The Pursuit of Happiness Ep 3 Rewatch

Extremely screencaps heavy, guess how massive my Tony Yang picz folder is on my desktop, which is proportional to my rabidness, simple fangirl math logic.

We pick up where we left off, YiKang repairing things around LeiLei’s dwelling.  I can watch an episode of that, but this episode has so much more loveliness in store.

Her key has arrived…but I do not even know where my lock is at.

LL’s window of happiness…has shut with keys (WT, her promotion) thrown away.  And here is WT at her door, uttering nonsense/music to her ears he needs her and there are things he can only tell her, in the middle of the night, desperately.

I love this analogy of lock and key, the give and take of falling.   This unseemly hole into the heart with a set of intricate obstructions/wards mechanism, inner hindrances, won’t cease to budge a turn, unless ward by successive ward, the best fit of a specific key is inserted.  Like YiKang, he can pour his heart over making the most perfect puzzle piece of a key but there is no lock taking it in.  It also ties in so well with the message of the episode:  we need to know ourselves so thoroughly, so honestly, before we can soldier on pursuing love, especially in the confusion of a heartbreak.  Often we get so caught up with the hustle bustle, we developed inertia when we have devoted a lengthy period in our adulthood to facets of our lives, it’s hard to even notice tiny squeaks that need a touch up, or trusting the adage why fix something not broken, losing touch with ourselves, and living becomes a habit of practicality.  Once a constant is taken out, a rug pulled out from under, suddenly all the dust balls we have kicked under resurfaced, and life is suddenly messy and need an inner spring cleaning.  It is enervating and nerve wrecking.  Leilei knows the lock has not been clicking well for ages, but it is not until it has fallen off, per YiKang’s gentle handling, that forces her to recognize the problem face on…and a YiKang to fix it. 🙂

I spent the first 10 min of the episode swearing F words, that is what a WT in the hand of a hamming actor capable of 2 me2smexy trollfaces: smiling or not, can do.   Rant: LL is a grown lady in her mid 30s, just because you did not expect to see a dude in loungewear at her house wee hours does not give you one damn right to throw unamused faces every second of your unannounced self-servicing butting into her home.  Look how hospitable and cute and smiling YK is after noticing the awkward, returning your haughty faces when you do not even fakenice and are intruding his space as well?!

It is not like YiKang does not have his own angst.  He plants a poetic hope in an unlikely to support any lifeform candy container and wishes upon a flower to bloom with a wistful smile… a smile encouraging himself to not give up on the dimming hope against his analytical mind.

When LL is asking herself, ‘Who can unlock my heart?‘ almost willing with her eyes a WT to answer a ‘Let me’.  I need to look away.  Definitely not the dude who just wants you to be his bestie 24/7, while he is off living his life without a care about you except sending some postcards to decorate your wall, wishes you happiness in finding your Mr. Right yesterday, and now hammering in with his every grimace and word he does not mean shit when your dating jeopardizes him having a foreveralone against your wishes LL devoted to him, as a fking bff.   While you are here, Go jump off that lovely rooftop, will you WhataTrollface?

My LeiLei has a boyfriend…Oh bugger! *His words, no joke.*

(Gone is )…when I want to call you, I can call you…

…your boyfriend must feel horrible about this, right?

*Seriously, Get lost.  What the heck do you think you are doing this very moment?!  While you are ‘worried’ about her presumed bf’s bemusement, how about Helen’s feelings?!  And the mixed signals, why would you, just a friend, even the best kind you keep emphasizing be so annoyed all over your face just because there is a guy at LL’s and even stating the ‘shock’ and all your self-serving whines of losing her to her boyfriend.  How is a LL in her state of mind not interpret it as 1) he needs her, she is still this special someone to him 2) he is jealous of a nobody YK ie he still has residual feelings he is not conscious of towards her perhaps, especially now that he is a changed man…false hopes, wishing thinking, shot straight into her head. It is an understandable progression of plot sparking LL to quickly be back on her feet, delving deeper into herself and be on the aggressive.  If the warmth of a friendly teasing is inserted as to convey how much LL truly means to him as a friend he cares without any vagueness, I could ship this friendship, but this is what it is, a WTF.

