just taking in his closet, now half boisterous with her clothes.

It must have never looked more perfect.

He needs a moment, a console table to lean on, for eternity, taking in MoSheng, his wife, cooking for him.  Only in his wildest dream, which is happening.

He will always lose to her, happily.   She wants to go to their university’s Open House as his plus1 with no invitation as a drop out.  He does as she says.  She wants matching tacky school tees, and wears them, she has her way.   He fishes out the cash, only asking her not to bargain, enjoying the sight of her so happy with a small thing.  Not unlike himself.

And so every episode lately, there are these little scenes of easy sweetness, not the underwhelming acting of TangYan can harm.   So boastful how this is an addictive nectar we can’t refuse the streaming site will display all the lovey dovey scenes in the preview, even posting own gifs, fully aware they would be the only watchable minutes of the next episode, even less so as often the skinship will be cut out in the proper drama.

He sees she is clumsy peeling her shrimp and dumps one in her bowl, throwing in a bonus hot caring stare.

He never lets her slip out of his love for her, she is owning his highest prerogative.  He YiChen excels not in jawdroppingly romantic fanciful deeds, but consistent dribbles of care, understanding, concern any guy can bestow upon the one, perhaps not as steady flow as the fantasyland of a romance.  Once the mutual feelings are realized, there is no beating around the bush, no misunderstanding, just complete faith in his woman, their love.  Meeting the other guy for the first time, rattled in jealousy he is managing coolheadedly like we would expect an intelligent guy, a lawyer top of his game.   He holds her hand, calming her nerves.  Instead of dumping all his emotions, as he snaps his hand back afterward, expressing his annoyance, he only asks her to think about how to write a formal letter of apology for running off alone, not calling him…when they get back home, their home, with a slightest smile.  He has lost the ability to ever be mad at her, as his priority is never as clear…as long as he has her back in his life.

I wont ‘take advantage’ of you when you are compromised with a cold.

You can.

Here?!  Now?!

Sleep with me a while longer….

I have to hold you tight or else you will get a cold.  We will both get a cold.

There is still no explosive, palpable chemistry with Wallace and TangTang, but oddly it is ok.   They are convincing enough.  Wallace is showing me his worth.  TangTang has been tolerable in these cute scenes of pure shoujo romantic lightness.  Stripped to the bare essence of worth, fragmentation glimpses into the whole entity of this love between a man and a woman, like the sunlight filtered through shoji, beams through leaves and branches, this nails its game still, 3, 5 minutes out of the 45 min ep. Nothing is really hurting except my opinion on GuMan.  I’ll leave it at that, on a brightest note I can fish in me on a disappointing in quite many ways drama adaptation.

And there, in 5 min and some gifs, you can skip the opposite of profundity that is My Sunshine.

My face, much less aesthetically charming, sitting through an episode of Hyde, Jekyll and Me.

Is this a most severe testament of how much we love Binnie to be able to sit through this calmly or what, without too much debilitating bafflement on what he sees in the script for him to greet us after four longggg years?!  I ohmed to myself I should have faith in him, he has never disappointed me in his acumen even when the components might not fit perfectly into a perfect production, there are times he is not exceptionally terrific, but lessons are always learned for him, and he keeps up on ‘new’ challenges, never repeating a role we have seen…but have we here!?  Can the writing be more pedestrian ho hum, taking itself out of the play, betting solely on HBinnie’s megastar power?!  Is he picking this up as an ode to the lowest denomination of his massive fandom, ‘here have two Binnies in a dominating ALL Binnie’s show to begin with’ because he might never do pure fluffy fanservice again, ever?!?!   He has put it in words, however few, through the years he wanted to do a character with split personalities, as simple as that.  I hated ep2 less, I did watch it calmly, albeit underwhelmed, there is a beauty in it as well, no?!  I must have found an ineffable way of accepting.  Or namely, this drama makes endless lovely gifs I can stare at.

And he smiles.  A face an angel made.  My world can be better, but not much.

Even cringeworthy wrist grab a la HBin is for shielding the lady from harm’s way with his impressive body and thus swoonworthy?!  I am confused but what incredible arm strength. SWOON

I think one of them is supposed to be a ringmaster and the other a BingBing the monkey.  Or more soundly, he is the ruler of my fangirl world and I am his gimp, refuse to compromise, quoting He YiChen on love and the one, just because this is not comforting an inspired script thus far.  Story is unfinished, I will see to its end.

