I had a few days I must have completely blocked myself out of my body. I stayed away from turning on a thing in fear of news, some reality. Then, I forced myself to watch dramas over the weekend when I could not do socializing.
When I could see cracks of humanity, rooting and invested in boys from Kdrama Entourage, which 2 weeks ago I was expecting tamely offensive, drama turned out to be blandly boring instead, ranting the dudes being not ‘douchy’ enough caricatures to even poke me a cringe…this is the dire state of my mind, grasping onto ANY reliable escapism.
To think, for days, two weeks ago, I have been blissfully sated looping some song, a beautiful MV collaborated by a girlcrush. I did not know Jung YuMi could sing, and I took a vacay in delululand if one day EricMun could carry semblance of a tune, it would definitely be my sign they are married.
So tempting. To Andromeda, over the solar system, over the galaxy, they croon, such delicate gorgeousness to my ears. And as I rewatched the video, world upside down, ‘happiness, love’ imposed on a flipped human cross-section, my heart cringes. I am crying at bossa nova Getz/Gilberto-esque ballad twisting its poetry fitting into real dystopian state.
My Wife is Having An Affair This Week
I miss JTBC, I lost some faith in it equating perfection for a good while but that was too delusional an expectation anyway. I must’ve missed some gems in between, but here I am counting the rare blessing I bumped into one singing to my mood, which seems such luxury. I am still full of messy knots I do not have the clarity what I should do with my feelings constantly being angry and depressed, let alone what I feel like watching for pasttime. Again, two weeks ago I tested drama out, it surprised me in being an easy watch, story and characters flow steadily, very little bells and whistles, and a lure started with my shallow lusting and crazy envy over JiHyo’s lipsticks, then eases into an effortless pleasant experience on a topic who in the right mind has the jumping in joy excitement for: infidelity. It is steady work contributed by the collective, everyone fits seamlessly into they roles on screen and obviously for a great crew of artists behind the scenes. It is a comfort even as cheeky OTT comic relief SangYeob is so typecast and never improves, and such a pleasant surprise WHERE did BoA’s seamlessly natural acting talent come from?! LSK is a great actor, perfect for this role playing less of the abrasive alpha male, wooing me back periodically in very good dramas every few years (White Tower, then My Sweet Seoul and this). JiHyo is a very solid actress as well, her RL harmless lovable persona plays into the role of a good wife unraveling. And lost in this collective murky misery of love as adults stretched thin, it is soothing to have a genuine ride along with characters, adults making messiest conscious mistakes without tangible way out, it connects not on how I personally relate/love the characters per se, but the makers are wise and aware to respect them, let their thoughts have a platform to be conveyed, to be themselves thus relatable as humans experiencing shattering irreversible changes.
And when my heart opens a crack to let a drama in, there is always a song in its best use in some quieter scene, owning me. Or a few many here :
My hands are shaking I’m so frustrated
No, no more. Just stop.
I am seriously scared
it will just repeat
We’ve ended up here
I could care about nothing but myself, too.
…the mistake of that day.
Love is forever…a perishable thus precious commodity. Forever fluid, it transcends, or descends. Often we word it as ethereal emotional fireworks, the explosive consuming abandonment of sensibilities to be overcome by enthralling feelings, it is momentous in its momentary. True love exists, very often, like fireflies in clear summer nights, lucky ones will fall for the one, who is miraculously the closest complementary, kindest partner diligently working on the diminishing returns of such elusive excitement as you are also willing, tenaciously nurturing love, that simpliest most complicated attraction between 2 otherwise unrelated humans, with utmost care and cautious sensitivity, morphing the intangible into a persistent intimacy, a comfort binded into souls, creating what is essentially family, out of transient feelings. It is hardest work so woven into the fabric of daily lives humans often are unaware, brushed aside in the milieu and at the breaking point of giving up, falling out of love, betrayal of trust so blindsided is this unfathomable rage… the mess is the residual love is still imprinted, residing in our consciousness, the trust and faith in love is irreversible but love never all lost, it is unsorted, seeped into various forms we could no longer part with without cutting out mourning a part of our own existence. I commiserate that excruciating effort to understand the other stance however impossible it seems when the perpetrator is consumed to parse sense and logic, equivocal in the matter of love. I relish in the characters being valid even when fouling, something I still have to work on coming to terms losing my trust in my ignorant assumption of basic human decency, the harsh awakening how all most unacceptable vile qualities in my core are so profoundly systematically condoned and practised by so many and I am quilty as well for not doing wayyyy more.