*WTF is this Fking face but a trollface of …

Sowry(not!) me just messing with you I did not mean shit when I told you I wish you will find your happiness soon just yesterday!*

Pull a simple effective sadpuppy sorry face conveying I pooped because you know me LL, I live in the spur of moment and never think far ahead would’ve gone down so much better. LL could still sieve through and her emotions wrung yet I can stop my fbombs.  The thing with being a guy so true to your free spirited instinct, you should be free of all these whiny trappings on all things mundane, no?!  Either you be this oblivious liberal ignorant free bird without feet, or you grow balls and be a responsible considerate adult, not the worst mix of both.

*HULKSMASH you off the roof*

Aren’t you supposed to be comforting me?!

*Nope.  She should give you a little push, a byebyebye as you jump off that roof.*

WT is either bizarrely stupid and/or clueless and/or so full of himself that he thought his trollface is going to charm a father ecstatic to the idea his young daughter willing to be back taking up the family business is just doing it out to prove her worth to the guy she’s smitten with. I actually am fine with Helen’s line of thought, any time a young princess is determined to slave towards having a worthy career, by all means.  When Daddy stated his dismay bluntly, all WT did was sulk in shocked ragey faces, not a word easing the situation, as a supposedly globe-trotting author I assume good with words.  I popped a vein seeing it has NEVER crosses his pushing 40 mind the world does not orbit around him, and not every breathing thing has to love him unconditionally.  How precious.   When LL is simply stating the fact Helen’s Daddy is very cautious, not easy to warm up nor trust anyone even on the professional level (let alone entrusting his precious daughter’s life and happiness as all parents turn worrywarts understandably). WT whines she is not truly comforting him with the above line.  Again, I am calling a jumping off roof hoping it would miraculously happen third/fourth time’s a charm deal.

I’m am comforting you and being constructive .

And the following is his reaction face.  Mr actor, that gloss of sleaze all over your emoting.  Seriously, what is wrong with you?!

You deserve someone who understands you.

Preach LL, to yourself.

When LL puts on her bff mask, advising WT not bending himself so much for any woman, not the WT she knows, a stickler of uncompromising and true to self, and that is supposed to be his charm, WT said, ‘That is in the past‘, all I get is, ‘Duh. Yup I was only inconsiderate and egoistic and impossible and hurtful when with You. Trololo~’

With those mindless words, LL has a flashback of past WT trauma:

It breaks my heart careless words from WT is exactly the key to unlock the floodgate of how he has hurt LL so, now vividly revisited with an extra stabbing of him being tactless with her current feelings, almost forgetful of their past.

The fresh stabs give her a conscientious push to let go even when her heart wants the opposite.   I am busy hulling expletives at WT, but it does not skip me this makes sense:  understandably a LL would filter out all the unsavory, raising her hope, have her little flights of fancy hugging, wanting a WT, occupied by her desire for him, may it be out of losing him, or more so the unreconciled feelings towards him, out of jealousy, and as he is professing his serious love for another woman, it snaps her back to practicality:  there is nothing she can do about this sad state she is in.

LL overhears Helen is the crush owning YiKang.  This is why I love a Helen, her sensible head is screwed right on her shoulders.  It is believable she is unaware YK has a massive crush on her and she is genuinely treating him as a friend within all the boundaries of the friend zone.  There is no unbalanced all taking no giving, the ignorant insensitivity in the WT/LL dynamics.  I love how her late night visit is juxtaposed with WT’s when she considerately brought YK’s favorite ice cream, and I trust she has given him a call even just to ask for his new addy and refuses to intrude when he has a landlord/housemate.

I would’ve sprained my head all ways oogling at a Tiffany jogging myself, by conservation of momentum if the adoration gives her the drive spilling out shameless wisdom of the sexes, nothing is lost.  And Tiffany knows the principle well, she gains some and is always on the look out at showering her admiration, be it a cute Husky, or a deserving YiKang.

Huang YiKang is a savory dish so yummy deserving every hallelujah.

Truer words, there are none.

I need an evite to this.  The cap is here because the ladies are generous showing their flawless topless backs while they are up to date on the big gossip: WT’s current love is YK’s huge crush.  LL claims she wants nothing to do with their love saga.

Can you really let go of HWT?! says our sage.