Plus I have found my own amusement in shouting out  Big Dipper/Heart Balloon Power, make up!  whenever the angelic Robin ‘alter’ ego breaks out often with the sight of said balloon and he is forever wearing that oh so important PPL big dipper pendant.   There is no greater delusional satisfaction meshing Hbinnie and SailorMoon I am telling ya.

fr Shura

This is how my Loverboy looks all dolled up in glossy magazine:

Why…

when FilA the brand loves his effortless beauty roaming around in their coat, snapped off the set and looking charming much:

…as a janitor just standing or sitting around.  The most beautiful janitor in greater China that could be on If You Are The One if you ask me.

And this is his first selfie in MONTHS.

WHY. YOU. NO. SHAME.

I do not know.  I should borrow his words sending his best wishes to Nicky and ShiShi,

‘我都幸福得快哭了好吗‘  I am so happy I am in tears.

As long as you are happy, my love.

The tabloids have been constantly humming the great news for the very happy newlyweds for months now, after they caught ShiShi and Nicky formed a production conglomerate together, so this comes to no surprise to many of us very nosy bodies.  And of all the songs of Kit Chan, clearly his favorite from I Am Singer S3, which he shares with my true RL lovely hubs, he posted this days ago:

與其讓你在我懷中枯萎　寧願你犯錯後悔 
讓你飛向夢中的世界　留我獨自傷悲
與其讓你在我愛中憔悴　寧願你受傷流淚
莫非要你嘗盡了苦悲　才懂真情可貴

Rather than languishing in my embrace, I would rather you lapse in regrets…

Fly to the moon of your dreams, leaving me dwelling in my misery.

Rather than waning in my love, I would rather you weep in hurt…

after tasting all the sadness, to realize how precious it is when love is true.

The HongShi shippers had a bleeding field day.

It was the 10th anni of his baidu bar/fanclub.  To another 10, 20, 30, 40, 50…years…looking exactly the same old!  Don’t ever change.  Lets grow/stay old together! SQUEE!

Just when I was all concerned nudging TangTang, or anyone I care, to not attempt revamping an Eason Chan, of course my Loverboy has done it  with the title, in TangTang’s native tongue SHnese, XieXieNong/Thank you.  Yes TY Loverboy, be the handsome cuckoo you are, speaking your mind on the set, meta-ing, with a heartfelt snippet.  And hey it’s not that bad.

好萊塢是演員們的美夢　亮著太遙遠的彩虹
可能來自小胡同的他看不懂
他能夠讓我感動　誰管他紅不紅
他知道自己有用　誰管他窮不窮
到底他的過去他的未來成功不成功　沒人懂..沒人懂

Hollywood is the beautiful dream of actors, a rainbow glistening too far.

Perhaps he does not understand, the boy from a little Wutong/alley.

He can move me, who cares if he has make it or not.

He knows he is capable, who cares if he is poor or not.

Whether he would be successful, past or future…nobody knows.  NOBODY KNOWS.

I have no nails left biting them so anxious of his upcoming dramas FINALLY seeing the light.  Please, no jinxing mookie.  I pray.  ‘Definitely’ out in Feb: Fall In Love With You Again/转身说爱你 and Ordinary World/平凡的世界, less believably Chang Ge Xing/秀丽江山之长歌行 but perhaps who knows now that we can see the insanely alternative universe crapping all over an Empress Wu happening and already declared a rating juggernaut of the year 2015 and beyond, and last and least lesigh Hua Xu Yin/华胥引 keeps crying wolf 3 million times.  For the two sure bet airing, it is a nice mix of idol fluff with SiWon ( lets hope on more Miss Granny play on the fountain of youth trope than ANYTHING ELSE…) alternating palate with the dense human drama adapt epic of the seminal classic.  At least be as solid and respectable as Old Farmer/老农民. I watched perhaps 10 eps in total, but still moved me to some warm fuzzy giggles along the way, and tears towards the end.  The genre may not be enticing, but instead of sparing ourselves critiquing actors doing good to great jobs, I only see a collection of thespians performing an artform, creating art, not a hair out of place, not one doubt this is the best jobs these characters deserved ever.  I bow to them all.

My way or highway.