Wuxias Trololoing

When I saw half my Wlist loling like a cackle of hyenas a wk ago, when the following rumored list for the cast of DGSD2013 was leaked, all I can helplessly do was ‘Oh-PLEAAHZEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!’ it to oblivion, this utter devastating exacerbating load of bullcrap.   I had a good laugh though.  You will too.

By this time we’ve all seen Wallace as QiaoFung, and 90% of us r nursing massive headaches because of it.  Wallace can never be a QF, he’ll angst and be in pain but missing the boat as the commanding hero of a Demi-god able to survive more than the whole wuxia’s worth load of crappy boulders falling on him.

imo Wallace has always attached himself to duds, I have seen quite a handful of his work through the years but none of them can be hailed as watchable.  None.  So it does make sense he’s attached to this.  It fits, actually.  I don’t think he’ll be the main reason this drama is the stinkiest of all wuxia adapts, he’ll hold his own and be bland coz if we are talking about a myriad of funny smelling things….there are plenty.

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Stuff I’m watching, loling and reading

The next TongHua drama adaptation we'll get on our screen is probably 被时光掩埋的秘密/The Secrets lost in Time.  I haven't read it, not sure I'll get to it before it airs with my long readlist. This has a definite shoot date of April, HunanTV's William of BBJX's fame is behind the modern drama.  The first confirmed casting is out and it's Jia NaiLiang, and this gets me excited. I know I abuse the word serendipity but if you mention 贾乃亮/Jia NaiLiang! to me these 2 days, you'll get my attention while I'll squee a little.  And fr the jousting btn William and Dorothy (the ladyproducer/scriptwriter behind Sealed with a Kiss?!) Nicky or Hawick seems like the winkwink lead guy1?! My gut is betting on Hawick.  Maybe it's a strange premonition, but I was JUST marathoning ShengSiQiao last 2 nights out of the blue, I'm up to ep12 and can't stop.  It's precious, maybe buffered by the cringeworthy excuses of menguo epic romances flooding in Cdramaland past few.  Jia plays Tang HuaiYu with some precious lovely nuances of first love chemistry with Wang ZiWan's DanDan/girl1, he's green and woody in the rest, but with his ‘OTP', sparks r flying….but it's a nuanced menguo CCTVdrama, so hurting my poor bleeding heart.  SSQ is criminally underrated, it was shelved for 3 years and not until the death of the very famous artist Huang ZongJiang/黄宗江, and SSQ was his last performance, did it see daylight.  It's a shame really Cdramaland!!!!!!!  Yes, there's no big tix names in the leads, but for this to be lesser and later seen than the turd, disrespectful adapt that is TerraCotta Warrior, I lost hope in the industry.  I'm the first to click on the YT links posted a yr ago! Most have prob seen Jia in AlexSu/ChaRim's Yang Clan 2004 as the 6th bro, the exact same bro as HG in Young Yang Clan.  I'm also going to watch him in a contemporary When MiL meets Mom next, it's by Mulan's PD Tian and I want to get a feel of him before Mulan airs. 

The funny thing is, I know LinGengXin our cutiePrince14 is the annointed youngHuGe.  I will be smug and say peeps r suffering fr face-blindess illness all around.   I just realized the other lead in SSQ, 王泊文 Wang BoWen, with a nick of 'young Takeshi' is the real HG facetwin, he did the best job amongst the younglings:

One thing I'll credit Yumama, he's VERY hilarious.  He's tweeting up a storm during his weibo livechat confirming it'll be Wallace+JoeChen as LHC and Main Heroine. That we've been forewarned, NOW the special Yumama only twist: JoeChen will be DongFongBuBai. Freaken DFBB, the archenemy of the hero. THE character most infamous for castrating himself to master THE killer bestest wuxia and 'elevating' the goddess status of Brigitte Lin to the living CN Hermaphroditos.  I know YZ has a special kryptic language of his own, his good means stinky turd, true to history/he's read the real historical text 20x = he's diarrhea'd his pants 200x, keep it up bro, kthxbye.  He said he'll keep puking out Goong till Goong10.  The Goong movie will start shooting in May, hints r pointing it'll be a gift for the FengMi fandom (if any survived).  TH's Song in the Wind adapted by YZ (ie will look nth like original other than names) will start shooting in Nov…the catchy thing is, he is super efficient in crapping, he can wrap his shit up and it may air b4 DMY, or headbutting it.  The Saga continues.

I'm drowning in GoT, not that I like it, honestly I've never loved it whole-heartedly.  I call it family duty, it's sorta a bookclub read with 5 of us reading it at the same time, and firing emails.  I missed talking about sth so passionately with my bro, it's more precious now that he's about to embark on another stage in his life *sobbing happy tears*.  The writer is a conniving monster, from my pov  there is dragginess 80% of each book, sprinkled with some sex, some plot, some angst, some new characters, then BAM! last 3 chapters, letting of rivers of blood, cruel massacres of characters u've spent tonnes of time with and thick buckets of plot, every single time!!!!  And I have no choice but to start the next bk to know what's next, next thing u know u'll be in way deep to drop book.<_<

YuZheng please DIAHF

It's punishable by same DIAHF for cursing that on any human being during LNY, but YZ is not by definition a man, so I'll risk it for the sake of mankind.