LeiLei is trying to work out the knots of staying or leaving on the work mixed with emotions torturous front:Staying… is selling myself short.

Leaving, is also mistreating myself.

She has relegated to work as a rebound lover.  If she gives up what she has dedicated 10 years on, it is lose/lose.

With that thought, she is shushed:  This is too much stronghold of rational thinking,  stifling the natural carnal instincts.  From the annals of Tiffany, high priestess of romance

At the dog park (look at her perfect stems!!!), seeing the doggies getting it, LL mulls Tiffany’s lesson some more.  She can no longer give her all for love without hesitation, she has lost that basic instinct, which is the most damning part of a devastating breakup imo.  With time, you can always live without that certain someone with that past trauma as a scab perhaps still held in place by whatever means necessary.  Now that you need to poke and purge the scab in order to let someone else in anew, it is a dicey, messy operation.

Three Huang YiKangs in a room! ! ! and I immediately have the visual of the heavenly rawring time mahjonging with 3 other fangirls while playing magical chairs on the HYK laps.

Tiffany at her game is worth jolting notes.  Inches of lovely cleavage in sporty tight skirt, offering the yummy dish HYK not one ( designer gig at her spa) but two (fixing her leaky faucet…haha) legitimate jobs, her contact information seamlessly entered into his phone, with a LOT of utterance of ‘s-e-x’ coming out of her and HYK’s lips….hmmmmmm.  But what makes the scene is YiKang acknowledges her come-hither, letting her know tactfully he gets it but saving her face, trusting Tiffany’s wit per law of deduction no matter how many words of ‘sex’ they utter, it is not going to happen. I love a 30ish guy knowing how it is played, stop kidding me gentlemanly dreamboats are innocent doting virgin puppies.

It is dreamy a HYK is cleaning house while landlady is out to adhere to their pact: running parallel private lives under the same roof.  When she is back, he has the courtesy to get out of her way if she so wishes.  But LL does not mind.  (Good to know she is still a breathing straight woman.)

This is where we have an early heads up on how there can be a blossoming relationship later on… not because OTP have romantic chemistry at this time point, befittingly…the reason is because Mr. Huang YiKang is a caring busybody who will butt in LL’s business uninvited, never hold his tongue on friendly advice with the sweetest intention.  He just is the most friendly, caring roommate with no ulterior motives.  He takes his past job as a prof to heart and he gives lectures even when not welcomed.  Later on in the story, he whines LL always roll-eyes at him at this point of their relationship.  She has every right to, but keen observation YK, she really does roll her eyes a lot at you only.

YK lecturing: Let bygones be bygones.

…only a heartbreak, a bump at work…

…burying your head in the sand…

…An ex-boyfriend is just an ex-boyfriend…

…you need to focus on how to make yourself feel better.  *DUH*

…Both of us should have a fresh start (with each other!)

You are too meddling.

The guy from last night seems a nice catch.  *Oopsie…*

Give yourself a chance.

Rest assured LL is aware of YK’s good intention in his DearAbby-ing and YK is a solid, good guy in order for her to pull off this poker face and letting him keep putting his foot in mouth.

He can’t be…

He. Sure. Is.

LL: DERP!

* Cute!*

The following scene is a favorite and so lovely.

It is sweet of YK bravely invading LL’s space yet again, just to cheer her up after his innocent stupid words.  His eyes are all focused on her, extra sensitive to her whims this time around.

This could have been my wallie if not out-focus.  *swoon*

His foot in mouth disease is still rampant.

LL: Why is it any of your business?!?! 

You are blocking the view (of a yummy me)

He did the unthinkable, he cracks her up, even if it’s laughing at his dispense, at his lame joke of MilkyWay putting on a spectacular show on her rooftop:  Sunset.

After an apology by bringing her a chuckle, YiKang is moving onto a serious heart-to-heart.  He truly understands what LL is going through right now, watching the person you love, madly in love with someone else, writhing in pain yet has to snuff it under pretense all is well, giving them your blessing.  He knows.  LL is not sure she is up for this conversation.

While Sonia made my heart broke along with her LL in reminiscing, Tony is so flawlessly convincing how utter joy it is just remembering Helen giving him the big hug when they first met, how much her warm embrace meant the world to him as an outsider in a foreign land, still.

