Here yuma, I come in peace and I have a most sincere offer on the table:

I’m happy to resort to me swapping my slightly over 100 pounds, almost identical ht with your embodiment of female ideal of late body with yours,  as the only reason I can think of you fking everything and everyone is in fact… bless your heart, you are suffering from your grueling weight loss and you are deprived of food items and you envy puffy cheeks and chubby stature, and you are craving a XiaoLongBao, constantly, 24/7.   I would be happy to make your life easier so everyone attached to your Return of Condor Heroes and Foxy demoness and a XiaoLongBao could make an easier living and we as bystanders who can’t help but watch the ultimate doomed marriage of any combination (I do not want to spoil and ruin anything of your most ‘colorful’ imagination) between a hero, a condor, a fox and a yummy dimsum (tiny piece of heart).  I didn’t say it out loud it’s doomed because you are attached but we know our Strange Stories from a Chinese Studio a romance crossing taboo barriers of lifeforms of humans and demons and on top of that with a little lump of juicy meat-filled doughy goodness would never end well *very straight face of mine.*  The public needs to resume a life without all the unnecessary emotions and inexplicable swearing and smashing of things.  I have no idea where it stems from, do you?!  But all I can sense is you are not happy and your unhappy wrath on the world is not making me happy for one.  All I’m asking is on one condition, as long as I can control that mind or whatever u have inside your head.  I will make do with your body and your face.   I Swear.  Ain’t I a sunshine.

With due respect, and whatever I can do, here, have my arm, mookie.

Continue reading “Dafuq”

Return of Condor Heroes: The Blight of yuma

Just when WSJ coined a new term ‘dama’ in our OED lexicon for the formidable

“bargain-hunting middle-aged Chinese aunties” who “keep a tight grip on the family purse and an eagle eye on gold prices.”  “financially illiterates” whose “pluck and knack for scooping up gold is not out of strategic calculation and risk assessment, but a matter of following the herd, whose uncouth and uncivilized behavior irks”

…the first thing that comes to my mind is a billion of damas will be easily KO’d by one peculiar irking beast:

Continue reading “Return of Condor Heroes: The Blight of yuma”