Oh Hae Young Again 6, 7, 8 musings

 

 

 

Food, is love:

Food is  HY’s emotional bandage of simplest pleasure.  That little reprieve for her Mother, seeing HY is eating at least….before she hits her child upside of head.  Yes, as PDK puts it, it is really pretty a scene to witness HY eating heartily.  That change in ep8, it is making him cry.

‘Is this real’

‘Why impress me without permission?!’

‘Mypreciouussss!’

I have never seen one perfect mesh of an offspring as the Oh household.  I could imagine OhDaddy having a somewhat similar childhood as HY, the mild mannered laconic child overshadowed by a competitive sibling, a timid shameless spirit cocooned.  His feelings explode when instigated, flipping a table of yummy food marking the auspicious occasion no more his wife made, swiftly invades PDK’s space and nudging him into their family over pork belly…soulmating with OhMommy, who possessing this zealous boldness in her every action following through her purpose: loving her family.  Let us be reminded who is the one really intruding:

There is a sweetness to Dad insisting their HY must marry, he is the model: OhMommy is his world…they also have his life’s worth, the fruition of their loving marriage: HY.   HY is not the social norm of pride and joy, they are aware, she needs not be, these 2 cutest souls nurtured everything precious they work hard on instilling in her inner beauty and worthiness, she is uniquely an Oh!Perfection. His daughter is after him in never shy from giving a good honest stare of appreciation of human beauty.

Easy for us to jump to conclusion all those embarrassing OhMommy moments OtherHY aired half drunk or not in 5, as humiliating HY, we know better now both HYs treasure fondly as precious memento of parental love.   OhMommy’s credo: Be a honest, genuine, loyal person, shame archaically is a cover-up of what deemed inadequate, when it is a matter of love, there is nothing to hide, where is the shame?!  That is manifested by her popping buttons off shirts, hitting her daughter with the bone she is going to make soup for, rage as physical exertion, expressions of her love.  HY is exactly her Mom’s child.  HY’s belligerent smashing of his window, fiercely guarding her pride, because her mother instilled in her love should never be shadowed by shame.  OhMother is also one never shy expressing her every feeling, be it love, guilt, remorse for being angry at HY, misunderstanding her during the breakup.  Honesty, and loyalty to oneself, before others, how precious.

A cute anecdote of OhMommy, often OhDaddy as well, bringing HY their famously delicious lunch to the gate so their daughter could enjoy it warm, recollected by OtherHY just with a bite of freshly made bento for DK, purely out of her observation and memory recollected, chance of HY spelling anything to her in school: none whatsoever.  But the girl who haz it all keenly took it in as a sweet memory: normalcy she craves, such unconditional love without judgment, from the girl always under the spotlight, its glorified, harsh magnification to be perfect because the adoration she is receiving is never founded from who her whole really is within but how the world objectify her.  She has as sweet a relationship as her callously hardheaded stepsister can offer, after weighing her mother fits the non-gold-digger bill.  Make a note of where she randomly ran into her step-family, a posh restaurant where food is not really what’s on the menu.  We saw OhMommy constantly at her station in the kitchen, food is physical nuggets of her love, even to a sister in law she can barely stand, and that must be why exactly HY takes refuge. There are hints Ohparents ran a restaurant, a toddler often aspire to be exactly her Mommy when grown up, another level of adoration for a grown daughter to pursue a passionate vocation like Mom because cooking, food must be her volitional happy place her folks’ nurtured.  The Oh!family bento for DK is love, the pork belly is love. DK must have thought he is downplaying his care by just a few bags of snacks and chocopie but not in the Oh!fam lexicon.  All llove

Still HY has moments her coffee tastes so great she does a coffee making cute dance with her friendzoned manager, content with her own pretty enough world.

Look at you kids laughing, you are no better than me! 