That is why,  she is…. and from that amazing face of Tony Yang, even before he finishes the line, we know exactly the girl is the world, the sun, to him.

That gorgeous happiest smile just living, breathing what Helen means to him is swiftly overshadowed by melancholy.

Sonia is breathtaking, her LL deep in her own feels, his every word and emotion resonating with hers:

Whenever I am feeling down…

and this pause of Tony is so ridiculously amazing.  YK taking a moment, overwhelmed stating and feeling the obvious…he has never been as down as he is right now.

(I would enjoy a moment in the sun)…as if everything is alright again.

I would come up here and gaze at the sunset

…thinking of her…and do nothing.

And I love LL leaning towards him, lending him keen ears, listening.  I would have Tony reciting this passage from Norwegian Wood and Mr Haruki Murakami would approve:

I had come to Santa Fe to interview a painter and was sitting in a local pizza parlor, drinking beer and eating pizza and watching a miraculously beautiful sunset. Everything was soaked in brilliant red—my hand, the plate, the table, the world—as if some special kind of fruit juice had splashed down on everything. In the midst of this overwhelming sunset, the image of Hatsumi flashed into my mind, and in that moment I understood what that tremor of the heart had been. It was a kind of childhood longing that had always remained—and would forever remain—unfulfilled. I had forgotten the existence of such innocent, all-but-seared-in longing: forgotten for years to remember what such feelings had ever existed inside of me.

This moment caught me by surprise how devastatingly romantic of longing, of unrequited love, of possibly regrets, all simply beautifully put by YK I have only taken for granted in a Proustian WKW.

This is what I am doing, keeping myself afloat (till the day I can move on)

But LL is not convinced he is harboring her same level of debilitating hurt, he did not even start the relationship.  She is visibly moved though when YK explains why he did not confess his love to Helen and he is able to let go and move on without doing anything:  how Helen’s face lit up, most dazzlingly when she is speaking of her love.  He’s dazed and dumbfounded and does not have the heart to tell her and be a downer of her happiness.

What YK is guilty of, if I may, is he is over-rationalizing himself and LL, desperately pinpointing a logical reining in of the uncontrollable emotions, by doing all the things sensible, hoping the processing, the sheer determination of not acting out of impulses, could heal.  And LL says it as is, feelings can not be off by a switch per a cascade of actions.

Love is not programmed by binary codes of 01010101.

YK is self-assured he is working constructively towards a way out, foot in mouth again accusing LL of not determined enough.

This is not the sensible face when LL is telling the truth: you are too confident of yourself.

It is my kink, I love how YK is always deadly focused, direct eye contact, looking straight at LL when he talks to her, calling her full name, ‘Ji An Lei‘, commanding her full attention,  saying she is belittling herself in thinking she is weaker than she truly is.

And with that, LL snaps.  She is at wits end holding herself together, quite admirably.  She is being charitable listening, moved by his feelings for Helen.  She has been most considerate taking him in, a complete stranger, when she least feel like it.  He is slowly worming into her routine, softening her guard down unconsciously and here he is feeling entitled to give an opinion of her everything.

And she comes up with a cold plan telling YK she is taking in his every word of letting go, forgetting, be determined to move on.  She asks him to join WT and his girlfriend for dinner to prove her point cruelly this is much harder than he dissected, he is not as composed.  And YK is going along with her schemes, being the too helpful roommate.

Jia Yi is so gorgeous in this cap:

I am not sure if there is a pang of regret she is about to do a horrible thing to YK, but at the manipedi with JaiYi, her thoughts are on YK and his words are clearly haunting her:  is it ever possible to let go completely of someone you truly madly love?!  I would also say YK has a place in LL’s heart as almost a friend, definitely a comrade, at least she is curious how he is nursing his broken heart…like back in the playing field, she assumes, being hit on by the omnipotent Tiffany!

I am sure YK arrives at Tiffany’s spa fully prepared both for the job opportunity and the flirting, cautious of any more advances he is not ready for.  Tiffany is all professional and understanding, asking him to get a better feel for the job with a spa, taking his time, as he is honest in admitting he is ill-equipped, knowing nothing of the beauty industry.  She is unfazed with him taking a personal call in the middle of their informal interview.

