Moonlight Drawn By Clouds 15

Through lies that seems like the Truth…and truths taken as lies, I have shoujofluff stock characters essayed in the grayscale harsher normal light…and shadows in this episode, down from the pedestal, of a novel angle quite remote from the moon and clouds, but down closer to earth.

For an obsessive nitpicker of all things non-essential, this is fantasy candy store where I can nitpick to my heart’s delight then have the rapturous satisfaction to confirm the perfection.  The calligraphy shown in the letters are what we would assumed from RaOn, a delicate refined gentler stroke of standard characters, or EunuchHan with a cursive freer form.  There is a saying penmanship is an extension of your character…not up for complete imitation.

*I have betrayed my promise to you again Your Highness….  The reason why I am suddenly terrified of our vow, never letting go of my hands… must have left many questions in Your Highness’ mind.  Please give me one chance to profess if possible.  By the stream at UnAk  Mountain (lit.  Cloud Peak (alt meaning by chinese character is wife’s parent)  (patiently waiting for Your Highness)*

Ep 1 ‘Mr Jung’s’ letter

Prince must have noticed the nuances off in her letter, from the brush stroke (Samnom wrote her love letter in slightly more ‘expressive’ cursive flare), to word usage.  My bet is on he read ‘first edition’ RO’s romance novels in their secret garden when missing her was beyond unbearable last episode.  And here begins the layering of Prince being the consuming romantic, he is going to gamble if he could see RO again, the rational mind in him is also worried of RO’s safety, falling into the trap, with his usual sharpest anticipation.

I have got to give a  brownie in poop point to GreatOldFoxKimHan, such clarity to see through if RO could flee and leave Prince behind without a word, she has made up her mind never seeing him again, and aware she was clueless to her bloodline till very recently with nothing to do with what they are framing WindCloud atvm.  The young lady has other entanglements, especially hard to refuse knowing more about her Father through EunuchHan.

She could have embraced him tightly back, fingers intertwined, but she would only allow her fingers to grab on his robe to confess her heart.  As he heightens his embrace with that reaction, she could have shown him more intimacy, taking in his scent, leaning into his neck, his face, but she did not.  She does not allow herself to even look at him after the embrace.  He is asking her even if she has to tell him sweet lies, he would have taken her every word as truth, begging her to say she genuinely loves him.  He would rather be consciously delusional…but she is not.  That tinge of his doubts towards her, that she would lie to him, however understandable, is a truth, and it hurts.

I am sorry, Your Highness.

Not only did Kimclowns try to set Y a treason trap, the false hope of RO missing him so much initiating the meeting is unforgivable.  Such a flawless acting job CrownPrince…until that fray of woeful hurt overflowing the very end of your best stern face.

 

It is quite telling it is impossible for Yeong to give up not trying, nor incessantly proactively find a way. BY the acute godly!bodyguard is not disclosing RO’s whereabouts, only ensuring her safety, but Y is asking anyway, even saying out loud, trying to convince himself some more the truth is… it is detrimental to both their being, yet uncontrollable is his urge to see her once a crack of hope is opened.

I will never ask about her again.

…Is she still alive?

BY, I take my words back, will you let me see her? 

I have babbled this in a post for a line flailing me in The Blade and the Petal, where the characters romance by breaking up the hanja for love:  戀/ love is composed of 心.言.絲 /Heart, words ,entangled threads of silk (絲絲縷縷),  of feelings, of speech, and of physical action, etymological radicals for 戀 。  言, the rational put to words, mnemonically, the word is made up of 䇂bitter/fault/sin, from the mouth, words hastily spoken is a sin.  is a word for chaos, confusion, continuous, tie together, to manage.  Chaotic words like twisted threads are matters of the heart: the continuous yearning, distraction, confusion, the raisons d’être intangibly entangled in fine ‘threads of silk’/絲縷 has now an official meaning of 不断的情思 (memories of love which could not be severed) coined from 鲁迅 (Lu Xun)’s own preface of his most seminal work 呐喊/Call to Arms.  Chinese dictionary definition of 戀/Love: 想念不忘 (a longing unforgettable),爱慕不舍 (a love can’t live without),不忍舍弃 (a distraction can’t bear to abandon) ,不想分开 (a desire inseverable).