A part of her has been developing the resilience not to let humiliation takes hold, the shame covering up who she is, infesting inferiority.  Try as she might, she is still affected, her reaction being she won’t allow external beatings turn her into a laughable joke for the world to belittle her more.  But love has a humiliating existence, she has sworn she would give it her all another try.  This romcom heroine is so marvelously resourceful, zealous in never quits trying swift on her feet as soon as hurt and humiliation stirs up. She won’t allow unwelcomed sentiments linger.  She promptly meditates after more heartbreaking seeing his ex again and another spilling of all her humiliation and pain with that other guy…who has always been there. There is humiliation in her life alright and shame seeping in she pulling all her resolve ignoring and hiding. This guy lets her share this part of her with herself, as a whole again, and with him.  It surprisingly hurts less than resorting to simplest pleasures of eating/drinking…what it is, it could only be love.   He makes her world more beautiful, embracing the humiliation.   Even if out of understandable pity, she appreciates it by what she has ‘gained’ however short lived the bliss.  When as surreptitiously some guy lights a little bulb of happy in her world, it is flicked off by a switch. On and off, on and off, Han TaeJin or Park DoKyung, she is still the ultimately owner of that switch.  Again the most important virtue instilled by her folks is staying true to self is how you can love who you are, no one can affect and touch that strength and power she builds within herself.

She is the daughter of parents who would do so.  She is the beloved daughter of parents who mourn and dance and sing and cry and heartbreak along, lamenting splurging on noraebang is followed by Mom asking HY if she wants even more alcohol.   And HY lets them pet her, love her, most naturally.

It is so much perfection HY is singing slightly off tune over KimYuna’s flawless crooning of One Fine Spring Day (that has gone away).

Sound director’s heart is owned and discarded by Lee YoungAe, most beautiful gust of wind, breath of air, a hum of tune personified, he heard that spring.  Silent melancholy and pounding rapture, heartbreak this tranquil, life’s beauty enhanced in the acceptance of transience and imperfection/ wabi sabi.  Wind still rustles through that field of grass every spring so familiar, never the same again, heartbreaks are perhaps more devastating when it does not leave a trace but with nature as witness, love has happened and gone.  Perhaps HY first taste of love is a spring with TaeJin, as she lost it this spring, the spring she’s fallen again for another guy, and as spring ends, it vanishes.  It should be easier with the fresh experience nursing a heartbreak, make it two… hopefully the pain lasts a song, two as she is singing as well… singing out loud how the sound director bustling into her life should cry and feel, fall in and out of love again.   Perhaps she wishes she could smile like YooTiJae at the ending scene, letting go, taking in a new calmness of soothing suffering as a beauty of living with a smile.

♪When I close my eyes…I remember that day I missed so much.♪

♪My heart still hurts the same,♪

♪that is because, men are like flowers,  bloom and wither,  so beautiful and tragic.♪

♪Spring has, callously left.♪

 

 

Pity…is Love:

I pity those I love, Park DoKyung to an OHY.

Not that ourHY can not read him through and through.  As if her feelings for him is not a lovely mix of pity/empathy/sympathy…care to pity is feelings she lucidly told PDK.

This stranger shows her empathy, sympathy, pity uninvited and ourHY gives him a gracious long stare of gratitude in return.   She pores into him, even inebriated, she tells him with confidence he has a kind eyes no matter how brittle and miserable he looks.   What her Mom later said as well, piercing into his eyes, as he is downing an awkward drink.   It is this warm honesty beaming from her eyes that stirred his feelings the first time. Like his hands, are warm,  that fking pretty spring night.  Since then he keeps giving her nuggets of feelings under the guise of pity and hidden guilt constantly, no matter what cold words he said.  She always give him a steadfast sweet stare, beaming him exactly her feelings that moment for him to read, he is free to impress her without permission, but she is going to interpret it as purest exhibition of his caring and feelings towards her, against whatever he is trying to lead her to not read into as he explains profusely as if reasonable, something he had for a while.  That Something is…pity…feelings…love.

You said even with that partition with no locks, you feel safe.   He is constantly worried you would be hit on by weird punks…do not tell her not to have misunderstandings, those ideas, the workings of weird punks must have crossed your mind too often to be spilled out time and again, as you simply put, you are a man and she is a woman he is frustratingly feeling for, more than pity, more than guilt, he knows.

While HY has a table of her Mom’s food she could keep herself busy in pain, and family behind her back, to begin with.  PDK is the metaphor of at the brink of freefalling, crashing like the bird in his vision, in misery, alone.

I appreciate how harsh a self-critic PDK is, brisk in his penitence.   He is almost cruelly self flagellating himself never to make the same mistake twice, and nagging HY more than her Mom, difference is Mom’s concern is health and DK is harping his worry HY being taken advantage physically, esp by guys like him. He is made more human as she unravels him and trembling his revolve we, HY, have seen him at that brink of abandoning rhyme and reason and gives happiness another try with HY.  Every flicker is discerningly noted by those keenest stares HY never lets him get away with.