Only Helen can light his face into one big smile just with a hi~ over the phone:

I love how in awe, absolutely smitten YK is whenever he has a moment to himself, setting his eyes on Helen.

Helen is also offering him a new position, praising him as her ideal man for the job, how her heart flutters whenever she sees his brilliant creations.  He is thrilled by her praises, but more proud of himself turning the offer down, not complicating his plan of letting go.

Love is scientifically proven an addiction above control of your head, YiKang.

Next morning, he is adorably gloating, humming a tune telling himself he is the best to his dazzling reflection I am sure, overcoming his heartbreak in spades.

LL notices his good mood.   He is offering to buy her yummy beefcakes from the new resto.  I mean, if I were YK, just the fact your want nothing to do with you landlady is noticing your mood and poking should brighten up your day some more.

I have made a big leap in life…

He told LL he has done the impossible feat of turning down Helen’s job offer.  He claims he is completely over her.

I can genuinely wish her the best from afar.

LL: How is that possible?!

I do not need to hear the fat lady singing to know the show is over.

That is one darn beautiful smug face, lecturing LL to be stronger in letting go.

LL:  You do not know a thing about how it feels when he/she is out of your life!

YK is still beautiful being smug, tension is palpable.

Add oil, stay strong getting over the breakup. 

YK said to LL, within a foot, invading her space and her dignity.

How is that helping a seething LL, even with a pat and a nudge, YK?!

After overhearing her new job prospect, he lays out his idea for LL’s plan of action:  leave her job, end the relationship.  With a thumb’s up.  So simple.  LL is fuming.

At the dinner, YK is unassumingly the good sport,  LL introduces YK to WT, saying she is inviting him, her roommate, because he needs the extra love and care being friendless and alone in the city.  She even returns his encouraging pat on shoulder from the morning.  We know he needs a lot of patting very soon.

Darnit Tony, so awesome! He did very little, almost just trying to inhale as Helen walks towards their table, but he makes me feel breathing in air can hurt a dickens if you are YK.  Air, guys.  Air.

I have never seen a more devastatingly spot on gorgeous ( I know I need fresh vocab) ‘What fresh Hell is this’ face.

Shock. So much shock. So this is what LL has in store for him, he realizes, the most debilitating hit on the head, a serving of what trauma LL has been downing, daily.  His face is screaming for help from LL, please snap him out of it.  He thought the fat lady has sung, but the horror show is still going on.

So good.  Every face is saying a million and one emotions are knocking him over.  While he can keep a million of them in check, there is always one flickering every passing moment right under that forced smile.

His eyes, while intense has a sheen of despair when Helen chirps on the necklaces WT is gifting her all the time, a new ritual of their romance, giving new blissful meaning to a token of tribulation. His magnum opus professing his love, gifting her The necklace, is now meaningless.

LL must be feeling a pang of horrible for what she has done to YK.  She was optimistic he has truly gotten over it, only a crush from her vantage point, it would be better to have buffering her queasy.  Her plan B must be a payback to watch him suffer a manageable amount. Little did she expect she is stirred by how palpable YK’s massive pain is.  Fresh from her own dinner from hell last episode, she can only keep glancing at YK with genuine concern, so much so almost all her pain atm is by association of YK’s, and her own live horror show of losing a WT to a Helen, romancing in front of her while she still needs to eat is almost child’s play.  All she can do is offer him her food, nudging him to keep himself occupied, distracted, by eating.  LL must have noticed this side profile, all happy thoughts has been drained, and nothing going down can fill the void:

A night and day great bookend to this earlier scene on the rooftop:

LL feels the guilt.  She is mustering up the courage to apologize and make her ‘boat-mate’ feel better, a wince of a smile perhaps, like a friendly pat and a nudge on the shoulder of encouragement.  Aggie is singing in the background, ♪should we pick up our fragility, or move forward♪.   Last time he shares the rooftop with LL, he is romancing about the sun and its strength fueling him moving on.  He is now so broken, let alone moving anywhere forward.

There are no tears, none necessary, his sun is down.  We all wish he could vent just to stop the sadness from eating him alive.

LL gives him a hug with words, ‘ Are you ok?’