Mom!  Mom!!

I know it is wrong of me, but it would be hard for RO to be hugging Mom in bed and not think of that night holding Y tight.

You must cut the entanglement off.

RO pours all her tender heart in her farewell leaving palace, she has made up her mind and trying so commendably to put up her end in the excruciating breaking up fated to be.  With this meeting, while it must be wonderfully sweet in the surprise, the bitter aftertaste is she can only apologize…for everything, for being who she is, she is her parents’ daughter first, for breaking her promise to him, for leaving him forever, or if he chooses to believe, sorry for lying to him.  She gathers all her composure,  has put to plain words they should never see each other again, just the close shave tonight should be enough warning, to not even be curious about anything concerning the other.   But Y’s pleading eyes, his bracelet, his unflinching, refusing to let go of her hand, is saying he is ignoring that truth, so it is up to RO to hold up even more devastated…because her own heart is stirring now.  There are inconspicuous care packages (from BY I am sure, thus fr Y) when she is at her nightly coping ritual of moon gazing.   Instead of moon gazing now, she is anxiously pacing the yard to wee hours impatiently hoping.

She does not even have BY to dump to, she still has to brave an ok front for Mom.    I am sure it is just normal if another letter comes by, from the reassuring hands of BY, RO would want terribly to cave in, Y+BY must’ve figured a way safe enough for it to happen, this sparks up hope, a greed of selfish want in RO, but her distraction almost got Mom killed and herself kidnapped the next, even under the close guard of BY.

I do not know where HRO is.


 

I also am the lone person on the planet appreciating the content of what RO said to Y, knife in hand, ‘defending’ herself against him, her biggest threat.  While he is worried about her physical safety by others following her being cautiously wary at the sight him, that is, he must be wishing they would be back to what used to be, his bracelet in full view, smiles and cuteness overload, but that is ignorant a denial.  RO just found her Mom, thus learning through Mom who her Dad was, the human being, the husband, the father he aspired to be, contributing to a better world for his daughter, the person Mom wants to laugh and cry, eat and sleep with.  She has been filling her heartbreak with Mom’s every word as her own therapy, coping how to live on nursing an imploding shattering of her world.  RO we met has little dreams of normalcy, to be a writer of fluffy romance of happy endings just to earn a buck, to be a girl, to be with her Mom.  As grand is a romance with PrinceY was, if she has to jeopardize everything else most precious in her life, she wishes she could, very badly, but sorry Your Highness, she can not.

Ra-On-ahhh!

What she is saying, not just of his own childhood trauma losing his Mother perhaps in connection to the Rebel’s revolt, his Dad’s insanity, but of her frustration Y’s KingDad is culprit of her father’s notoriety and his slaying, all ugly truths in one harsh mouthful.

How about MY FATHER!

You will hurt yourself.

A knife in her hand, hollering at him, no real intention of cutting him, of course,  is more to put a physical obstacle between her willing body and his, what if he is going to envelop her entirely in the shelter of his embrace?!  Is she as determined to leave him with the temptation of the hope second time around with her and Mom in direr danger?!  She is stepping back with his every step forward towards the blade, a blade he is not even looking at, fixated on her face.  It does hurt her more, when he cuts off the bracelet with her blade, showing her what will hurt him most, more than inflicting a bloody wound, holding her hands in his, as she is pulverizing his faith in their love, his heart with her words and action, trying to make sense.

Even if she has Y’s words, words he thought so sadly laughable he had to ever utter he is never going to order her any harm…others prowling around him has been doing so AND to harm him with her exactly, time and time again, yet he has yet to grasp the reality.  Y has urged her to ease his suffering, say anything, say lies and she is too aware he will grasp onto her every word like last straw, as expressing her love to him.   Now she is saying words of ugly truth, slaying too bad Y refuses to recognize as nothing but lies.