He takes the care to caress her entire wrist, no longer a prop, grasping her fully, gently.

He takes a moment to make sure she is fine with him dragging her along.

Without words, he says with his hands holding her out of need, want.  It is unnecessary, he has no winded explanation of what is to be not thought too much this time, it is he is simply putting it in silence and darkness, his affection.

He wants nothing more to protect her, from the wrath of his sister, from his dysfunctional family, from a broken undeserving soul, hiding his feelings from hurting her.

Those feelings in thumps, an earshot from her.  His sensitivity to sound must be aware nothing is obscuring what these palpitations mean.

Nor these gazes, both of them, he lacks that control with those eyes leading to his soul.  Her lips, he tries to evade, but fearlessly she shows him permission…to kiss her as her eyes fixate on his.  This conveys more intensity than a kiss, this gentle cautious care to not succumb to a want, and hurt her in the name of love.

It is warm, your hand (your lips too, I am sure, your affection, your love).

You hold her hand,  your volition, a woman who has told you her feelings candidly, repeatedly, shamelessly, and she is spelling your feelings out for you most prudently.

What did we do?  Nothing.  

  Psst, we did not really kiss. shhh Lets not spell it out.

*those eyes cant lie*

I genuinely appreciate OtherHY.  We all are so programmed with assumptions of her construct, her big reveal, tired tropes of pretty Girl2, a meta of how she is unfairly a by-victim of misogyny.  Her worth is based on her extraordinary looks, judged, however biased favorably, on the superficial alone.  No one cares to read the content of HER.  She is submissive to OHY’s abuse at her expense, but if she divulged, the unwanted attention/hate on OurHY will just escalate, more selfishly she is so insecure of risking the baseless adoration, what she uses to fill that hole without the love of a stable family.   Her agenda of visiting DK is not asking him back, we later learn, she does not have the most ‘plausible’ of kdrama contrivances suffering a terminal disease incapacitated but now all well, ready to be lapping by his side.  Consider what she heard from his own words on the recording, it will break anyone:  as a child of many divorces,, assuming the trust and love would result in a marriage anchored by love between equals.  Instead he was entering the marriage because he pitied her, even if out of love, someone he feels too sorry to leave, that is her worth to him.  She cant live with this wake up call of inferiority as insecure as she is.   OtherHY has been picking herself up not only from a heartbreak, his words also broke her self esteem.

I can not imagine the devastation of this blow, how many times she could have said it exactly to herself yet persevered.

You are hurting HaeYoung! 

 It takes genuine compassion, a generous soul to explain herself at the receiving end of his cruelty he is still unaware.   The recording would break him, his relationship with his Mom might not survive, her heart was freshly broken by him then and she still cares about him before herself.  Airing it out at their wedding, DK will put all the blame on himself and the guilt would eat him alive and she had rather she work on her realizing this is not the love she deserves.  What she wants is closure, for herself, for DK.  She saw him in a happier place with OurHY and hopes he has moved on, thus the guilt hearing the recording will be a milder blow.  I applaud her strength protecting her self-respect first and did not belittle herself staying with him, putting up an act for his sake, a man she loved.  I cheered even though there is still love and tenderness towards PDK, she is determined not begging reviving a relationship, his ignorant assumption.   It is gutsy squarely midway in a romcom, this drama’s nub is:  love…could be uselessly ugly, not this cure-all superpowerful magic.  We should have our unique read on love, what we should act upon love is PART of the equation of our existence.   Love is a reflection of self, these pitible characters love themselves various degrees, and what compose of the love they give or take from others make up who they are.  For HY love is still this sweetest purest bliss, that is why when it is gone, it hurts…but when it touches her again, it is still as fking beautiful.  For DK, his love is pity his love breaks and hurts OtherHY then inevitably OurHY,  he is a walking human vessel of despair and guilt lately, hope in he can give and receive happiness?! He would break another entire car o such sadistic joke ( he did, two!) Love is humiliating, love can hurt, and PDK is not ready to impose his most toxic bland on anyone. More astonishing awesome OtherHK is, she is also reaching out to DK to take a stance for OurHK.    He could not use OurHK as a rebound in her place, whatever the circumstances, it is a blatant lie DK is in love with OHK without a thought of her, just as OurHK is unwillingly judged and bullied just sharing her name.  PDK can not hide behind his pride and shame to be completely honest with HY and he lacks HY’s agency to channel his bouts of shame and humiliation and guilt on top of fresh guilt…over these actions his horrible lack of standard to stoop so low stringing along the woman he practically stole from a guy he destroyed.  IT is not noble idiocy at play, it is actually a clarity of compassion, by sparing HY that inevitable hurt when truth reveals, who is to say it is not an expression of love?!