…A night you can’t fall asleep because of thoughts.
I just want to drown in such most immaculate aesthetics and music of Paolo Sorrentino:
as usual, serendipity is my conjoined twin, a comment two weeks ago:
‘This is an analogy (or allegory) to what’s happening in US politics and what would happen should a “Trump” b elected.’
This is fiction, as fictional as it must have seemed, I am certain, for that person making the yt comment…yet so surreal this is real and the blashemy is we are not getting no Jude Law, a physically beautiful man to many, his fantasy pontiff is extremely disquietingly smart and Machiavellian, troubled, full of contradictions, but brimming with enigmatic charisma, scrupulously contained public temperament coexisting with an angsty boy wrought with fright. He could create a more than cohesive memorable haunting outrageous first address, enslaving his captives in minutes. His Pius XIII reminds me much of the rebel lunatic of an emperor Ming’s JiaJing in Ming Dynasty 1566. I could give some vile pumpkin 4 years and he would not pass SAT.
And we got the worst hellish opposite except in how unlikely the ascension to a most powerful man, and it is real as fk. How.
Is Kichijōji the Only Place You Want to Live
A bait any Jdorama aficionado will fall in love instantaneously, the dorama’s masterful unadulterated respectful approach to all the seemingly most insignificant nuances making up humanity, embedded for your savoring however immensed or just enjoying the scenery are servings of feasible, proactive ‘it’s ok’, like enjoying a temple with its 700 year old tree, a monk’s genuine blessing for smooth gestations as 3 single ladies. Or just adding custard bread tasting to the checklist of how to feel the heartbeat of a neighborhood. Having our checklists, catching ourselves being pickier, archetypical of the definition of human existence: having wants, qualities, enjoyments, standards in our daily life we refuse to compromise, building uniqueness of our own experience. Two sisters, realtors inheriting the business, physically formidable, Metallica fanatics, coolest cats, finding roofs over head, ferrying fellow humans a bit lost in changes and transitions, throwing little caring crumbs to find their way to home in a neighborhood they could belong.
I am sorry, for how things ended up.
The view from the new apartment:
Are you ok? Did you eat well?
What I want in my movers? How about ‘a man who embraces dreams’?!
‘Kichijoji is a good location. But not all good places are confined to Kichijoji. Tokyo (the world) is larger than you can imagine. In the manifold of nooks and niches, there must be a unique one most suitable for each of us.’
Realtor client-appeasing chatter but warm words of solidarity with a fellow woman overwhelmed by a breakup, fearful of letting go, facing the world again as her own single identity, nonetheless. she did not ask for heated floors, but they throw it in on her list, the dependable warmth in solitude.
The Dr Qin Trio of Awesome continues to tickle me. I do not have the energy nor capacity to follow the cases, but at least I perk up at their banter and could giggle. I thought I have lost that too.
So spot on throwing in all the closeups of DrQ’s well-gelled coif, him pwning doumyouji lines from TW HanaDan, a plea to give a pay raise to ChrisWu stan doing jobs for 8 professions DaiBao, esp the detective work, and how DetLin is a BolinChan facetwin.
The three terrific young actors are exactly equally lovely, so natural and seamless is their work giving their characters earnest soul, it is so easy to overplay the eccentricity esp for Dr Qin but Zhang RY is so wonderful, fangirls have coined a Qin Ming ‘I am a Princess’ Stance, must be part of his design for the fastidious squarepants character:
‘Well I don’t worry bout a thing Cause I know nothings gonna be alright’