Kim Yoo Jung’s face looks like she is watching a terrifying horror movie.

He knows, how much it is a worst horror for her written too clearly on her face, to hurt him like she is.  He will never ask her to meet him again, to put her through this, he swears in a ceaseless tear he is not even blinking an eye to take in, soo immersed taking her everything in, this very last moment, his face stagnant of emotions.  This time it is RO showing all her emotions she is having a hard time containing, literally swallowing back her tears in gulpful, failing to anticipate how much pain it is, seeing his faith in them shattered along with the bracelet.

Thus it is crazily poetic if only to me RO uses what most folks lumped as noble idiocy, a knife, so literal a cliché in her novels perhaps, to inflict pain to push him away,  because she needs the pain herself more to sever her heart wandering back to him when she must prioritize her Mother’s well-being. A blade with a violet tassel, of silk threads dangling, resembling the tassel on bracelet she has left behind, on top of bitter cutting words, is the object to break off the object entanglement of love between them…and moreso Y’s severing the thread of the love bracelet with it, all the while still entwining back to the character 戀 even if broken to 心.言.絲.  Let me show you my love by hurting more, is what both of them did.

WhiteCloudmole must be BY’s most at ease with hyung, being the sole person knowing his everything.  And his betrayal hits BY so ugly.  BY could not kill him because hyung is the evidence against Kimclan for Prince’s sake.  It hits him in the gut so horribly he must’ve led molehyung to RO and Mom, let alone the Y factor if molehyung takes his spin on BY is a spy planted way back when, a truth mangled with all the lies along with BY+Y’s brotherly love and loyalty.

My gut is BY will fess up to Y (ep16 progression is very telling) being in the WhiteCloudClan before all hell breaks loose, emphasizing he has never been disloyal to Prince, that’s the truth.  BY has never once put Prince in harm’s way, through the hellish hardship being groomed in WhiteCloud, Y’s genuine friendship must’ve been what he has been holding on, what they have, innocence, hope and brightness, to survive, the someone he is staying in palace because he cares was not a lie, he is in essence secretly the double agent guarding Prince fr WhiteCloud’s scheming all along a reasonable assumption, and with how Prince has so much faith in RO with everything against it, BY has enough to believe Y’s capacity to process his history and trust him.

I fangirl YS’ frigid, eloquent, dignified defiance so much.  He pointedly apprises his rotten kinsmen in their face all the deplorable sins they are committing, discarding, manipulating their own flesh and blood for the Big Plan and he has every right of his own upholding person, to love the woman he loves, even if losing all riches and prestige of the Kims to at least not wither in the guilt and shame associated.  Of course it perks me up the detail of RO’s warrant against YS’ beautiful art of ode to her, the same face, to the eye of the beholder.

 

It shatters my tear duct and human heart I have this moment, writhing my gut, of a preciously brought up by tender loving care of her parents, intelligent, spirited, open-minded, kind, generous, beautiful daughter hugging the (only) man who loves her the most in her life a fare well, for the last time, as his daddy’s HaYeon-ah~!!!!, before the dive…

…into a life of hopeless desolute imprisonment in the name of love.

A wedding and a mass burial of hearts:

I like the song PBG sang enough, just like any decently sang and composed run of the mill cheesy ballad, but in the scene, the boyish yearning timber of his voice, his overflowing crackling emotive-ness thanks to being a great young actor, is again, perfection befitting that scene juxtaposing with Yeong’s almost emotionless lifeless face:

Even though my heart aches so much
But I can’t wash away the pain of this love
Even if the world freezes over
my love won’t stop
I would rather be hurting for you.

Don’t worry about me
Though it hurts, it’s still love
I’m happy
Because you are forever
My Dearest
I love you

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