He is seeing a psychiatrist, apart from his eerie visual premonitions, I bet he realized he has been a long time suffering of depression and it might be deteriorating to psychosis recently.   My hunch is OtherHY has knowledge too, and under his fragility, he needs to resolve his own demons before jumping into a relationship, OtherHY is cautioning him not to cover a hurt with inflicting more pain, on himself, and on ourHY.   Bottomline is, she cares for his well-being, she is ready to extend help after a year, saw how irrationally emotional still eaten up by rage. physically hurting himself, she fears for his safety, and a part of her fears for OurHY as well.  she respects his feelings, I am not sure what happened but DK hates seeing a woman cry and OtherHY had been compromising, made a habit out of smiling even when crying.  She is not blaming him when he should be blamed, he ignorantly accused her his own fault.  Her resilience is admirable when DK continues his caustics and she deflects to the another reason of why she is here she cares about OurHY in harm’s way because of her.  Self-preservation is she is determined to start afresh embracing the true OHY within and she is sick of internalizing guilt witnessing OurHY suffering in any way because of her. Same as she wants closure with DK because she has no room for hate remembering them as a memory.

We have no context of the heated conversation Mom taped.  Information gathered is Mom is denying him love, not even pity.  In measured doses, we know DK loved his Dad and the grieve and devastation is severe,  like HY in food industry, he follows his dad’s vocation, and his seemingly gawdAwful golddigger Mother’s obsession of nothing but money is not truly nothing: to fuel the pipedream of producing a great movie, my guess it has to do with the memory of her dead husband.   Obsessions or distractions with money, alcohol, young ladies, workaholism promising attainable pleasures each member of the Park family is abusing to numb the pain in dysfunction.  They love each other, our dim ParkHoon will shove it in his hyung’s face, willingly offers himself as his perpetual verbal and physical punchbag.  DK is grooming him to follow his footsteps, pity, intense concern of a hyung towards his dazed brother leading life without focus jumping from woman to woman.

Whatever embarrassment, denial, PK is no longer shy shoving in her token of love out in front of his minions, and eyeing some more of her blatant affection till the last gimbap.

PDK is kind sensitive determined under that miserable exoskeleton.  After hearing his own cruel words crouching OtherHY, a fresh bout of immense guilt is devastating his self-esteem.  This is a man who evaluated himself as worthy of dwelling in nothing but misery when we first met him.  I do not think he regards himself as even worthy of sadness now, nor pitying others, a lofty dream at end of 8.  He is guarding himself from that premonition HY said he would cry for her, so brittle his state of mind and his escalating uncontrollable urges of yearning for her, he fears seriously not surviving this round of heartbreak/psychosis, more and more inevitable.  His seemingly insensitive, at times cruel words to OurHY is never out of pride, he speaks his every word towards her with too much caution, weighing what would be best for her sake, overprotective for her constantly, even if unwanted.  He said he does not like her, and before he can beats himself up with guilt, he is invited into a warm dinner, as if included as family by her lovely parents, and she has to replay his insults, humiliating herself AND her parents…resulting in even more ugly guilt he needs lashing,  on OurHY yes, but more urgently he senses if she is not removed from his proximity, he might give in the temptation and takes those hurtful words back, but he would then have to redo the insufferable scene some other time confusing her some more.  He needs to be alone desperately to wallow in this suffocating guilt and pain.  Being hurt by a nobody douchebag like him when they are not even in a relationship is nothing compared to a lovely woman like her falling for him, because what is happiness, he is not able to offer anything lasting to the table, inflicting hurt on the one he loved, that is his expertise, he is reminded by OtherHY just today.  I think it is commendable of him to not bulge from showing her all the care and concern, neatly parceled as love especially when he can’t bear any harm to her with his premonition…even if he can’t say the L word, he is not ready to take up the responsibility working on a relationship with so little, asking so much from him, inadequate PDK and taking so much love she is openly made available.   It is OurHY not afraid of crashing and burning again, she has nothing to hide, she can always put action towards her feelings as she zealously pleases, she has always been one tough and fearless enough cookie cleaning her wounds  after all the falls from bullying.  She has her lovely parents to fall back to, her bff is not shabby at all…and tbh, if it does not work out with PDK, so what.  That guy she has more history with, said he could not stand eating with her, and she eats her hearts out every meal swallowing the tears along since, and survived.   She could get over a PDK, she just wants to give love a try most earnestly and not be delusional this time around it won’t hurt and will last forever, she just does not want regrets.  We could label PDK her rebound but HY is not transferring her feelings, we know very little the lovely dynamics w TaeJin, but never once did she savor a moment with DK and thought of TJ, she turns Tj into a bittersweet memory herself.  What does PDK have to fall back to?!   Plus he has to keep adding on that guilt mounting.   When he listens to her recording on location, it is out of an insatiable concern for her, he records her every word, every emotion expressed, in his mind.   A woman who has thrown away her pride, suffered the humiliation loving him, still, after he is manhandling her away.   He could not live with his conscience, his sanity, jumping into a romance with her, but he is determined to do everything but.  He listens to the tape to know her better, so he could meticulously care for her with all his might, yes, uninvited still.