…you should know too well, huh!?  How can you stand it?!  Watching them only have eyes for each other the whole night?

He can not muster up the energy to look her in the eyes as he always do.

Another ‘If you have not fallen for a HYK yet, this should do it’ moment.  Soaking in his misery, he has the heart to not blame LL when she is apologizing by admitting it has not crossed her mind the dinner would go down as horribly for YK.

It is not your fault...

You must be riling inside like me, having to face Helen everyday at work.

Seeing his face, I can’t even hold my water down.

I am a professional at sucking it up. 

But after seeing HWT as the boyfriend of another woman, I want him back terribly.

I know.

I have lost count how many moments they have shared of YK truly knowing what LL is feeling and vice versa in the 3 short eps.

It is like a piece of me is missing without him… do you know the feeling?

YK face says it all… it is like I am watching his heart freshly being ripped off inside.

LL half-jokingly asks if he is going to wait for the run to rise in a few hours…the visual of which he says would always comfort him, cheer him up when he is feeling down, thinking of her.

That gets him to sad chuckle a little, every so briefly, at the lie he has been numbing himself with: he is moving on using the symbolic warmth of Helen, the glorious sunset at LL’s rooftop, as energy to forget…Helen.  How ironic.

LL is taking a sick leave for her interview and aces it.   The straight forward questions prompts her to delve deeper for her own honest answers.

Why is she so determined to quit her job?  Out of lack of accomplishment? Out of discontentment?  None of it if she is being honest to herself.   She does not want to leave, she loves her job.

LL clears up her head, realizing lying to others is being dishonest, but lying to herself…

…is the biggest treachery to myself.

A rational step forward as LL heads back to office, picking up her slack, and two emotional steps aback when Helen tests LL’s resolve unintentionally picking up her responsibilities at work, rubbing LL the wrong way as if LL is incompetent and Helen is taking over what is rightfully hers even on this front.

The drama has these perfect little details: LL’s companion for a relaxing manicure is JiaYi, and she rants her hearts out over booze after another long day with a Tiffany.

It would be boring if this is just LL dumping.  There is this detail nicely put in where LL has a retrievable mental filing system of Tiffany’s boyfriends (where they met, who hit on whom) as Tiffany suggests LL to tag along a trip with her to London partly a break for LL but also seeing a boyfriend for Tiffany.

Tiffany compares herself to a tigress on the prowl, extra sensitive to pheromones of the opposite sex.

A tipsy LL does not miss a beat nudging Tiffany must be most sensitive to the pheromones from a certain HYK.

…A HYK whom Tiffany has given up.  All she can sense is he has a very weird naivete: A 30 sth grown man mixed with boyish innocence.

So much so, saying out loud the word ‘sex’ in front of him has Tiffany uncharacteristically blushing.  Tiffany follows up on when did LL last blush and her heart fluttered.  To Tiffany’s shock it was just last Friday, but to her dismay it is still the tiresome WT conundrum.

I love how nonjudgmental Tiffany is.  It would be a stretch she is thrilled with WT as a person, let alone the only guy her precious LL has eyes for, but she focuses all her energy on LL, not a word fussing over the guy, not saying she did not manhandle him with her words tersely, helping LL digs deeper into what she truly wants thus how to attain it.

Do you want to be taken advantage of for life …

*clearly she has a gripe on the douche*

Or be a plucky ‘carnivore’ /man-eater.

This hit too close to home.  LL loathed being the passive pushover in love, she wants a game changer, be self-serving on the attack, she won’t admit it if her inhibitions are not down, she wants to hunt and fight for what she wants, whatever it takes.

How precious is she has a Tiffany to always be the shoulder to cry on when at her weakest, frankest moments?

And Tiffany is always dependable for shameless plans of attack: team up with HYK and they each can get what they want, morality be damned.

That is too nefarious.

With the lethal combo of Tiffany giving LL another wrangling to act upon the purest of instinct, the family photo as a visual reminder she is all by herself and a bad dream of her forever alone, LL finally is determined to go on the offensive and hunt for her happiness.

And strangely (or not), we end the episode with the next scene of a purring chunk of fine meat.  I wonder if this is cheeky inserting a naked YK inviting the newly carnivorous LL to bite into.