The list of actors speculated for his PoS Rape of Smiling, Proud Wanderer :
令狐冲(霍建华)Wallace Huo as hero LingHu Chung
东方不败(霍思燕)Huo SiYan as nemesis DongFong BuBai
任盈盈(陈乔恩)Joe Chen as heroine Ren YingYing
岳灵珊(袁姗姗)Yuan ShanShan (ie YZ's plasticface muse) as girl2 Yue LingShan
田伯光(韩栋) The pretty BBJX Prince9 HanDong as Tian BoGuang (pervie fugly yucky rapist, W!T!F!!!!!)

The main leads, EVERY FREAKING ONE OF THEM R ALLLLLLLLLL WRONGGGGG! MAKE IT STOP!!!!! Rumor is Wallace has just signed on TR's next TongHwa adaptation DaMuYao, the Chinese Paladin 3 gang will sorta reunite, even with cloning, he'll definitely be the key pawn of epic battle btn TR's ladybi*chboss and her archenemy Yu mama.  Why Wallace, WHYYY?!?! The battle, in any other case, will be entertaining, but not shitting all over my favorite Louis Cha please! TT_TT

In an equally WTF! but much more hilarious note:

fr weibo
what the freaken freck is going on Loverboy?!is Princess TaiPing a Mighty Python wannabe?!
Here is the long trailer, I haven't clicked it, still lolzing:
Continue reading “YuZheng please DIAHF”

唐宫美人天下Tang Gong Mei Ren Tian Xia …lulz

Yu mama is nth but predictable…yet he never fails to amuse me to no end HOW he stays true to his predictable highness, surprising me with new unimaginable lows.

This is the most bloody awful preview I’ve seen. No way in HELL I’m watching this.  Not even when I crave watching and eating shit.

But it’s comforting to go down Yu mama’s checklist of ‘hit in making previews’:
1. VERY long, longer, shittier the better.  (drama proper can only go up fr here, no truer words)
It’s as nonsensical, incohesive as anything possible/impossible.  I need the reminder it’s about Wu Zetian/Wu Mei Niang in bold charaters at the end to snap myself awake.  She’s f8cking Tang dynasty equivalent of the capable queen, may not be virgin like Elizabeth I, but damn she should have a vortex of life sucking aura just with an eyelash.

2. Be chunky and Chop Suey.  And this is chunkier than chunky canned soup.  I am a loling pavlovian puppy when it comes to Yu mama’s silly ass pompous highly dramatized VO/’poetic caption’ but his lack of any literary sense left every word on screen…the most hilarious thing written.

‘Deep in the court, saving the master, love is undying.’
‘Swords and sabers slashing dangerously nonstop.’
muahhaha.  Creativity, is at the ever new hts with our precious Yu Mama, and flourishing in its new name: lame-ability.

I dissected the almost 20 min, it’s vaguely made up of a few chop sueys, all fav ingredients of Her Royal Highness Yu Mama.

  • killing babies
  • killing concubines
  • scheming ladyspies/concubines fr brothels ie scheming prostitutes
  • killing ladyspies who used to be prostitutes or fox
  • craycray dudes in craycraycray hairs
  • the lovely stinky tofu stench of Yu Mama’s plagiarism:  whole verse of dialogues/scenes fr Sword Rain.
  • mega meta-ing: YangMi’s nick is Wu li/Fox, she’ll be a white fox?!   Same faces all around, having the exact same fate drama to drama. Rant: I kinda like that nice queen fr Schemes of Beauty, at least her face is not chunks of plastic, but she ALWAYS gets horrible deaths.
  • Gumiwo’d our Wu ZeTian after she Meteor showered the Imperial Gardens!

3. Pick the lousiest actor on board and make him Guy1: MingDao…..stinks! I’ve never been a fan, shallow me is very meh on crossed eyes (and caterpillar brows).  I just think it looks clownish esp when the actor is trying to angst.  And I’ve sworn MD butthurt angsting will be what I wanna loop in my psych ward if I ever get seriously depressed.  I think I’ve got more than enough side splitting material here.

4. OTT, OTT! O!T!T!  I’m not cutting the others slacks, yes, I understand fully peeps you need to bring on your uber hamming game for Yu mama, but how inviting of SNARK is this?!  The C netizens r sharpening their tongues/fingers already!!! XDD

5. My aesthetics do not go along with Yu Mama’s, at all, and I’m not sure if he just hates girls so much.  The makeup is so heavy handed and gaudy, accentuating EVERY plastic surgeries his ladies have had, every flaw and pimple and just ages them by a decade.  I hate the corpsepink lipcolor, my conspiracy prone brain will immediately jump to conclusion they are all dying of brain meltling poison VERY SOON.

:DDDDD What a fun snarky start of a Monday.