HY is so perceptive with human emotion, putting every nuance of feelings happening in crisp words and immediate actions.  He is a quiet great listener much more in tune than he could sound out.   That rage he lashes on her after hearing her tape is covering up an intense worry and concern for her, all the more source for his worry and concern IF she senses it and falls more for him.  She thought she is fine one-sided in the lovecraze tango, yet his actions had been telling her otherwise, and she assumes his action speaks exactly his feelings and wants honestly like her, and he is making her feel awful, taking her as some loose drunkard she is blatantly lying to make light his burden, he should know and she is righting him the very moment.  He took all the bubbling feelings back, making her feel crappier on her birthday, by meeting with OtherHY instead after initiating spending time with her over snacks and chocopie.

After listening to Mom’s recording, he understands what went so wrong, he is ready to take his share of blame and move on, the same page OtherHY is at.   He proposed to her after matches of table tennis and finally a win and his prize…of asking her hand in marriage.  It might also be a projection she is this woman above his league but he connects with her because he understands her insecurities, therefore he pitied her.  She suggests they rewrite their ending, but go for a beer before parting ways instead after table tennis.  Create their own happy ending, leaving a last scene for their sweet memory.  I believe in her meaning well for everyone involved.   She asks for OurHY’s permission to meet with DK explaining it as they need time for a closure.  I believe that is her honest intention is to not keep it from OurHY and hurt her in any way, but no one can guarantee if there is no extended chapters, epilogues and OurHY curtly ‘No. It is not ok.’  Being cautious is OtherHY’s motto, tact, she is untrained.  OurHY has way more than enough of devastating outcomes in the proximity of an OHY, let alone cheering on them making up and perhaps live happily ever after, who knows… no fking way she is risking even this guy she loves but does not love him back and she would hate it more feeding him to his ex he has unresolved messy feelings with with her blessing.  If it is ok by OurHY, she is truly completely crazy a fool.

Back to that night she broke his window like one crazy scorned woman, he does let himself feel though for OurHY, especially when alone, lingering on the rock, her jealous rage out of loving him, and it starts consuming him.  I am quite confident he realizes in a moment like this, he is over OtherHY, after he allows himself to be consumed by concern for her, texting her to come home, when he stands on the porch making sure she gets home safe middle of the night (and this is the beginning of these ‘come home’ many sleepless nights), he would replay this visual, an unconscious slightest upturn of his lips.  Many of these sleepless nights because of her on his mind, he must have replayed her every word said directly to him, recorded on the white noise she thought she is alone.  He listened and falls in love to every sound of her.

 

Say it.  My vocabulary.  You said it is pity, you said it is not love.  You told me to leave you alone,  then care enough to ask me back…home.  My pride you thought I do not have any, I will cherish my feelings, alone.

Attagirl.

…to me…Home.

No.   

Her heart still flutters at every little showing of care he leaks out, it is love…but if there is only one willing hand to clap, why clap at all.  She is done putting her heart on sleeve.  Love, sweet love, is too much humiliation, HY knows she deserves to live with a better HY, not one in squishing shame.

He has no right to hit TaeJin no matter the circumstances, but he will hurt those hurting her.   He has no right to follow her to her parent’s house.  He has no right himself hurling those hurtful things.   It is consuming him, her love his feelings.

If you like someone, that is what you do.  She says.  He does.

Eat some, it tastes good.  

He honestly thought she looks alluring when eating, enjoying her food.  This time it is a torturous suffering, for her, for him witnessing.

I thought the signal has changed.

  She thought she has moved on.

Lets eat together.  TJ said, it is freshly cutting her heart if intently, telling her he has moved on, does not mind eating with her,  or not…if he has forgotten entirely what he said to her when they broke up, it hurts more.   How can it hurts so bad still?!  I am giving TJ copious amount of leniency because he has so little screen time.  My assumption is he is this meticulously cautious businessman, and PDK is ruining his life for no reason, he must get to the bottom and there must be a fear he could have stepped on someone’s toes and this could be nefarious…he was almost put to jail and now he is seeking revenge, and perhaps he does not want HY to be harm in any way, she could be collateral damage being attached to him.  A theory why he has to cut her off with such cruelty and repeating the poison.

DK  has watched on as well intently alone, her pain, his visions, after learning TJ is coming out of prison, it is inevitable his shoddy mistake will be revealed by TJ and that must hurt HY, he could create an excuse to let TJ beats the shit out of him and hopefully relief some of TJ’s frustration, but messing with HY’s life more, that woman could pay him back with more love.  He deliberately shuts her physically out, hoping she and he himself would believe what’s uttered, as if following his words he does not like her, with action…like her example,  his outrageous action of yelling at her to leave.   It is nothing but pity because she is so pitiful, he said, he thought he can believe and believable for her.  Yet she latches on his mind even more ferociously, Since then those sleepless night pacing her porch, by her side as she stuffs in her pain with  food and soju, hearing her throwing up, purging that mental pain with physical discomfort, he could only gets her medicine, same token as she nurses him with food.   His visions of her is more frequent and more bothersome, if I am his shrink (I would have jump him first on the couch yes, shame on me, is love)  I would diagnose him it is his id, his subconscious fed up with his in denial shenanigans, expressing itself in  visuals he could not help but act upon, as in he could not bear her not by his side/ be home, with him, that yearning so strong it props open some time space convergence what he is seeing happening in the future are actually suppressed visions of what he desires:  messy distress she is ‘pitible’ in dire danger it is just human to rescue her, no choice… thus providing him valid reasons to keep worrying for her, seeing her.

And ERIC learns,  remembering EunSoo-yah!?  At the dock,  by the river, missing the boat then?!  lol

She said goodbye to her parents, reassuring them she will be back home definitely after meeting someone, I am sooo overwhelmed by the love and respect her folks is blessing her with… I am still laughing AND bawling remembering that noraebang scene.   And she gives him a sternest stare as he darts to her, almost.  Bikers, obstacles, his demons, this is the second time he heck cares and wants nothing more than runs to her…but he halt himself a safe distance from her.

Let’s go.

She takes a moment, keenly noting what he is doing, those eyes do not lie, all that bursting concern and longing, palpable…so she throws away her pride, acknowledges her pathetic just like he is doing, before going along with him.


All the way home,  her eyes never breaks this sternness, speaking her heart, all the way, he can not hold back peeking at her, this fear he senses this is the last straw and she is fed up following his contradiction.  This is a moment he has cease to overthink his inadequacy, guilt and completely be owned by woman he misses terribly, evading her when she boldly meets his eye, palpable is his shame, his humiliation because he is blatantly contradicting his hurtful words, acting out his love for her.  She said out loud when he asks her where she is,  it means he likes her, and he still asks her to stay put, wait for him, silently acknowledging her interpretation, but still stringing her along walling her out, keeping himself a safe distance.

He dares not come closer, evading her space, her piercing gaze.  Unlike him, she has nothing to hide, she has given her all, in actions and words, and she focuses on taking in his everything, why he can not look at her, why he urgently has to see her, missing her, telling her with action he likes her, so urgent with the ugly bruises on his face, she must have a guess that big commotion is near her parent’s house, nosy neighbors as witnesses.   Her heart flutters at every quiver of his love for her written in cuts and bruises on his face.  And that is what she is going to talk about, his bruises, honestly giving him a hug with words it is lovely he acts out his love/pity for her. She is taking it all in, just because he is not brave enough to face his feelings, her love, does not mean she needs to react, and stop loving him this moment, even if she has made up her mind, is last.

She likes this man, this pitiful pitiful man.  But she likes herself more and this is all she is going to give him, their last ride.   She would come home with you if you say those honest magic words he could not, and still she is lovingly gazing at her fool in pain because he can’t.

She is sick of being an incapacitated fool in love, she tells him later.  That’s why she has to stop herself loving him.  It is a reprieve for him, better he writhes in the pain losing her in his life, alone, in fright, in physical painful premonition of his deserving hell to come. This gives him free from guilt, from hurting her, to care and dote on her all he wants professing he does not love her, if she stops loving him for good.

Still, he could wish her no harm,

 ‘Take caution crossing roads’

She did already, she did not allow herself to.

 

 

 

l’émerveillement …The wonder, the delight…I lost it time to time, that’s why I come to see you.

SooKyung, is breaking me to watch, literally leading a life of earth shatter devastation by a heartbreak.  There is no way around the pain, she has worked a routine alternating her consciousness between crazily wasted, reminiscing the enhanced jitters of love now lost in the stupor, and nothing human but scathing professionalism at her high strung day job.  She is highly functional an executive, just terribly hopelessly sad.  I suspect she has no emotional agency left but to cut off her Mother, or else she should be financially comfortable to waste some on her, taking off the burden for DK.

 

The hopelessness is I have no idea how long Isadora has been barely surviving with this pain but she must have exhausted many options, I trust she is resourceful and her mind is sharp and sound, too sound she has to slug it, inhibiting the thoughts with brain-depressing alcohol.

I am fine if she hooks up with JinSang, might snap her out of a doomed affair with a married man.   There is this running theme of all these miserable souls falling in love sparked by pity and often add on guilt.  It can’t be coincidence Sis and JinSang has one real bonding relatively sober when she is crying and he said DK’s same line if she has been hit, is she alright, expressing his worry and concern as he takes care of her, wiping off her tears.  There is a reaction, and see how they could transform each other, if they wish.  But I am also fine if they just be co-parents of a child after a drunken one night stand, forced to grow up without being restricted in marriage.  I am much more looking forward to the joy HY could bring SooKyung as her sister in law.  LOL  AND Can anyone wait for all those gleefully eating chipmunk/puppy look on ERIC’s face as DK, the pampered spoiled rotten SoniL of HY’s doting parents?!?!?!  We all know the OTP will get near there, but very few of us are cheering for them to be serious so soon without ridding all the funk themselves

Babo!

I know it is mostly a reaction quirk of Eric to do things with his hyperventilating, his throat and these tiniest pursing or unraveling of his lips but this is too much  SHUT UP AND KISS machismo every time he stares intensely at OTP.  Honest

Yes skinship is ridiculous hot, we have ERIC and a super awesome Seo HyunJin going at it.  But story is at a point with so many emotional hurdles just between these two I sincerely hope this is not a spur of a lustful rage.  My heart sinks quite a bit seeing him in total mourning black. argh.   I would be FINE with ALL Eric characters, Eric himself perpetually in some lustful rage kissing women off street but it would be out of character for Park DoKyung atvm.

I ran out of patience for the 2D barely legal nymphomaniac prototype of young women, esp when played by young idols.  Young ladies however free spirited should not JUST be promiscuous, flippant, crass and labeled misogynistically as Cute+Funny a pet dog. Please no.  YoungJi is never a natural as a SeulGi and her scenes are uncomfortably forced.  Heo JeongMin has entertaining comic timing, his foolhardy passionate Park Hoon loves his dysfunctional family by constantly inserting himself as the protector fail,  so I have sth to hold onto his character other than sleaze covering up hurt, it also works for me when I see some Andymaknae with Eric features mixed in his face.

 

I am still in shock drama is actually very hefty, all of them in an emotional very miserably dark place yet overall there is lightness and hope because there is…love.  Great writing at work.

 

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3 thoughts on “Oh Hae Young Again 6, 7, 8 musings

  1. Well, I just waiting for monday…simply because of the KISS 🙂 Do Kyung angrily kiss her but I think she’s gonna kiss him back XD

  2. Hello,
    We are Buttercup & Ghostwriter from ikurate.co.uk.
    The core of our blog is dedicated to kdrama recappers, so we are on a 24/7 quest for new reviewers to add to our roster.
    We are delighted to have found you and welcome to our world!
    XD

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